I have been with my guy for sometime (6 years), and I am ready to get married and he isn't. He has given me various excuses; first it was "I just got out of school, let me get a job and then once I save up some $ then..." That was about 3 years ago. Now his excuse is that he has saved up enough, and is worried he won't be able to buy a house. I understand a man's need to be stable in his life before he adds on another...but still..
Also, for the past year or so he kept bugging me to move in with him and stay with him and I kept saying no...and then I finally said I am willing to move in, all he has to do is marry me, and then a few weeks later he stopped bugging me...So, when I recently brought up the marriage thing again he was like what's the rush? He said that people who are ready for marriage are people who are ready to move in together and be with each other all the time and stuff, and he thinks we are still young and not settled enough.I am 25 and he is 27 & he has a good job
2006-07-24 01:33:41 · 24 answers · asked by Strawberry 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He also thinks he will be ready to get married by the time he is in his 30's...and I dunno if I can wait that long...10 years of dating would be to much for me.
2006-07-24 02:11:00 · update #1
well I think he needs some time to think about it a bit
2006-07-24 01:35:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
it seems he is running from commitment but also married life is something totally different cause me an my hub have a six year age difference between us an i got married when i was 18 an now I'm 20 an still happily married with 1 child an right now w e are trying to get a house living with in laws didn't seem to work out any way if he has a good job an is saving to get a house an stuff marriage counseling is no only for marriages that are failing it also for up coming marriages try it an also try living with him a while so move it an see how u respond to each other b4 taking it to the next level so if u can handle the living together part in it 1st cause allot of couples break up that way
2006-07-24 08:44:22 · answer #2 · answered by vicsha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He definelty isnt ready for the full committment. I would sit down and take a long look at the whole picture. What kind of guy is he? Is he a saver or a spender? If hes a saver then maybe he really is saving for the house. If not then hes just stringing you along. He compares his own age a feeling to yours. Just because he thinks hes too young and unsettled doesnt mean you are. Women mature earlier than men do. Give yourself a time limit here. A year max. If he hasnt made a move then start rethinking your future with this guy.
2006-07-24 08:44:34 · answer #3 · answered by ella s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many reasons that people don't get married and while I could waste your time discussing them, I think you need to realize that he doesn't want to marry you. Six years is a long time for any relationship and while the normal evolution would end in two people getting married, I don't think this will be your case.
He asked you to move it, so it would seem that he likes your company and the benefits you give him. Your choice to not move in without a marriage has forced him to choose between having you in his home or not. He chose not.
If marriage is important to you, you need to move on and find another guy. I'd tell him that while he needs more money and a better job for his happiness, that you've reached a point that you need to be married. I bet he'll reevaluate his previous decision.
2006-07-24 08:46:25 · answer #4 · answered by Chainsawmom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People like your boyfriend are shy to take risks. It has to do with their nature. They fear failure to the extent that they will never make any attempt. In your case, he is simply not convinced that he can handle marriage. He fears the outcome and forgets that they can be managed. He focuses on those who had a bad run with marriage and forgets even his boss who is successful about it. The good news is that all these have a solution.
Convince him to see a marriage counselor of his choice and bare your minds when you are there. Don't be hard on him because that is what he is afraid of. The opinion of the third party may work the magic. Also add that the wedding will be done the way he wants it.
Good luck.
2006-07-24 08:46:51 · answer #5 · answered by Sage_Learner 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has not made a full commitment to you. He does bring up some valid points...but I don't think they reflect the true underlying issue. I suspect he probably has a fear of commitment...and it is up to you whether you choose to remain in an uncommitted relationship or not. I've heard horror stories about women who dedicated themselves to a man who refused to follow through on this final step...and then wound up marrying someone else fairly quickly..once the existing relationship hit an impasse. What you might want to do is sit him down, look at a calendar, and pick a date he feels comfortable with. Then hold him to it. This will help you to decide if it will ever take place. Don't concern yourself with the actual date...just see if he can pick one. Then you'll know, one way or another. Then you can make a more informed choice for yourself.
2006-07-24 08:44:47 · answer #6 · answered by riverhawthorne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, he has a good job and he might have another woman on the side. If you don't think that's the problem, he is having trouble with comittment. Either way, don't move in with this dude. His goals and your goals are not the same. You're ready for a marriage; he's not. Six years is a long time to put into a relationship and get back absolutely nothing! Give him the ultimate choice: We get married....or we're through. And mean it. He's just wasting your time.
2006-07-24 08:37:34 · answer #7 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
bottom line is ..he's not ready and you can't make him be!! I suggest that you don't move in unless you're married because he will always find an excuse not to marry you..sounds like he's afriad of commitment. Find out by directly asking him why he's against marriage? Another possibility is that he doesn't want to marry you! Start making your own plans for the future...without him.
2006-07-24 08:38:14 · answer #8 · answered by beautifully broken 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he is afraid of commitment. Or maybe you are both sending mixed signals. 6 years is a long time. Just sit down and discuss this with him. Let him know you love him and support him, but you would also like to know there is that commitment and bond between you. Marriage is sacred and maybe he just isn't ready. Give it some time and if all else fails, give him all the space he needs.
2006-07-24 08:38:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should move in with him...personally, i don't think that people should be allowed to get married untill they have lived together for at least 6 months to a year....you can love somebody all you want, but you may not be able to live with habits that the other person has...and some of these ONLY show themselves when you actually live together....it doesn't matter if you spend almost all your time there, anyway...it is totally different living together.
2006-07-24 08:40:35 · answer #10 · answered by mjboog2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a big step... and although you might be ready for it he apparently is not.. Don't go pushing the subject.. that will only cause your relationship to go south..
There are no rules to WHEN you to get married.., but sit down and talk to him about this. Tell him why you want to get married...and ask what his reservations are to marriage.
Keep communicating about this, but don't switch to nagging-mode. We men have the tendency to shutdown when faced with that.. :-)
Good luck..
2006-07-24 08:38:41 · answer #11 · answered by japjongetje 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋