Me and my husband jus split up ... our two kids seem to be upset??

Question

Me and my husband of 4 years jus split up and he moved out, he does alot of drugs and drinking.... its been a month now and my 2 kids (3yr old son & 2 yr old daughter) seem to be acting aggressive and upset all the time .. they are not listening or following directions at home or in school. My husband hasnt seen them since he moved out a month ago I dont let them visit cuz of his drug problem. And i'm living with my mom for now and he cant come there to visit. do u think this is affecting the kids behavior if so wha should i do????

Answer 1

ofcourse this is upsetting 2 ur children that is their father n mother that split up they r going through as many changes as u r if not more since it is their father they r no longer able 2 see. try supervised visits,get the kids into counceling n give them all the love and attention u can.make this easier on them it is not just about u n ur spouse its about them 2.communication is what they need they feel abandoned,lonely,their whole world has changed.TLC THINK OF THEM BEFORE U THINK OF URSELF.this is hell 4 them u need 2 understand that.

kids do not need a 2 parent household they need 2 be love n treated well by the parent n those around them 2 make up 4 the other parents lacking.

Answer 2

Kids will often act out after a major life change or crisis. REMEMBER children are resilliant and will bounce back in time. There will be an adjustment period and that is normal. Some children will regress to previous stages of development...some seem fine and show no signs at all for months and then out of the blue start acting out in unsual ways. All you can do is put their best interests first...visiting dad is probably not a good idea unless it can be arranged through an agency that provides supervised visitation. Their safety is most important...Stay strong and LOVE them lots. Everything will work out.

Answer 3

Of course....it affects pretty badly to the kids when the start sensing something surely is not going good between father and mother. Besides the drinking and drug is a curse to married family. You asked what should you do....but you failed to mentioned whether you are employed and earning independently or not...you said at this juncture you are living under mom's roof, so I take it you are not employed anywhere. So, for the betterment of your children you must try to become independent as fast as you can. The self-respect is what count most in these days. Don't let your courage down on any account and believe in the strength of your will.......the Sunny Shining Days are not away from you.....Best Luck !

Answer 4

Same situation 3 years ago. My kids were 4 and 6. There was lots of bad behavior going on. You need to make amicable visiting arrangements with their father. If he wants to be a part of their life, then go to court, if necessary, and ask them to perhaps assign supervised visitation for a while. This should work while he is still in addicted mode. Irregardless of your relationship with your husband, you both should remain civil for your childrens sake. Good Luck!

Answer 5

That is a hard one. On one hand it is damaging to the kids to not have a relationship with their dad , but it is equally ,or even more damaging to be put in that environment he chooses to live in.

They are little and although they don't have to forget their dad, you as their Mom have to have their best interest first. You have to realize that their whole world has been turned totally around. They are at your Mom's and they know that all things are different and it will take time for them to adjust. As it will you too. The one thing that you can't do is let their bad behavior continue because it is easier to rein that in now than later. Do it as effectively as you can but as gentle too.

It is best that until he can change or at least try to change his behavior you can't do it for him but you can and must do what is best for your babies. Don't look back either. You aren't responsible for him or what he is choosing to do. Take care of yourself and make the wisest decisions you can. I wish you the very very best in whatever you decide. Lots of luck.

Answer 6

That is a tough question. I would just give then extra love and comforting. They are adjusting to the new situation. Don't make a big deal about them acting out just yet. That is how toddlers deal with things. Let them. be patient. It will get better. Kudo's to you for getting them out of a bad sitution before it caused any damage. They are young and will get over it. Good luck to you. Be strong, things will definately get better.

Answer 7

They are angry at their family being split up and have every right to be. They should not be punished for their behavior. They need time to adjust. Be there for them and let them know that YOU are a solid force in their lives. When families separate there is always the fear of abandonment.

Answer 8

If it were to be drugs, i would say good that you made the decision. I guess its a displacement in regards to your kids. AT this point of time, lots of care and concern is vital. Either see a counsellor or spend extra quality time to show them that even without the other parent, you are formidable.

Answer 9

Of course the kids are affected. Get them into counseling, and make sure they know that they are loved by both of you, and that the breakup was not their fault. Explain that Daddy loves them, but it's just not best for them to see him for a bit. Counseling!

Answer 10

Forget about this big time LOSER!!!!
In time the kids will forget about him too.
His moving out is a blessing in disguise, in time to come you will realize that he did you a big favour. You and the kids are so much better off without him.