im engaged to be married sometime next year?

Question

but our relation ship i feel like wanting the beginning back u know lots of kiss cuddle ect... my bloke is kurdish so i cant eat pig or go out with out him and where a skirt, not drink alcohol unless we r going out somewhere special like barbee on the beach help me decide

Answer 1

You know what to do. Your uncentaintly explains it all.

Answer 2

Your uncertainty about this relationship doesn't mean anything.

Let me explain.

You are missing that feeling of closness, that feeling of intimacy the passion and INTENSITY of your connection to him that you had at the begning of your relationship.

Right?

I bet that you are, and here is the straight skinny on that, it doesn't last... in ANY relationship, you have to WORK to keep it there and it just DOES NOT LAST.

Here is the good news though, it comes back... It is very cyclical that feeling of passion, is like the tide, it comes and it goes.

It depends on how long you have been with your fiance, now if it has been say over a year, then I would say that this is just a phase and it will go away on it's own.

Now you say that your man is Kurdish, meaning he is muslim correct? Does the fact that you can't eat pork bother you excessivly? Or the other restrictions of being in a muslim relationship? How religious is he? I mean I'm catholic and my girl wears a patch, and while it is considered a sin, I don't freak out about it, i have committed many so one more...

Are you sure that your complaints about his religion are not based in the fact that you feel dissatisfied and are looking for an excuse not to marry this guy?

I think you should do what you want, but if you truely love this guy (and you must if you are getting married provided you are mature enough to understand that commitment - and that isn't aput down but I don't know how old you are) then you owe it to yourself and to him to sit-down and discuss the religon thing openly, ask him how much of the muslim religous life will you be expected to adhere to, are you guys going to live in the Iraq, or Turkey?

You need to have an open and honest conversation about these issues, however, just remember that if you want the passion back, you have to work at it, and just because it isn't around now does not mean that you don't love your man, or that he doesn't love you, passion does NOT last forever, and YOU have to revive it in a relationsihp.

Good luck sweetie, and I hope this helps.

Answer 3

As someone has rightly mentioned, communication between your bloke and you is very important at this stage. No matter how hard or unpleasant it may seem at the moment with your wedding approaching sometime next year, you need to discuss these 'concerns' with your bloke now rather than later. Effective communication will help the two of you not only understand and appreciate each other's concerns but might even lead to 'bonding' and hence a more fulfilling relationship where issues are openly discussed and dealt with and a compromise sought. The decision to remain with or without your bloke is ultimately for you alone to decide and you need to feel confident in yourself about whatever decision you take - but it is certainly advisable NOT to compromise on personal happiness and satisfaction. I hope it all turns out well for you. Goodluck!

Answer 4

you are giving up a lot for this guy I was going through the same problem a few weeks ago the romance had gone there was no cuddles etc just taking each other for granted I canceled my wedding and told him I needed a weeks break to see if we still had something, talk to him tell him you need the attention and that you miss it all .I think it is just a case of gettnig comfortable with each other and the bloke thinks it dont matter anymore about the cuddles and stuff any more how long you been together?Before you marry him make sure you are completly comfortable with shat you are giving up and also make sure you think he is 100% worth it you must really love him if you are willing to

Answer 5

Some questions are just so simple.

If you have doubts, get out now. You aren't buying a car that you can take back on warranty, or a kitten that you can shove into a sack with a brick and heave into the canal, you are getting a husband, a life partner. He is already taking control of your life and you are uncertain about that, and that means you cannot even think about marrying this man. Marriage without 100% commitment on both sides is a short, sharp slope to divorce court and, in some cultures, even worse. Worse for the woman, that is.

I repeat, get out now.

Answer 6

Don't get married unless your relationship is right. If you're feeling deprived because you aren't allowed to do the things that are normal in your culture then all is not well and you need to talk to him. If you're planning on living in the UK then you are going to find it very difficult to give up things that he insists on.

Personally I think respect for another's culture goes both ways. You sound like you are doing your best to respect his, but is he making an effort to understand that you have different values and should be able to do the things you want to do as well? If not, then you have a real problem.

Answer 7

Sounds like you're already giving up a lot of things you've enjoyed in the past to be with your "bloke". If you want your marriage to work - you really need to explain to him that you miss all the romance you once had in the beginning of your relationship. Based on the items you mentioned - no pork, no skirts, no alcohol, he should be willing to put forth an effort to fulfill YOUR needs. In fact, that should be the least he could because basically you're the one making a serious change in YOUR lifestyle to be together with him. He should be grateful.

Answer 8

You have gone pretty far in this relationship so now you just need to talk to him and find out what you both want. He is from a very strong religious background. As the wife you are expected to follow his ways of life. If you arent ready to make that committee then you should think about getting out of the engagement before you are stuck in a misrable and unescable situation. If you are truely in love though and can live with his life still than God Bless You and good luck with it.

Answer 9

Look, this guy is already laying down a lot of rules and regulations according to his beliefs, but it's supposed to be you that he loves. If you think you can honestly live the rest of your life according to everything this man says then marry him, if you want to have an opinion, wear what you want, do what you want (within the confines of a relationship) and basically have a life of your own - then run as fast as you can in the oposite direction now. You have a free mind - use it while you can, because by the sounds of it when you marry this guy he'll own that as well.

Answer 10

A marriage should be a partnership. If you give up something willingly (be it pork or sleeping with other people) that is your decision but I would caution anyone from getting into a relationship where one partner forbids something to the other whatever the reason - that is power and for one partner to have more power than the other is a dangerous thing.

Answer 11

going out and drinking is nothing really in a relationship. if you feel you need it then your with the wrong person. just because he doesnt eat the same things as you doesnt mean you arent matched, my boyfriend likes spicy crisps and i dont. it doesnt affect anything but is the same kinda thing as one person eatng pork and the other not. if you're uncertain then maybe you shouldnt be with him, especially this far in advance. you should be 100% sure when you're gonna marry someone. this is the person you will be with for the rest of your life. can you handle that?