All by myself. Why is that so hard? (Only serious repsonses please)?

Question

It seems my entire adult life I've been involved with or otherwise seeing a man. I'm now seperated pending divorce and a guy I really liked just recently dumped me. I'm afraid to meet anyone new for fear of getting hurt.

I find it difficult to not have anyone special in my life. I love sharing fun times and other deeper things with someone. Don't get me wrong, I function just fine and most of the time I am fairly happy. But I hate not having someone.

Why do you think that is? Do other people feel this way?

Answer 1

You are co-dependant.
You're afraid because you've had someone or another for so long you forgot how it feels to be alone. Just like people who are alone for too long forget how to interact when a relationship comes their way. That's a hard fear to get over, but when you finally become comfortable with yourself and least expect it, someone will suddenly come along and rock your world.
The trick is to stay open-minded and be independent; and when you do find that person, never lose site of who you are and take time for yourself... otherwise we begin to meld together and be co-dependant on that person.
You know how to be in a relationship, that's sometimes the easiest part.
The question is this: Do you know how to be alone and happy with yourself?
Work on that first and the rest will follow.
There are billions of people on this planet. You should never fear being alone or not finding someone since the odds are in your favor. It will happen eventually.
In the mean time, do some "you time activities": go to a matinee, get a latte and a pedicure, call up the girls and go drinking, connect with old friends you've lost touch with, organize your sock drawer, try a new sport or activity you've always wanted to do (this one is a good way to meet new people and try something new at the same time), think about getting a better job, learn to surf/rollerblade/sky dive/knit/whatever!
Don't beg for a man to stay, they never will... or if they do they won't respect you and they'll leave eventually. Stand on your own 2 feet for once and other, possibly more suitable, men will take notice and say, "Damn!! I wanna be with that woman. She has it going on!!!"
Desperation is not a pretty trait for either men or women.

Answer 2

What do you mean you have no one special in your life???

Have you managed to forget about family and friends while you were in relationships? If not, you should still have those people in your life. It may not be the same as having a man around, but they are your support system. You should be able to share your thoughts and spend fun times with them.

You also need to relearn how to enjoy doing some things on your own. This will come in handy when your friends and family have other plans. Only you can choose whether or not to be happy with what you have.

Answer 3

I am right there with you, I just got dumped from my girlfriend of 4 years. And I hate this alone feeling I have inside me. its like I am in a world full of people but none speak my language. I think I know how you feel but then again I am not in your shoes.

Personally I feel best when in a relationship, its something that I get to share with the one that I love. And again like you, I have been involved with many relationships (business, close friend, dating, romance,etc) and I like the connection that bind two people together.

I would hang out with your girlfriends alot, get your mind off of things and have fun. Only time can mend a broken heart.

I hope I could shed some light on this;

-Doc-

Answer 4

Human being are social creatures. It is normal and natural to want someone to share your life. It is not normal to have a swinging door for men to go in and out of you life. YOU need to decide what characteristics you want in a man. Make a list write them down, Pray and wait for a man that meets what you desire in a partner! Do not jump to soon! Do not hop in and out of bed with men just because you are lonely. Be selective. God will give you the desires of your heart if you pray and wait. Meantime there are plenty of ways to fellowship with other humans. Don't go to bars--you'll never find a good guy there. Put on your thinking cap for companionship! Take hikes, join a club, visit a nursing home or a hospital for volunteer work. There are plenty of people out there. Start looking!

Answer 5

I know how you feel, I have always had a back up for that. Then I got married and it is easier, but when he is at work or anywhere I miss him and want him home with me. Find a hobby or go to the gym, get a pet, or get into a volunteer thing. You can always make new friends, but just dont be too clingy with them. Do buddy things, like swimming, laundry or walking the dog. It could break you out of wanting to be with someone all the time. Also spending too much time with someone makes you go crazy.

Answer 6

separation anxiety, or abandonment issues plague your past, take time to reflect on your self so you may know who you REALLY! are with out someone else in your life. Then when you set out to find the right one you wont be fooled by your own misconceptions of self worth and what you need. For it is fact that you need nothing but love, you are a strong person and need not worry about others opinions, look for the right fit to who you really are and not just on the surface. Love, Admiration, Trust, are all the things Lust and attraction are made of seek out these traits first and you will have found your life long partner. hoped this helped

Answer 7

You may need to give yourself time to be alone for a while, it sounds like you've never been single. You can share fun times and deep conversations with your friends....typically your friends don't dump you either. You shouldn't feel that having some guy in your life makes you more worthwhile. You should be able to say, "I don't need to be in a relationship to be happy." Once you have that confidence meeting someone new will be easy.

Answer 8

maybe you hate being alone because you are a giving person.You dont want to be "greedy" and keep all the fun things you enjoy to yourself.You want to share that joy with someone else.As far as being afraid to get hurt,all I can say is if you dont experience it,you wont know what to look for next time.I,myself have been single for about 1 year and know what you mean.i hate being single but at the same time i need companionship its human nature.You seem like a good person and I'm sure things will work out for you!!

Answer 9

You say that you function just fine when you aren't in a relationship, but that's not really the case if you "hate not having someone". It's unhealthy to base whether or not you are truly happy upon whether you are with someone. If you can't be a complete (and TRULY happy) person when you're alone, then you can't be a good partner, it's that simple.

The bottom line is, as someone very wise once told me, if you can't love yourself, you can't expect someone else to love you.

Answer 10

I think that it's from having someone to confide in, someone you could always talk to about anything and everything. I went through an anullment 9 months ago, and just recently got dumped by my gf of 2 months, and let me tell ya, you're not alone by not enjoying having a person to love. If you want, u can hit me up on my messanger.