I have a mother in law from hell. She has come between my husband & I a few times, spoils our daughter & treats my son differently (from my 1st marriage). She has ruined any trust I have in her. She opened up a bank account for our daughter & told my husband that if he was going to tell me about it, she wouldn't do it. So for over a year, I didn't know about it. She said if him & I got divorced, she didn't want me going after it! She lets our daughter (age 4) decide things when they are together, doesn't even take my son half as much & then is mad because he doesn't call her grandma! My husband tried talking to her & she left crying! I work full time to help pay bills & she has told people that I don't spend enough time with my kids! When my son's dad was killed in an accident, she said she didn't know why it should affect me because him & I were divorced. My ex inlaws treated me better in the last 2 years than she has in the past year! Now she thinks we need to talk?? How?
2006-07-23 16:57:24 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Honey, you need to set some boundaries. First of all, sit down with your husband and talk things out. He should never have kept the bank account a secret from you. He needs to learn to back you up. Second, Mom should not be allowed to treat your son as if he is second class. He has feelings and already has noticed the different way that his sister is treated. This must stop! Third, Pick your battles. Decide what you can live with, and what you can't tolerate. And then you and your husband together let her know. It doesn't matter whether she cries or not. My mother in law used to do that to me too. She would wait until hubby went to work, and then call me and boo hoo, until I would end up apologizing to her. I finally decided I wasn't the bad guy, and wouldn't play the game any more. I would say, yes, you need to talk, but not about the things that she is expecting to talk about. Remember, only you can control what you will tolerate.
2006-07-23 17:10:23 · answer #1 · answered by mightymite1957 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh you need to talk allright. Tell her exactly how you feel, whether your husband likes it or not. Put your foot down honey!! He'll either get over it or get out! In the future don't let your daughter go if she doesn't invite your son also. Tell her that if she can't start treating them equally then you will refuse to allow her around your daughter. If you don't do something now it may cause your children to have conflicts as they get older, not to mention the mental damage she is inflicting on your daughter. Your husband needs to be there when you and her talk and let her know that he is backing you up on this matter 100%. If she cries oh well!!. She's probably just using that as her defense tactic. Tell her that although your children have different father's they are still siblings and you will not tolerate her treating them as opposites. I think she may be upset for awhile,but she will probably eventually come around.
2006-07-24 00:24:22 · answer #2 · answered by Redneck Mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mother's always know best(at least in their not so humble opinion.) Your husband isn't on the same page as you so maybe you two should seek counseling. She's doing some of it because it bugs you. Kill it by being better and spoiling her more. Not drastically, but set her up for a fall in your child's eyes. Make awesome plans on days you know your mother in law can't possibly make it and let her know you have control. Smother your mother in law with questions for advice you never intend to follow, especially in areas where your husband thinks his mom let him down. Then bring those disappointments and ask her how she handled feeling inferior. Get close to your enemies. And either she'll fall in line or just lose it. She's playing a game and needs to be checked. Give your husband everything he could possibly want(even if it sucks really bad) and he can't go to her and complain about what you're lacking. Mainly, just step back and take a deep breath to think about how you say what you say. Never show anger in her to your husband. After you've asked for her advice a few times, tell your husband you've found a new best friend and bug the hell out of her. Hope you're good at acting, because you'll need it. I totally understand where you're coming from. But now I've convinced my wife that we need to move far away from her and that I'm alot more dedicated to meeting her needs then her mother has time for. My revenge is my step-son calling me dad for the first time in 4 years. My mother in law looks entirely lazier then I do and I think it's hysterical. Very exhausting, but so was dealing with my mother in laws passive aggressive crap. Good luck.
2006-07-24 00:12:46 · answer #3 · answered by papajackelope 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear I will be praying for you and your situation. You shoudl write her a letter and explain how you feel this way you wont let your emmotions get to overwhelming and say things that you may not mean to say. and Id tell her you know about the acount as well and that you want it closed or to get a paper for you to sign saying you wont go after the money. Im more worried for your son who seems to be left out and he may have harsh feelings for his sister and its not her fault her grandmother is doing this. Your husband should handle the mother though because it is his mother in no way should you confront her. He needs to see and understand your point of view and tell him it is driving a wedge in the family. Maybe he cant see it, so try talking to him as well. I dont think the letter to her is out of line I must reitterate that you can get off your chest how you feel and as a mother point out how your son feels left out and if it continues to show this differnce in the siblings you will be simply forced to elimanate some of the time she spends with her grandmother. Let her know why you must work full time and inform her that others have said that she her self accused you of not spending time with your children. So hope this helps praying for you and this situation....
2006-07-24 00:13:09 · answer #4 · answered by smurfettewv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I'm sorry a person shouldn't have to deal with crap like that. It's a messed up situation, your husband should be defending you and if means cutting her off for a little while then he should. He needs to be there for you and your kids. After all he is NOT married to his mother. There comes a time in a person especially a man when they need to take care of the family they have chosen.
2006-07-24 00:06:28 · answer #5 · answered by shikk79 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look if that's the case than YOU have got to let your inlaw know that it's gonna be your way or no way, remeber this is YOUR kid. just do like me, if they treat one kid better than the other just tell her that she will NEVER be able to see your youngest at all it may sound cruel but remember this is YOIR kid at some point your gonna have to stand up for them, and if your husband loves to enough to marry you, he should be able to keep quiet when it comes to the point when you have to check your mother inlaw. besides your all family anyway right.
2006-07-24 00:06:40 · answer #6 · answered by G.O.A.T. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell your husband
tell him to tell his mother to back off!
if he doesnt do anything then leave him
you dont need them since you have a job
2006-07-24 00:03:19 · answer #7 · answered by brainiac 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋