Long story short: She's been married 7 years (to the first and only boyfriend from middle school) and has a 5 year old kid. I just moved to this city and flirting kinda led to 'other things'. Anyway, this kinda led to her working on getting a divorce. She says she had never experienced life and other relationships since she had only had one boyfriend (her husband) and was tired being married. Bottom line: I am about to finish my residency program and will be relocating. She hints (all the time) about getting married and taking her with me. I admit, I love being with her, I know she has my back...her divorce should be final in a few months...what should I do? Seems to early forn her to jump right back into a commitment...
Sorry for the lengthiness...
2006-07-23 17:07:55 · 37 answers · asked by Doc 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
XXXXXXXXXXXXX I honestly think you are making a big mistake. First of all, legally she is still married so by law she's committing adulty. This prove to her her lack of morals and character. Stick one!!! Secondly she comes with more baggage that United airlines can carry. Strike two!!!! Thirdly, she wants to jump into marry you way too soon even before she is divorced, I'd question her motives. Shouldn't she spend time thinking about why she couldn't keep a husband in the first place. Strike three!!!!. And because you will be relocating it's the perfect opportunity for her to RUN away from her marital problems. And what about the 5 year old. She still have a daddy. She still needs her daddy in her life. If you were to marry her you take all financial responsibilies from her father. Have you realized how many flames you'll have going in your life if you were to marry her? Some, I assure you will turn into roaring fires. Ones with no end to its destruction. Do you realize what responsibilities you are taking own aside from the fact that you have worked so hard to make a life for yourself. Are you willing to sacrifice what you have for the struggles of marrying a newly divorcee with a child to boot. I really, really, really, and this is from my heart, think you should postpone any thoughts of marrying this woman til her life is on a straighter track. Otherwise you get right on the same roller coaster. She hints because you are her ticket out of there. FREEDOM. A new life, a new love, the same baggage. No resolution. My bottom line is. She made her bed, now she wants you to sleep in it. Trouble is, "WHO KNOWS WHAT LURKS UNDER THOSE COVERS". To you, I am just stranger with an opinion. I know, what I write. Mark my words, you have been fore warned. XXXXXXXXXXXXX
2006-07-23 17:30:31 · answer #1 · answered by asoldierswife 7 · 13⤊ 1⤋
Well, being someone that has been in her situation (divorcee with 2 kids), I would advise you to find out her true feelings for you first. Then, go from there. I was married longer than her to my high school sweetheart and after we got divorced I didn't see the need to "experience life" if you know what I mean. As long as you two are happy, it shouldn't matter. Just make sure (for your sake) that she's in it for all the right reasons and none of the wrong. I hope I've helped a little and not confused you anymore.
2006-07-23 17:19:47 · answer #2 · answered by ezgoin282002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"I just moved to this city and flirting kinda led to 'other things'. Anyway, this kinda led to her working on getting a divorce."
Sorry for being blunt, but ithink you are "kinda" an immature jerk for helping break up the marriage. She is also "kinda" immature as well. She needs to take time to get her head on straight and figure out what she wants before she immediately jumps into another marriage and totally confuses her kid. I would be willing to bet that if you get married, she will eventually get "tired" of marriage with you, too and find some excuse to get out of it.
"Sweep her" seems like a rather harsh way of referring to dumping someone you purportedly care about. It also seems like you should have thought about the consequences of your actions before you started this whole affair. Seems strange that you have a relationship with a married woman that leads to her divorce and THEN you think well maybe taking his relationship to the next level is not such a good idea...Where did you think this was going? I'm not convinced that you love her either...to love her and to "love being with her" are not the same.
If you marry now or in the near future, I predict disaster. And that would be especially tragic for the five-year old child who is already dealing with divorce issues. You both need to grow up.
2006-07-23 17:47:14 · answer #3 · answered by G.V. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is something troubling you then pray about it. However don't let anything stand in the way of you being happy.
If she is tired of being married, maybe the two of you shouldn't marry right away. The problem with the first gentleman and the situation all together is that she has been with the same man since she was a child and she has obviously out grown him and is ready to move forward.
If she makes you happy then she makes you happy and vice versa. Please realize Life is way too short. Don't move forward without her and end up miserable and alone. Make the most of your love with her. If you want her to be the woman in your life than let her be. It's all about being happy.
She is ready to go on with her life and if you love her and need her in your life as she does you then you should take her with you. We all face fear and uncertainty. But don't let it scare you into leaving behind the love of your life. Take her in your arms and love her! Relocate with her and start your new life!
2006-07-23 17:26:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is getting a divorce, because she has been wanting to get a divorce. It is not just because you are there. Like she said she hasn't experienced anyone else. I think the two of you shouldn't commit to anything and she should truly figure out what she really wants. I don't think the two of you should get married, I agree with you. I think the two of you should keep in touch and visit each other when you can. Don't rush anything. Your right she is just getting out of a relationship. Let time tell if the two of you should be together!!!!
2006-07-23 17:31:22 · answer #5 · answered by Lark 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think the child is the thing bothering you here and to tell the truth I'd be a little leary of this women too. I'm sure you've heard it before but I'll say it again: If this woman is going to cheat on her husband with you what says she wont do the same thing to you?
The cheating issue aside I think it's way to early for you guys to be jumping into marriage. If she's really tired of marriage it's not going to change if she marry's you. You can still date her(even though quiet frankly I think this whole mess you've created it horrible) but for the love of god dont marry her yet.
2006-07-23 17:15:26 · answer #6 · answered by Crystal L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get rid of her now! I just went through this same thing except her son is older. Her divorce was going to be final in a couple of months after we met and she always asked where I was her whole life. It went two years and still had a lot of problems with her ex, guy is a control freak. Him and the son still control her and play mind games.The son thinks I am satan and thinks I broke up the marriage even though I didn't even know her until a year after their seperation. The dad puts him up to all kinds of stuff. I could go on all night but trust my word here. Bad thing is she was a very cool lady.
2006-07-23 17:15:02 · answer #7 · answered by Steel D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, if shes tired of being married, than why is she talking marriage with you. Sounds like she never got to date much, and settled down to young. Just be careful and play it by ear. She might just be wanting to hang on to you so she is not alone when she gets divorced. As for the kid, well only you know if you want to commit to someone with that situation if not, than don't do it, you will regret it. But most women with kids, its a package deal ya know!. Follow your heart, and just make sure you are ready for this responsibility, and fatherhood. Good Luck!
2006-07-23 17:13:08 · answer #8 · answered by Hi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bravo -
you can 'see' something for her - "...too early to jump right back into a commitment."
Now - how's about for yourself?
Why haven't you had this entire discussion with HER?
rather than creating a 'lengthy' statement of your present life reality, for total strangers here (Yahoo) to read and comment on?
And I find it a bit noticeable, if not disturbing ---
you did not mention at all your relationship or feelings re: the child of your lady's first marriage? The little girl who may be calling YOU her 'daddy' for the rest of her life? if you do, in fact pursue a committed relationship with her mom. . .
Over all --- I think you should go on with your life, and your move to another place - as she goes on with hers (divorce,etc.) and take each day as it comes. . .
perhaps you both have some individual/personal growing to do, before considering a partnership?
Best wishes to you, as you launch into a very exciting, fulfilling career - having completed some very difficult years of study. . . congratulations, DR.
2006-07-23 17:09:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be a friend. It sucks that you are leaving, but if it's meant to be, it will. Besides, short trips to see you will be good for her. If neither of you date much and focus on your lives, you'll be together eventually. Love is when you care so much, you don't want to screw up the life of the other by doing something to destroy what they've worked so hard for. Give it time and let it be. True love has no boundaries. It can exist without physical pressence or commitment.
2006-07-23 17:17:18 · answer #10 · answered by neener68 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋