I know this questions sounds immature on my part but I would really like to know from the experience of some divorced guys that remarried after a while.
I have never been married and my fiancée is divorced. As far as I know, he does not give much thought to his ex-wive but I keep wondering if he will remember on our wedding day that he already went through all this before and so on... Do you think it will be less special in a way since it is not his first time?
I know these are negative thoughts that I am having but I find it difficult sometimes to cope with a certain degree of "jealousy" of her..
I appreciate your answers beforehand. Thank you!
2006-07-23 21:37:54 · 11 answers · asked by sunshine 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Over is over. Spend your energies on the positive things and planning a special day for the two of you. Trust me he will only have eyes and thoughts of you. Relax...life is good. Congratulations and good luck!
2006-07-23 21:43:39 · answer #1 · answered by jodie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh I don't think your question is immature at all, and I don't think you should think of these as negative thoughts. You are very realistic, is all it seems like to me. If I'm being very honest, I would say it would be really difficult for him not to perhaps give a few minutes of thought to a previous wedding or marriage when he's going through another. This would be natural. It would almost be unavoidable. But in no way do I think that his wedding to you will be any less special to him because he has been married before. That's almost like saying the second time I gave birth wouldn't be special to me because I had already done it. When I gave birth the second time, I had some thoughts of the first time but it was a completely different experience with a different outcome. It's like that. So much of life repeats itself in cycles, and we learn and we love and we keep going. Try as hard as you can to let feelings of jealousy for her go. You have him. Enjoy him. Don't let worry bring you down at this special time.
2006-07-28 17:20:30 · answer #2 · answered by Rvn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It really depends. You said you don't think he normally thinks of his first wife @ all, so the love that was there must be gone. When you two get married, it may cross his mind. But they got a divorce for a reason. And he'd be marrying you for a reason. That would prove that it's you he loves & not her. I understand the "jealousy" thing. I've been there. My boyfriend has an ex-wife. But like in his circumstance, they were really high when they got married & mainly did it because they had a child together. People don't always marry for love. But like I said, if he divorced her & is marrying you, you shouldn't have anything to worry about. Good luck! (Try not to worry so much...I think it's in a woman's genes to feel insecure before taking such a big step. But especially if he's showed no signs of missing her, try to not stress it)
2006-07-23 21:46:09 · answer #3 · answered by Me in TN 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to assume that he made a bad choice the first time around, but now he knows he made the right one. He's going to marry you, right? That's what he will think about on your wedding day. Some divorced husbands will think about their ex-wives, but it is based on the nature of the divorce and the reasons why. It took a long time for me (12 years) before I could develop a civil relationship with her. For some men, it is out of sight and out of mind. You should talk about your feelings with your fiance so that he can assure you.
2006-07-29 20:20:29 · answer #4 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey if he divorced her he didn't want to be with her. I think that if he is getting married a second time he has given it much more thought and isn't rushing into something. I'm sure this will be a day that he will never forget...and you either for that matter. The only bride that will be on his mind is you. Don't worry about it and just enjoy the hear and now. If you dwell on his past, you can't move forward with your ( the two of you) future.
2006-07-23 21:54:11 · answer #5 · answered by mrslang1976 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think u r right about that...Ive known 2 men that talked about their ex wives..one guy complained what a "witch" his 2 ex wives were...Yep..2 ex wives...and the other complimented his ex wife as if though he was still with her..even admitted that he would do anything for her if she ever needed him ...which is understandable..since the ex wife was a good woman...never understood why they divorced if all was GREAT...Congrats on Ur Impending wedding..and don't sweat that minor stuff...just enjoy Ur day and your new life...Good luck
2006-07-23 21:43:45 · answer #6 · answered by celine8388 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We always will have some thought of our ex wives for some reason or another...good or bad. Especially if kids are involved. But as far as it being less special, as you called it, it'll be a NEW marriage, to a NEW bride, so it'll as special as you to make it because it'll be YOUR wedding.If he was thinking that hewent thru "all this before" he wouldnt be marrying you or anyone else.
2006-07-23 23:32:56 · answer #7 · answered by navyflyrz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put your mind to rest. You wedding day he will only think about you. (that is unless YOU choose to drag in the past.)
He will not compare you to her. He has chosen to marry you. Let his past be the past. Do be sensitive if there are kids or family who aren't totally comfortable with his new life. You will make it worse if you make anything to do wtih this. IT is their issue NOT yours.
You have already said he doesn't give her much thought. lets keep it that way.
I totally understand your certian degree of jealously. BUT believe me don't ever let anyone see it, you will come across childish.
She will be as big of a problem as you LET her be.
He has chosen you. The two fo you are starting a new life.
Please don't bring her in to it. Work her out of your mind and make this a good marriage.
2006-07-29 20:07:20 · answer #8 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, in him choosing to marry you he is in no way thinking of his ex- wife. if he decided to do it again you must be in no way shape or form anything like his ex. the only thing that may go through his mind is if he may be making the same mistake but obviously he asked you to marry him dont worry so much and congrats i hope you have a very blessed life with your husband to be
2006-07-23 21:45:33 · answer #9 · answered by smitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
never,was told she was pregnant,after 13 months still no baby,so our whole relationship was a lie,
good luck and have happy marriage,as long as you can have trust,without being jealous or fighting you will make it
2006-07-23 21:42:53 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋