His 5 year old son is so rude and thinks he is in charge, can I offer to help or should I just end it?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 3 months now. He has his son one night a week and every other weekend. I also have kids, mine are 11 and 13. All kids can be difficult at times, but his son will order us around and refuse to do what he is told. He does little to fix this issue.

I would never ask him to choose between me and son, but I also will not be subjected to a temper tantrum in public every time he doesn't get his own way. I wouldn't put up with it from my own children. I want to offer to help him fix this behavior, is that the right path or should I just end it?

Other than this issue, we get along great, we only have trouble when his son is with us and I get so frustrated.

Answer 1

His son is probably feeling like he has compitition with his dad, never mind at that age very confused as to why there are so many other people in his life. At the same time, your bf probably feels like if he does correct it as he knows he should, he will not get the little time he already gets with his son. And, what you and your kids have to go through is not fair either. Everyone seems to be the loser here - even the 5-years old.

Try and explain to your bf the necessity to make him behave. Let him know what the boy will be like in 5-years then 10-years, ect., if he is allowed to continue as he is now. No, this isn't just a phase, this is the beginning of a personality.

Unfortunately, you are not in a position to fix it unless your bf is willing to let you in and be there. If he is not, then you may want to think about ending it for the better of your own kids. Children should never be allowed to "rule the roost" as we only do harm to them and in this case, it is doing harm to your children as they see him getting away with things they are not allowed to. I'd have a long heart-to-heart with the bf and see where he wants to go with it. If he's not willing to go anywhere, then before hearts are broken to the point of not being easily repairable, get yourself and your children out of the situation. It's tough to be single with kids and dating a person with kids. Without harmony, it's almost impossible. Good Luck. I do feel for you.

Answer 2

You know of course that the child is acting out his emotions? He is afraid of what is going on and that he has no control over anything. You are the adult. Help him.

Assure him that he is loved and will always be loved by his dad that will never change.

Give him some control like asking for his input on what you all will be doing and where you will go. If going out to a restaurant is decided, ask him if he has any ideas where he would like to go. Let him make his own food choices no matter how inappropriate. Don't react to it unless he chooses wisely and then praise him.

As for the temper tantrums, when he has one, ask your boyfriend if he would like you to handle it? If he says yes, pick up the child wherever you are and take him out. Explain to him that his behavior is unacceptable and that this will happen every time he does it. The stick to it. If the boyfriend doesn't agree, then you can either decide to live with it, or end the relationship.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I have a 5 year old, though judging from your question I wouldn't say my son is so bad, but they all have their moments. I know what it's like dating when my son acts up and I have boyfriends telling him how to behave, at times I feel a little irritated (my kid, not yours) but why shouldn't you be able to aid in some sort of discipline. When he started dating you, he started dating your family as well, and vice versa. It may not be real serious right now, but like you said, you are a parent and you apparently know how children should behave. If you've got to accept his son, then his son needs to learn how to respect you and apparently his father too. If your boyfriend disagrees with your help, then you two should just move on or try getting together when his kid is not around. What do you think he'd do if your kids were going crazy all the time?

Answer 4

While you would never ask him to chose, you need to ask him why he lets his son be the way that he is around the two of you. I would seriously have a sit down talk with your boyfriend and let him know that you can try to help in this situation, but that may be pushing the envelope, depending on if both of you are wanting to take the next step. You trying to step in and help fix the issue could cause more issues because you are not anyway related to him or married to his dad. It's very difficult to see a demon child run loose and no one do anything about it (believe me I have friends). Hopefully that helps, but if you honestly can not handle how his son is (and frankly I can't blame you), then you should probably find someone else who can control their kids.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

It's all about you, not the 5 year old! Geesh. You are a powerful intelligent grown woman. Why are you using the 5 yr old as an excuse to get out of a relationship you clearly do not want to be in?

C'mon, pull your skirt on and be honest with yourself and then him. Think about it. If you really wanted things to work out, you would only seek solutions to the issue with the 5yr old. Look at what you have asked. (summary) I am having trouble with my bf 5 yr old son, should I break up with my bf.

That's a lot different than... My bf and I are having trouble with his 5yr old. We can't seem to get on the same page to effectively handle it.

Consider this is about you. Maybe you don't want to be with this guy. Or maybe you do but you are scared so you are looking for a reason to run.

Just take on discovering what you really want, and how you are getting in the way of it. No one here can answer what you should do, because we don't know what's really there for you.

Answer 6

If you can't accept his son and how HE chooses to deal with him, then by all means, WALK AWAY! This guy is only going to get offended if you start making little comments and offering your advice. So you could walk away now and it be an amicable split or do it later and it be a very bad split. You also have to look at it this way: how is the kids Mom going to react to a strange woman coming in and saying that her kid needs fixed? This has the potential to turn into a REALLY bad situation. Just walk away........

Answer 7

Look children act out for many reasons. This child only gets a small amount of time with his father maybe you need to step back and give him and his father alone time to build his security with his father back up. The broken family brings many problems your a outside friend and need to show the child you care about there feelings. I would express your feelings to the parent but not in a I'm going to leave you if you don't get your child right way. If you leave someone because of there child you never loved them in the first place.

Answer 8

It's hard to decide what to say to someone in a situation like this. Your boyfriend may get mad and take it as an insult that you're "trying to tell him how to raise his son" and that could cause problems between you. Also if you don't say anything that will obviously cause problems because his son would still be a brat. Is it possible to limit your time with your boyfriend when he has his son? That could help.

Answer 9

The boy is probably threatened by you. He feels you will take his Daddy away. Also since he is only with his dad such little time you might want to let him have some time a lone with his dad. He is only 5 he doesn't know how else to express his feelings than to act out. Negative attention is still attention. Children need attention and he will get it positivley or negitively.

Answer 10

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