Sometimes I remember the bullies in my past: school bullies, work bullies, and people that have completely betrayed me. It bothers me to a point where I feel that I can never forgive them. If the person told me sorry to my face then yes, I would forgive them. But NONE of these people will NEVER apologize for the wrong they have done. How do you forgive people in your past that never apologized and how do you let them go? I know it is only hurting me up inside but I have a photographic memory and I do not forget.
2006-07-23 22:18:59 · 26 answers · asked by TiredofIdiots 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
There is a difference between forgiving and forgetting. You will not forget what happened to you - it's a part of you, it's a part of your past, and it will always be.
BUT - you forgive by saying to yourself - There is obviously something wrong with these people that they feel they have to hurt and belittle others to feel good. How sad and pathetic that must be!
You also say to yourself - when I was a child, I had no control over how they victimized me, but now I'm an adult, and these people are no longer in my life, and I refuse to allow them to continue to victimize me by dwelling on this. Because if I dwell on it, then THEY aren't victimizing me anymore - I'M victimizing MYSELF. I'm going to take the time to face these feelings, allow myself to be angry and sad about it, then I'm going to let it go. When you start to focus on what they've done and you start to get upset and angry about it, stop, think about these things, and think of the good, wonderful, successful things in your life that you have in spite of them (and maybe, in some ways, because of them, because every experience, whether good or bad, shapes us, and maybe some of your successes are a response to the negatives they were in your life).
You can help with the process of working through it by writing a letter to each and every one of them that stand out in your mind, telling them off for what they did, and telling them how what they did hurt you, then, once you have your letters written, burn them one at a time, with the understanding that by destroying the letter you are destroying the hold they have over you.
Also, remind yourself how every second you spend wasting on thinking about them is time you give them to live in your head and give them top billing so to speak. Why would you want to give them that honor? Then, go find something else to do that's going to engage your mind.
You might need to repeat this many times, but eventually, you will work though it.
Good luck!
PS - if you are really having that hard a time with this, you might also want to consider talking to a counselor who can help you through it.
2006-07-23 22:53:44 · answer #1 · answered by seasailorwife 2 · 8⤊ 2⤋
If you are carrying these memories around with you, and if you cannot and won't let them go, then you really need to talk to someone to determine why you continue to carry around these painful memories. Instead of remembering what happened then - besides, there is nothing you can do to change the past - why not concentrate on now and where your life is and how much better it is (hopefully) now than how your life was then.
If you were to follow up on those bullies and the people who hurt you, you might find many of those bullies now have grown up and are treating other people quite decently. Many of them may not even remember you if you were able to approach them.
Many don't realize the damage that they have done.
You may find others to be still a complete waste of time - they learned nothing - and so they picked on you simply because they knew that they were nothing, so they had to put you down in order to elevate them - a cheap shot at best.
Consider where you are now, how wonderful your life is, and believe in how good a person that you turned out to be despite the bullies and those who treated you badly.
If you feel that you turned out fine, then you've beaten them - you have won. So there is every reason for you to have pride in yourself.
2006-07-23 22:25:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i had the same problem- to forgive one person (not a few, only this one ) i had a neardeath experience as a result from that , and that person try to be close to me. I wanted to just continue hating this person, but then after a while it was clear to me that i had to forgive and move on- BUT that person asked me for forgiveness, and that made it easier. Hate transforms you into something that you realy do not want to be- i hope you can forgive these people. You deserve a better life. God bless
2006-07-23 22:23:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why should you feel obligated to forgive everyone who has ever wronged you? Instead of beating yourself up for your "failure" to forgive these meanies, give yourself permission to feel your righteous anger! I'm not saying that you should brood, should dwell on wrongs from the distant past. Thinking of past wrongs is generally counter-productive, worse than a waste of energy. But when you do think of these things, your thought should be "What a rotten person, I hate that bastard and always will!" -- not "Oh dear, I am such a rotten person to be harboring anger, boo hoo." Just go ahead and accept your own anger.
2006-07-23 23:08:23 · answer #4 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Nobody really deserves to be forgiven. That's why it's called forgiveness. We all have done things to hurt others and we don't always deserve forgiveness. Keeping that in mind should help you to forgive the unforgivable.
2006-07-23 22:37:56 · answer #5 · answered by Fat Guy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can completely relate to the way you feel because I am very much the same. Just remember that no one is perfect. Also it helps to think that even though you're forgiving them, you're doing it to benefit yourself not them. Also the more you say it outload to yourself that you are forgiving them, the easier it seems to feel like you have.
2006-07-23 22:25:27 · answer #6 · answered by ascarletccsn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You always have to forgive. Why would you insist not forgiving someone? Make it a point to not let bullies bully you. Stick up for yourself. You have the right to.
2006-07-23 22:24:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
The key is forgiving but not forgetting. You're life isn't worth spending all of your time hating people, so you just gotta let it go. Peace.
2006-07-23 22:20:31 · answer #8 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not be able to forget. But forgiveness is being kind. Just ignore such people in your life and life will never be tough for you!!
2006-07-24 01:51:29 · answer #9 · answered by Soneia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't hold the hate inside. Hate is like acid, it will destroy the vessel that carries it and also poison everything inside.
My best friend had an affair with my husband two weeks before we got married. I didn't learn about it for a year.
I forgave her (not because she deserved it) but because I needed to for my own soul.
School bullies? Get over it and get on with your life.
2006-07-23 22:25:15 · answer #10 · answered by boogiewunker 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋