My Dad is an alcoholic and was never there for me. Should I confront him now?

Question

My dad was always drunk when I was a child, and he cheated on my mom. I have a lot of built up anger towards him and I feel that he's ruined my ability to trust men. It took me 2 years to trust my current bf. My dad was never physically abusive, but he had a way of making me feel like doo doo. I rarely speak to him anymore because I find that I have nothing to say to him nor do I know what to talk about. It's like I don't actually have a dad. Sometimes when I think about him I get so mad I just want to call him and tell him what he did to hurt my sister and I. Should I confront him? He's still an alcoholic, so finding him sober is hard. I just want him to know what he did was wrong. I don't want to die, or have him die without him knowing how much he hurt me. Is that wrong?

Answer 1

There was a question asked by Jesus, " what good is there, if you love only those who love you, ? " so dear just try and love him, your love will change him to be a better person,

Answer 2

Whatever you do or whatever happens i can see that you are intelligent and a good person even with the messed up family situation you had. My cousin grew up in an alcoholic family his dad was drinking and beating him up and even stealing his money that he earned so hard in his teenager days. In the end i dont know what happened between them but his dad died on liver problems long time ago. He could never forgive the horrible memories caused by his father and when i would see him i can see the trauma in his eyes. Right now he is very successfull businessman and has a family. Life seems good for him now even though he had such rough childhood. I understand your frustration and if it doesnt hurt you too much talking about it with your father then i think you should do it. Find him sober sometime and say what you think but dont take your anger out on him verbally. That wont bring anything to anyone. He could expect that behavior because deep inside him he knows his sins. Be patient and nice.... reversed psychology always works... guranteed :) good luck stay strong.

Answer 3

What would you want to gain by confronting him? He's an alcoholic, he has a disease, and if finding him sober is difficult then you're really going to waste your time. I'm glad you rarely speak to him, you probably shouldn't. Maybe one day he'll wake up and realize what he's lost, but then again, maybe not.

Don't let it affect how you see other men though, your father is one man, not all of them. Get counseling for this if you need to.

If you do really feel that you need to get the anger out, why not write a letter? You can mail it or not, but sometimes just writing the bad stuff down is good enough to get it out. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

Confronting him will release some built up emotion you have towards him, and probably will make you feel better. Unfortuately, the only person that can make him change is himself. He probably will have to hit rock bottom in order to want to change and sometimes this won't even do it. Alocholics will usually blame everyone else for their problem when confronted about it and will use alcohol to deal with their own problems. Alcoholism is a disease that can be maintained but cannot be completely cured. There always will be temptation and often times relapses. Alcoholism is often times caused by an underlying problem like depression.

Answer 5

I am really sorry about what happened with you and your family. I understand that you want to have closure with the situation and let him know how badly he hurt you and how he made you feel like you weren't cared for. I had a similar situation with my father, unfortunately at 31 I still have not told him how he made me feel so long ago. It's incredibly hard to work up the courage but this is important to you and i think that maybe finding a safe environment, if possible, to talk to him about it could help you move forward. Do you have a close and trusted relative that could be with you for support when and if you decide to talk to him? There is nothing wrong with wanting to talk to him about the hurt. Getting it out in the open might help mend your relationship with him, or maybe it won't but you will never know until you try. Good luck to you and there is nothing wrong with what you are feeling, it's actually quite healthy and you don't want to keep these feeling pent up to where they are hurting your relationships. Trusting people is hard but give yourself time and allow yourself to be comfortable with trust.

Answer 6

If you feel that it will help you get over him, then you should. Consider if you could look back in 20 years from now what would e worse for you. To think "I wish I would have had a chance to say my piece" or "I wish I would have never confronted him." You should be aware that when you do confront your father, you might not like his reaction, you might not necessarily get the piece you are looking for. There is nothing your Dad will be able to say or do to help you forget your messed up childhood. You will have to forgive him to be able to find your peace. This will be difficult to do, but once you've realized that you are no longer bound by your childhood and all the things he did, you will be able to put this behind you.
I think you need to see counseling to help you with this.

Answer 7

I think if you are strong enough to confront him then you should. I agree with you... now is the time to do it you shouldn't wait because if something were to happen then you would have to live with not knowing the answer. I have a father that I don't speak too and I did write him letter asking him for answers, but all I got back was a letter asking for me to help him... that hurt I hope that you can get the answers you want and deserve. Good luck!

Answer 8

Hi my parents both drink and there has been a lot of crap that has happend, and yes there is day's that I think of all ther crap and want to tell them off thay still drink alot but by telling them how I feel might make me feel better or they might tell me off and ask me not to come around if I don't accept them for who they are they were never physical or abuseive with us but towards each other yes and i see were your coming from were you can't trust men. I snap at my husband a lot for the crap my mom put up with I told my self never will I let my husband hit me or mentally hurt me, but there's a lot of times that i tell my husband off for no reason. He's a wonderful man and is patient with me, but i need to let go of all that anger inside. I seggest that if you talk to him just don't get crazy clam I want you to now you hurt me but i forgive you. I can't tell my parents that cause they are there but they just drink to much, plus they are differnent with my little sisters they do alot of events with them. Good luck thanks for reading my long life story to. God Bless you

Answer 9

No it isnt wrong at all. Just try to find time to be with him or just stick around the house. tell him what you want to say even if it means shouting at him, or do the peaceful way:write him a letter. Just as long as you tell him how you feel, it's all up to you.

Answer 10

airight i went through the same thing with my brother like you and your sister. we both sat down and talked to my dad and now hes sober and has been for like 5 years