2006-07-23 20:20:20 · 9 answers · asked by panda 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
1.Q:Why do blonds have square boobs?
A:Cause they forgot to take the tissue out of the box.
2.Q:Why do blonds write T.G.I.F. on there shoes?
A:TOES GO IN FIRST
3.Q:How do blondes pierce their ears?
A:They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
4.Q: How many blonds does it take to screw in alight bulb ?
A: Let's just say the brunettes have to help!
5.Q:How many blonds does it take to make a chocolate cake ?
A :5 - 1 to get the idea, 1 to mix the batter ,1 to turn on the stove,1 to stick it in the stove , and 1 to peel the SMARTIES!!!!
6.Q : Why does the dead brunette regreat hanging around the blond so much ? A A: Because the blond convinced the brunette she could use her maxi pad WINGS to fly back after jumping !!!!!
7.Q : How did the blond get hit by a car ?
A : She dropped her lip-stick !!!!
8.Q: Howe do you know a blond is having a bad day? A: She's got a tampon behind her ear and she doesn't know where her cigarette went
10.Q: What is an advantage to having a blond as a passenger? A: you get to park in the handicap spaces
Q: why does a blond wear underwear? A: to keep her ankles warm
Redneck Computer Terms
"Hard drive" --
Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
"Keyboard" --
1. Place to hang your truck keys.
2. Whare you're supposed to put da keys so da wife can find 'em. (from NetDummy Humor)
"Window" --
Place in the truck to hang your guns.
"Floppy" --
When you run out of Polygrip.
"Modem" --
1. How you got rid of your dandelions.
2. What you did to da hay fields last July. (from NetDummy Humor)
"ROM" --
Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
"Byte" --
First word in a kiss-off phrase.
"Reboot" --
What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
"Network" --
Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.
"Mouse" --
1. Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
2. What leaves those little turds in da cupboard.
"LAN" --
To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."
"Cursor" --
What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.
"Bit" --
A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."
"Digital Control" --
What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
"Packet" --
What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.
The following were contributed by MRieser198.
"Tab" --
The amount of money you owe the bartender out of your next paycheck.
"Space bar" --
Where aliens and astronauts go when they are thirsty.
The following were contributed by JKing86134.
"Backspace" --
The place in back of front seat of the car where you keep a case of beer.
"Alt" --
Form of verb "be" like, "I alt be gone now."
"Delete" --
The lighter object like, "Don't gimmy the heavy one, gimmy the delete one."
The following were contributed by TwOkEwL4u13.
"My Briefcase" --
What you put all your ol' stuff in when "she" gets mad at you.
The following was contributed by Micheal Shore.
"Shift" --
What you must do when blue lights come on.
The following were contributed by Waddy Thompson.
"Disc" --
What you do before you plow, to level the ground.
"Ram" --
1. Dodge pick up truck.
2. Da hydraulic thing that makes da woodsplitter work. (from NetDummy Humor)
"Rom" --
Wander: "Wher' ya goin?" "Ah dunnow. Recon I'll jus rom round"
"Refresh" --
Mix another Jack Daniels and 7.
"Browser" --
Bowser's name when you're drunk.
"Web" --
DUH? should be obvious. What spiders make, tickles yer butt when you gotta go while in the woods.
"Edit" --
Past tense of "eat" "Wher'd that leftover possum belly go?" " You edit afore you passed out las nite.
"Gig" --
Frogging implement; frog gig. Used while air boating. A bamboo, or fiberglass pole with straightened fish hooks on the business end for spearing frogs.
"Internet" --
Where her fish were when she caught em ( In er net).
"Buddy list" --
Names and phone numbers on the inside wall of the public outhouse above the hole.
"Tab" --
Anceint soft drink, used to mix low calorie drinks with white lightnin.
"Computer Chips" --
What you have when your computer takes a dump, sorta like cow chips.
The following were contributed by Jeremy (The Yankee Redneck).
"Shift" --
What you do to get that truck to go.
"Ins" --
To Enter, as in, "Ins ya go, outs you go".
The following were contributed by Sonovabic.
"Scanner" --
1. What you do to a good lookin' woman.
2. What you listen to the police band on.
The following were taken from Net Dummy Humor.
"Log On" --
Making da wood stove hotter.
"Log Off " --
Don't add wood.
"Monitor" --
1. Keep an eye on da wood stove.
2. What you do when you suspect your wife of cheatin. (from Tweetheart86chic)
"Megahertz" --
When a big log drops on your bare foot in da morning.
"Floppy Disk" --
What you get from piling too much wood.
"Drive" --
Getting home during most of the winter in Kentucky.
"Prompt" --
What you wish da mail was during the snow season.
"Enter" --
Come on in.
"Windows" --
What you shut when it gets 10 below.
"Screen" --
What is a must during black fly season.
"Chip" --
What you munch during Wildcat's games.
"Microchip" --
What's left in da bag when da chips are gone.
"Dot Matrix" --
Eino Matrix's wife.
"Laptop" --
Where da grandkids sit.
"Software" --
Them plastic picnic utensils, eh?.
"Mainframe" --
Da part of da sauna that holds up da roof.
"Port" --
Where da commercial fishin boats dock.
"Random Access Memory" --
Whan you can't remember how much you spent on da new deer rifle when Wifee asks about it.
This is from an unknown source.
"Fonts" --
That really cool guy from the show, Happy Days.
This is from BeauRulz97.
"Laptop" --
Where the stripper sits.
2006-07-23 20:24:35 · answer #1 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
*You're An EXTREME Redneck When.....*
1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.*
2. **The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it. *
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. *You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.*
6. *Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. *Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.*
10. *You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels
12. *The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. *One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. *
We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends. Ya'll know who ya' are...
You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."
You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.
You might be a redneck if: You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."
You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays.
You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.
You might be a redneck if: You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.
You might be a redneck if: You've never burned an American flag in protest.
You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.
You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.
i love redneck jokes, these were sent to me from some friends in the south...rednecks of course! =)
enjoy
lily
2006-07-23 21:26:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know you are a redneck when ...
your "What I did last summer".. eassy included haveing twins.
your familey tree has no branchs
you have lived in the same house at 4 different addresses
you have 7 chairs on your porch but you cant sit in any of them
you asked your wife to marry while you were still under the truck.
you think a water bed is a status symbol.
2006-07-23 23:02:00 · answer #3 · answered by Jean 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a blind guy walks into a bar sits at the bar and sess yall wana here a joke the bar tender sess the girl on your right is a champeon wresaler she is a blond the girl on your left got out of jail and she is a blond i am a black belt and im a blond now are you shere you wana tell that joke he sess know you all wouldnt understand
2006-07-23 20:40:58 · answer #4 · answered by medical junor 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This applies to me,
When you take your spare tire out, and your vehical rises more than an inch, you might be a redneck (or you just have to big of a tire)
2006-07-23 21:09:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are blondes like screen doors? The more you bang em the more they open.
2006-07-23 20:32:53 · answer #6 · answered by healingman2911 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
got redneck joke...lmao!
just find one choke him till he gets red on the neck!..lols jk
sorry got none...cheers!
2006-07-23 20:30:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a good q. Maybe u should watch Comedey Central!!!
2006-07-23 20:24:24 · answer #8 · answered by Mellisa S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a blonde driver was speeding and a blonde cop pulled her over she said your license and registration please ms. the driver did'nt have her license so she pulled out her mirror the cop looked in the mirror and said hey you are a cop too!
2006-07-23 21:07:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋