Me and my boyfriend were together for only three months when I found out I was pregnant with his child the child is 3 years old now and we have an 11 month old. Now I no longer want to get married, And to be around him is so annoying in an unexplainable way I don't know what to do just to be around him is like I'm so trapped.I feel so alone he never wants to do anything anymore all we do is just sit in the house day in and day out he told me to quit ,my Job and he would take care of me but now i'm a stay at home mom and I just turned 21 years old.....I need real answers PLEASE some one help me I feel so so alone....I need someone elses opinon on what to do....
2006-07-23 17:54:40 · 14 answers · asked by sahg_ctg 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I know exactly how you feel. Financial support isn't really a good reason to stay with him, but boredom isn't really a good reason to leave. If you have any doubts, do not get married. It makes it much harder to leave if you decide that you need to.
Here's what I did... I went back to school and made some new friends, reconnected with old friends, and encouraged my husband to do the same. He wasn't too keen on the idea at first, but I reminded him that a grown woman who doesn't need his permission to have a life. Now I go to rock concerts with my friends, and he goes to baseball games with his (but never on the same night--someone has to stay home with the kids). We have people with whom to share our interests, and we aren't together 24/7, so we actually have things to talk about now. I'm pretty sure it has saved our marriage.
2006-07-23 18:20:42 · answer #1 · answered by Nobody 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You are in what can be the loneliest stage of motherhood. The period of time when your children need your attention, are often too young to go on long outings and too young for school....so you haven't gotten to meet any other parents yet.
Are there playgroups in your area? Parks, playgrounds, drop in parent/child centres? You and the kids need to get out and do stuff and meet other people.
Can you work part time? I know your bf has said he'd take care of you...but it's hard relying on someone else financially and sometimes the other person expects things such as an immaculate house, or dinner at a certain time or for you to be the primary caregiver, etc.
It is also normal for relationships to require a lot of work. I found the hardest years were the first five...and, no, I am neither telling you to stay or go, but just that relationships are harder to maintain than most people expect.
As well, you were pretty young when you first got pregnant. It sounds like you are trying to figure out who you are instead of just being someone's mom or someone's girlfriend.
In a nutshell: you need to have a talk with your bf. tell him how you feel gently and directly and with a particular goal in mind: figure out what situation would make you happy and how to get it. you need to get out of the house and meet other parents. you need to see if working part time is an option. or volunteering a couple of hours a week somewhere while he watches the kids.
And maybe even get some relationship counselling. From your other question about movies, it sounds like he isn't very considerate of you or the kids nor a very responsible parent. Could he watch them after the kids are in bed? Or even share the movie selection picking with you? Or maybe even find a different activity to do as a family that does not involve movies.
anyhow, good luck. It was not so long ago that I was going through something similar.
And yes, if you are not happy, then every little thing he does will annoy the crap out of you.
That's just human nature.
2006-07-24 01:16:50 · answer #2 · answered by chickadiva 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You feel trapped because obviously you dont see a way out of your dilemma. The first choice would be to find a solution between the two of you, perhaps with some professional help.
If that's not an option or possibility, then you need to work on a plan for you to survive with your children alone.
Tho there are many single mothers out there, it's NOT an easy choice. May you find a solution that will not only fill your lonliness. But bring you happiness as well. :)
2006-07-24 01:09:30 · answer #3 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does this guy work? If so, get the child support you are entitled to, put your kids in government-assisted child care, and stay with you job. Move out...get on your own two feet. Find a social work who can help you with programs that will be of benefit for you and your kids. Staying won't solve the problems. Concentrate on the children and do what's right for them. Good Luck.
2006-07-24 01:28:09 · answer #4 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are too young to be sitting around the house all day. You may have some people say "you made your bed, now lie in it", but you would be a much happier , more fulfilled person if you would go out and get even a part time job, or volunteer position.You would be a better mom too, as sometimes feeling trapped leads you to being a "too stressed" out mother. PLEASE get out of the house.
2006-07-24 01:01:25 · answer #5 · answered by crazymomma 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are stuck in a rut. It may not be the relationship as it doesn't sound like he is being abusive (at least, based on what you've written). Maybe you two need to work out a plan so you can get more free time to relax and pursue goals for yourself. You may still decide that you don't want the relationship, but it may be too early to make that decision. A happy person is a strong, proactive mommy for her children.
2006-07-24 01:05:53 · answer #6 · answered by jd 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are just seeing too much of each other at the moment.
Is there some sort of play group for you to take your kids to. It will give you a break from your boyfriend, get you out of the house, for a couple of hours, your kids will get to play with other kids, and hopefully tire them out.
Why not try to look for some part time work, that will get you out of the house, like leaflet or paper delivery. You are out in the fresh air, you can take you kids along in a stroller.
When my husband is on holiday from work, he drives me nuts, as he is always under my feet.
2006-07-24 01:05:14 · answer #7 · answered by Mummabear 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look sweetheart.what it sounds like to me is u have lost ur love for him and what u should do is tell him the truth about how u really about him and be honest with him it and it sounds to me that u really want to get out and do something instead of just sit around the house day in and day out and i dont blame u for that and he made u quit ur job thats not good. so sweetheart u need to really pull him to the side and let him know how u really feel.and let me know how it all turns out i hope this is some good advice and i hope everything works out for u.
2006-07-24 01:03:14 · answer #8 · answered by ive_lost_my_m1nd_i_cant_find_it 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes having kids doesn't mean you should be married. I commend you both for trying to stick it out for so long, but see how you can still raise your children but in different lives so you can once enjoy your life with your children. Remember your kids comes first...no one else can protect them better than you and him!
2006-07-24 00:59:48 · answer #9 · answered by Gothic Martha™ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well theres no reason to leave him if hes the father of your kids. try to work it out. cuz when its not there anymore your gonna regret it. or you should take time away from him . but let him know your still around. dont just be all i dont want you to him
2006-07-24 02:08:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋