we promised wen we have a baby nothing will change but it did. we stopped the kiss, cuddles?

Question

i cry most times as its always me that makes the move or if he does he goes for the rude parts or only want sex

Answer 1

Kids are such hard work both emotionally and physically. I think most couples struggle to be intimate with each other at times. You just have to stick at it.

Answer 2

Listen, this happens to every couple...and I mean everyone. We all promised each other that nothing would change but the truth is that children have an affect on your marriage....a big one.....and how you deal with this change ultimately will determine the outcome of your marriage. Here's what I've learned:

Children do not strengthen a marriage: they place a strain on it. The arrival of a child is a time of great joy, change and anxiety. Yes, anxiety....you begin to wonder whether you'll be a good parent, whether you're doing 'it' (whatever it is) right and all the suggestions and helpful hints you get from relatives can make your head spin.

You and your husband have changed. The minute your child is born, the person you were has either taken a back seat or has been replaced. I've always thought that being a parent has made me a better person: I care more about the environment - I certainly don't want my child living in a world that's falling apart. You're more empathetic to others. You're just less self centered.

As a mother your focus is the welfare of your baby...and although you're thinking that it's not...I think most people would agree that this is the way nature intended it. A child's chances for survival are far greater if the mother has blinders on. The flip side of the coin is that you're so focused on your child that your husband feels that his place in your life/heart has been dropped to second best....and although they may say they understand that the welfare of 'little Johnny or Jane' comes first, they may not have the patience of Job for the long haul.

I think the normal complaint is that husbands are constantly rebuffed by their wives and not the other way around. Usually, mothers spend all day in physical contact with their offspring so that by the time they get them to bed, the last thing they want is someone touching or NEEDING them. In your case, you're approaching your husband. After reading your question over several times, my thought is that he's sulking. He's upset about the amount of attention the baby is getting...and this is how he's punishing you for it. He knows you want the affection so he's not going to give it to you.

Having a new baby in the house is tough. You're both exhausted; your old routine is gone and to be frank, most men aren't very good at handling their new role in life.

Time to sit down and have a honest discussion with him. If you're not making any headway, you may want to head straight for the nearest couple's counsellor before the situation spirals out of control and you become another statistic.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

Part of it is that when you have kids, one or both parents may be really tired or really stressed and not feel like cuddling. A lot of times it's the Mom that loses interest because the constant physical contact with the baby makes her kinda tired of being touched. Also, I know it's hard, but if you're crying a lot, like it or not ... it might not be making you the most fun person to be with. Try being happy and bubbling and flirtatious ... but be a little hard to get. If all he wants is some rude 'bumbing uglies', maybe make him work for it. Show him you want him, but that he's got to treat you like somebody special and 'get you in the mood.' A mom who's just had a baby may not be feelin' very sexy, right? Mr. Dad's just gotta get with the program and make that mom feel like a WOMAN again.

Answer 4

it happens. when the abby was not around all you have to think is each other--u please each other in all things you do but that totally changes when the little angel comes. All priorities are transfered to the angel given the fact that you have to be with him every waking and sleeping hour. So this changes everything between the 2 of u. Of course the love is there and yet the giving of priority to the angel( i believe) is in turn grabbing your time for him. His being rash maybe just a mixture of his expressing the emotion plus his want to be with you(:)) I think you stiil have to talk and tell him how everything should chage but not the love.. u just have to adjust so that you will have 10 minutes of the 1 hour you give to your kid...and dont forget to let him kiss and cuddle the baby too.

Answer 5

It does come back. I felt exactly the same, it's hard to switch from housewife/mummy to sex goddess in an instant, but the men don't get it. But now my little boy is 5 months old and i am getting hang of it all, it has sarted to come back. It helps when they sleep through the night and you know that you don't have to get up at 5am anymore. Last night me and my hubby cuddled up on the sofa and watched a film together, it was lovely, just like the 'old days'. Don't worry too much as it will make you feel even worse, just remeber to talk to each other and remind yourselves how much you love each other.

Answer 6

You 2 need to talk! Same thing happened to me when I had my first child. The baby has to come first and some parents end up losing their personal connection for awhile. Some guys even find themselves jealous of all the attention the baby gets. You need to re-establish time for yourselves as a couple. If you truely love each other, you'll work it all out. BUT, it will take communication and give and take from BOTH of you to work! Time also plays a key role in this situation. As the baby grows and gets older, they'll require less of your time at night and you'll have more time for each other. Just make sure your baby is on a bedtime schedule and don't deviate from it. It's very important to the baby and to you, as parents.

Good luck with this; I hope it all works out for you!

Answer 7

Welcome to parenthood. Whenever you have childern things change, I think the men get jealous because of the attention the baby gets and they don't realize how tired we get. For some reason Romance goes out the door and is replace by just sex! I wish I could tell you it gets better but it doesn't at least not in household, I have 5 childern, and 5 Grandchildern and 1 on the way. 1 grandchild that live with me, I love my husband but the romance is gone. I hope to rekindle our romance, he is truely my solemate

Answer 8

Sounds like you have a little bit of post natal depression and your partners not helping. Talk to him and explain that sometimes you would like to just sit and cuddle and maybe even touch (non sexual parts) in the knowledge that sex will not follow. Just until you get your equilibriam back in order.
Also - GO SO YOUR DOCTOR

Answer 9

now you know the harsh reality of men. they say they will do one thing and the do the complete opposite. if we as women could change one thing about men i wish it could be that. men need to realize that it hurts us emotionally when the affection just stops all of a sudden for whatever reason. it makes us feel unwanted or like we aren't attractive or sexy enough for our man any more. some men also just like to f**k and we, as women, like to do the same but once in a while we want more of a sensual love making.

Answer 10

aww im so sorry hun, having a baby is meant to bring happiness not tears....

it was the same with my ex, but he only made move once and thats cause he was drunk....

you need to discuss it with him sweetie and try and figure out why this is, in the case of me, my ex found he didnt actually find me attractive no more and no longer loved me.....
its best to find out as soon as poss to save yourself prolonging the heartache and tears

good luck hun, and stay strong for little one
:)