Ok, so recently i met this girl in college and we've been seeing each other and hanging out for the past 4 months. 3 weeks ago i confessed to her about my feelings that i really like her and she said she likes me back., but she wants to stay single for now because she needs to learn to grow as a person. And i told her that I'd wait for her because she really is worth the wait, and i dont mind waiting. so a few weeks past and yesterday when i asked her to hang out, it was the first time she said i dont know. and then she said i dont wanna keep saying i dont know so i wanted to tell you that i feel awkward after we hang out because of the thought of me waiting for her makes her feel weird. So i asked her what she wanted to do about it and she said i dont know and that maybe we shouldnt hang out anymore. And every question i asked from then on is an "I dont know." And she later told me she felt that she can't open up her feelings to me and now i dont know what to do.
2006-07-23 18:57:09 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
She also said that we cant have a "real true friendship" because I have feelings for her and im waiting for her. Can someone please go about telling me whats the best thing to do so I can save what her and I have now??? Thx!
Update... she just called me and we chatted on the fone for 30-40 minutes, but she sounded happy more than usual to talk to me, and when i asked what shes doing shes like im on the fone with u silly... and usually when we talk shes either listenin to music or reading a book or something.... oh and she messages me good night on aim everyday. . .
Update again... she called me again 3 days later and she said that i shouldn't hesistate to call her to talk to her..... and i told her that i wanted to give her space and time so that she could think things through and that ive been hanging out with other people lately to get my mind off it..... and she was just like OH!....
2 weeks past and i asked her to hang out and she accepted so... what does this meanandwheream
2006-07-23 18:57:14 · update #1
It sounds like she is a very sensible person to not want to be more than friends before she has put everything in place that needs to be there before she can really have a relationship. You might want to take the opportunity to do the same while you are waiting.
Maybe you can even find activities to do together that will contribute to each of your personal development. This could include things like prayer, Scripture study, meditation, reading good books, educating pursuing your dreams, etc.
I think patience is really key here. If you are able to behave naturally with her, not bring up 'us', not have it be the 'elephant in the room' for yourself when you are with her, I think she will realize that and feel more comfortable.
Indeed, it looks like you have done just that and she has started to get the picture. I would suggest you continue to do as you have been, just be friendly and not bring up the subject of 'more' for the time being. Probably, if you contine to hang out with her, she'll bring up the matter when she sees fit. But it may be a matter of years rather than months. It may well not happen before you guys graduate. So it will indeed be a great exercise in patience.
I would encourage you to do some thinking for yourself about what actions to take when in a relationship. See, a lot of people don't think about the consequences of their actions and then wonder how the heck that third party got into the picture, or that breakup took place.
I mean, these folks end up finding out too late that these things really are not supposed to happen once you've actually started a sexual relationship, because they really have become one with each other. To my mind, it makes sense to put the following in place before even considering it:
1. You're able to really put her first (even above Mom and Dad).
2. You take sole ultimate responsibility for the consequences of your decision. You don't burden Mom and Dad with any of it.
3. You are able to take your part of the responsibility (together with her, obviously) for your life together. Again, this is another part of being independent from one's parents.
4. You able to make a permanent commitment.
And of course she would ideally have all that in place too.
Another thing to think about is, if sex produces such oneness, requires such preparation for the relationship to really work, then what about behaviors which are, as it were, steps along that road? I mean, the definition of that varies from culture to culture, but certainly anything which could turn you on would fall in that category.
I think there is much to be said for waiting with that too until you're really sure that's what you want. No doubt you have figured out by now that what I am saying boils down to waiting for sex until you're married, and waiting for non-platonic behavior until you're engaged.
And so you know, I may still be saving that one thing at least for my husband, but nevertheless, I've been here and there and done at least a bit of this and that in my 42 years of life on this earth, and so I have some idea what I'm missing (it's been 22 years since I've done anything non-platonic with anyone). I still say it's worth waiting.
It sounds like your friend may well have a similar conviction, and so it would do well for you to adopt this kind of assumptions as you continue your friendship.
I wish you both all the best as you continue to grow individually and, God willing, together as well.
May He bless you
2006-07-23 19:37:46 · answer #1 · answered by songkaila 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever needed to "learn to grow as a person?" No. She is politely trying to tell you she never wants to see you ever again. Give her credit: she's a nice girl. I can see why you like her. But, you unfortunately have to face the fact that she no longer likes you. Once you confessed your feelings for her, you pretty much lost her for good. Women do not want to know that, regardless of what the other chicks on this site may tell you. A toy is only interesting until you know it wants to play with you back. Tell her you don't want to date her anymore either. Tell her you need to grow too. Then flush her phone number down the toilet. Poop on it first if you must. Never confess to the police, and never confess to a woman. You will avoid all this unnecessary pain. Peace......
2006-07-24 02:08:41 · answer #2 · answered by dfhggd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, she sounds like a typical women. When you say you two "hung out" I will assume you two were having great sex.......If so and she wanted some "space" then that usually means only one thing.....she needs to screw another guy for a while, and keep you on the side lines, available but not to annoyingly close. Then when the other guy says or does something stupid...VIOLA, you are back in the saddle.....Women are NEVER alone, regardless of what they say, hopefully after she feels like she has played the field enough she will choose you.
Good luck.
2006-07-24 02:19:30 · answer #3 · answered by James H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DUDE SHE GOT FREAKED OUT CUZ YOU LET YOUR FEELINGS OUT TO EARLY AND SHE IS CREEPED OUT ABOUT HANGING WITH YOU BUT SHE ALSO IS NOW TESTING YOU TO SEE IF YOU ARE A REAL MAN. GIRLS DONT WANT TO BE WITH GIRLS SO BE MANLY AND SHOW LITTLE EMOTION. JUST LET HER DO HER AND BE MYSTERIOUS NEVER SHOW HER EVERYTHING LEAVE SOME WHAT OF MYSTERY ABOUT YOSELF SO SHE DOESNT KNOW EVERYTHING CUZ THATS BORING MYSTERY TURNS WOMEN ON. TRUST ME. SMELL GOOD LOOK YOUR BEST AND FLIRT WITH OTHER WOMAN AS WELL DONT BE SO AVALIABLE TO HER THEN SHE WILL FEEL LIKE SHE HAS YOU. BUT DO AS I SAY AND YOU WILL HAVE HER ANY WAY AND TIME YOU WANT!
2006-07-24 02:05:51 · answer #4 · answered by Justin D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
means she doesn't want you but she doesn't want you to move on without her... If you truly want her start dating other women the "friend" will become jealous and may be the only way to win her affection right now she has you on a hook and just wiggles you when she feels like it... Good Luck
2006-07-24 02:04:27 · answer #5 · answered by Amy M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude it seems to me she loves that u give her attention but she said that stuff cuz i think she just really doesn't wanna date u but she still wants u 2 want her so she knows shes loved.
2006-07-24 02:07:16 · answer #6 · answered by emy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have gone mad over your girl-friend. It is better to stop thinking about her. You have so many other important things to do other than just thinking about her.
2006-07-24 02:05:29 · answer #7 · answered by mushi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you seen all seasons of smallville its like that she just want to be friends
2006-07-24 02:02:15 · answer #8 · answered by stan z 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
move on....its not worth your time...its obvious there is someone else she is focus on.
2006-07-24 02:01:59 · answer #9 · answered by rodney w 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋