should i tell all?

Question

My mum found me smoking on saturday night, although my brother smokes they never thought i would be stupid enpugh to do so, tehy constantly told me that. They pulled me up today and told me they were so disappointed in me and my mum even cried (my dad just lectured me and called me an idiot).
They have asked me in the past if i have smoked weed which i denied but if they find that out now it will kill them both!!! Should i confess all ive done to them before they find out in the future,( if they find out) and think that im a liar too????
Im wracked with guilt that i just ,made my own mother cry, what should i do?

i have not touched anything in 2 years!

Answer 1

If you feel so guilty, then you have 2 options. Don't tell them, but turn your life around, or tell them and turn your life around. If you tell them, yes, they will be upset, but they can be a support for you as you stop using (If you haven't already).
If it's bothering you this much, I think that you should tell them. It will help you to gain their trust by being honest, and you won't have the guilt.
Good Luck!

Answer 2

In an ideal world we would always tell the truth so that our consciences would never be a guilty one, and the people on the receiving end of our 'truth' would always say; "well thank you for telling me the truth that is the most important thing- now we can move on and forget about it". However in real life this is not the case, by teeling your parents about something you did TWO YEARS ago you will only stand to upset them, and perhaps make them lose all confidence with you.

Don't feel guilty- have pride in yourself that you stopped smoking weed off your own back- YOU made that concious decision- which reflects what a great up bringing you had.

Answer 3

You learn as you go through life that sometimes confessing creates more problems than it solves. If this situation straightens you up, then it has served its purpose, and should probably be left as is. The point in life always is to MAKE CHANGES, not to have to pay for mistakes along the way. Suggestion, though: I'm guessing you're a good candidate for getting back into smoking after the discomfort of having disappointed your parents wears off. Find positive reasons to be a NON-SMOKER that are meaningful to YOU and those reasons might see you through temptation in the future. [I want to use that money for.... , I want my lungs to stay healthy, A date will never tell me my breath is pukey from having smoked too much (you can't cover that with mints), ----stuff like that]

Answer 4

If you haven't smoked in two years, they should be proud of you for that. However, as they haven't asked for a while, I wouldn't go upsetting things by telling them now, but if you get asked again, you could say that you have done, and chose not to, and haven't done for a couple of years and don't intend to. I would be proud if my daughter told me that when she gets older.

As for the smoking cigarettes, I would suggest you quit as soon as possible, as the longer you smoke, the harder it is to quit. Its a waste of money, you're actually paying someone to kill you slowly and possibly incredibly painfully. It makes you stink and will become so socially unacceptable in a few years from now that you'll probably quit then anyway. And I'm saying this as a smoker, still battling the addiction, despite having given up several times, once for three years.

Mothers are great at making us feel all guilty over stuff. Sometimes because we know we have done wrong and let them down, sometimes because they have an image of us that we didn't give them and cannot possibly live up to, and sometimes they do it as a means of control. Really. If you decide to quit, tell them so and ask for their support. Tell them you are sorry you upset them, and sorry you started in the first place and thank them for caring.

If you decide you cannot or do not want to quit at the moment, for whatever reason, I wouldn't say anything. If they bring it up, tell them you are sorry they are dissapointed in you, that it hurts that they are, but for the moment at least, you are a smoker and fully aware of the risks. Good luck.

Answer 5

You shouldn't tell her unless you are still smoking weed. If its something you have done then tut tut but everyone does it.

Smoking is a stupid thing to do and once again at least 90% of people do it once time in their life. Give up while you can !!

This will not be the first or the last time you make your mum cry, she will be disappointed but what mum wont.

XX

Answer 6

The question you need to ask yourself is this, am I gonna do it again? Your feelings of guilt are from getting caught for one and for what it has done to your parents, especially your Mom. They want the best for you and smoking pot isnt the best you can do with your life now is it? I think to confess to both of them would be a good way to clear your conscious but there will be consequences . Like more lectures and definelty more tears from your Moms broken heart. Are you ready to take it? If so then step up and take whats coming to you. Then be the person they believe you can be. Not just one of the crowd.

Answer 7

Thats a tough spot for all of you. I think it depends on what you hope to come out of all of it? If you are genuinely sorry and dont plan on doing something again, then I would sit them down sometime (not right now, maybe a few days) and talk to them about why you did it , why you think it was dumb or what you learned from it and why you are telling them. If you plan on smoking more cigarettes or weed, then why bother saying anything?? All you are going to do is relieve your guilt until the next time you do it AND hurt your parents all over again later. Good luck

Answer 8

You have to consider what YOU think is best here. Do you want to carry- on without them knowing the truth, and then them potentially finding- out what you have done, or admitting it to them and recieving those consequences? Either way, if they find- out, they'll still be disappointed, but just remember that honesty is always best, and if you feel it's necessary to tell them, then do. They may think it better than hiding it, and although you've denied it in the past, explain it's because you didn't want to put them through the disappointment again. If you decide to go ahead and tell them, you can feel less guilty because you decided to use honesty. I don't know how they'll react so make the best decision for yourself, but also remember they'll only be disappointed in you because they care. Good luck.

Answer 9

Your mom is going to be upset and disappointed in you, no matter if you tell her or she finds out later. If you don't want to hurt her then you need to stop! There are few things worse for a mother or daddy than to find out that their child is doing something as stupid as smoking, drinking, or doing drugs. These things are a parents nightmare. I know that many people do the things you are doing, but that doesn't make them right. Your parents are trying to help you to become a decent, successful human being. Parents usually react the way yours did when they know that their child is making a huge mistake, and they are afraid for their child.

Answer 10

The reason they are upset is they love you that much they cannot stand the thought that you are doing anything that may have huge consequences to your health. It is hurting them that something bad may happen to you because of what you are doing to yourself. You are wracked with guilt because you know that they love you and you are hurting them with your actions. You are the most important person in your parents life!! You have two choices here: Continue doing what you are doing and do not tell your parents OR tell your parents what you have been doing and ask them to help you to change your bad habits. I'm sure if you were honest with them and asked for their help they would gladly help you. Remember you are their son and they love you more than anything!! Good luck x

Answer 11

I don't think they are ready for you to be that honest with them. If you haven't been able to be honest with them to this point maybe you should just change yours ways. you sound like you regret upsetting them, if thats the case you will stop doing things that will hurt them. Personally when I find myself already in a ditch I don't want to dig it deeper. But it is human nature to do so. Therefore, if it would free your conscience, tell them and leave out the details. It isn't lying or any worse than you have already done. It is just omitting parts of what you have done. Then tell them you wont do it again and you would like to earn their trust and respect back and that you are sorry and you love them. Then stick to it.
Parents eventually find out everything.... Good luck.