Why do I have low self esteem?

Question

My wife is constantly complaining about me. No matter how hard I work or what I do there is something wrong? What should I do?

Answer 1

There is this thing called appreciation she seems to be lacking...
You could kill her with kindness i.e. buy her flowers, tell her she's pretty......

Answer 2

That is probably why you have a self esteem issue. When someone we care about constantly complains about us, it tends to cause us to view ourselves negatively.

That pattern of behavior has to stop. You should really talk with her about it and make her understand it is not something you want to tolerate anymore. Sometimes people do that and don't realize how badly the nag or complain until you point it out. Many times, people like that wish they could do everything themselves or want everything done their way and when it isn't, the complain about it. Other people use that as a tool for control (whether consciously or not).

Whatever the reason, you need to communicate to her that your tired of being treated that way. Try and start the conversation in a non-confrontational way....just be open to discussion and try to make her feel that way to. Maybe she doesn't mean to do that and this will help fix things. However, if she doesn't seem to care about discussing the matter or is not willing to talk about it, then you need to stress that it won't stand. If you really feel strongly about it, perhaps you need to consider what to do if the situation doesn't improve.

It isn't healthy to live in that type of environment. Hopefully, with some communication you can improve things!

I hope it works out for the best!!

Answer 3

You often hear of abusive men, but there is also a such thing as an abusive woman. You are not the problem. She is. You should not have to endure such abuse.

Perhaps you could suggest counseling. A third party should be very helpful in showing her how demeaning she speaks to you. She has probably been doing it so long that she does not even realize how bad she is.

There are some people who can't be helped because there is just something wrong with them mentally. My mother is like that. She is a true sociopath and she is one of those people who is not happy until she has made someone else unhappy. Her goal upon waking each day is to upset someone. If she can't find someone to upset, she goes into terrible rages. I hope that your wife is not that bad. People who won't admit they have a problem can't be helped.

It sounds as though you are very unhappy. You sound like a good and caring man. I hope that you will consider counseling for yourself if your wife refuses to go. You may need someone to guide you through this difficult situation, even to the point of eventually filing for divorce.

Life is way to short to be living with a person who does not love and appreciate you. There is someone out there for everyone. Maybe you settled too soon and the love of your life is still out there waiting. Best wishes.

Answer 4

Don't give yourself so much credit. She is outwardly complaining about you, but something is buggin her terrible on the inside. Could be lots of things. By finding so many things wrong with you it takes figuring out what is really wrong with her. Maybe she don't have any answers and instead of taking it wrong, and if you love her, talk to her and find out what it is and help her.

Just don't and I beg don't take it personal. Trust me as a former wife. It is something going on inside her. I wish you much luck and don't let someone else define how you feel about yourself.

Answer 5

Ok, first off I am going to have to agree with most of the other readers... she is having a big problem. Do you think what she is nagging about is really that big a thing, or is she complaining about little things that change frequently? You need to understand that there really is an issue which could be a few different things... 1) She could have a very bad low self esteem herself and need to justify her own feelings by making you feel bad... 2) She could really have a right to be complaining about certain things... I will tell you a true story that may bring some light to your situation... I was with this man... lets call him "Joe" . "Joe" had this ex who he claimed "still held his heartstrings, but refused to let them go..." when i first met him. (This left me feeling like there was no way I could get him to really give me the proper chance right from the get go.) We did end up hooking up, but this girl called ALL the time, and he would stop whatever we were doing to go to her calls... He would go to visit her, and sometimes bring me along... (which I felt VERY uncomfortable...) I would watch her flirt with him, and he was OBLIVIOUS to the fact that she was doing it. I would complain, that I thought she needed to back up, and all he would tell me is that she really didnt want him, and that they had a six year friendship before they messed around. He wished to remain friends with her and lessened everything I noticed and said something about. He knew I was becoming more and more jealous by the day, and he would get angry at me because I had a problem with this... One day he asked me how to check his text messages in this new phone he had, and I showed him, but found a message from someone named "Angel," saying, "we still on for saturday night?" I was furious and asked him, "Who the hell Angel was..." He told me it was Christy... this ex I had issues with. I got so angry, that he had her name stored by a pet code name, and that she wanted to know if he was coming Saturday, and I had heard nothing about Saturday. I had complained about her for 6+ months and I finally told him, "It is ME or HER". Now I am not the type to issue an ultimatum, but I felt there was nothing else I could do... he chose me, and for another 4 months he stayed away from her... then, he tells me he wishes to break up, as he is not happy... because he cant see his dear friend... a month later, he comes back to me and says, "You know what you have been saying for months about Christy wanting me so bad?" And i replied with a "yes". He told me, "You were right, but I didn't want to see it..." I couldnt take him back... sometimes things are too late...

What you have to ask yourself, is, is it worth it to you to keep going like this? If so, talk to her. Tell her it is bothering you... If not, understand, you should get away. No relationship is worth having yourself lost in the mix. So, are things "too late"?

Answer 6

You can't change her but you can change yourself. If the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it. You are probably fine, she may just be upset with herself-only she can change that. If you are feeling bad, write a list of all the things that you do well- boost your self esteem. Try holding both of her hands, look straight in her eyes, tell her you love her and you want the best for her, but you are not God, and you are doing your best. Hope this helps

Answer 7

well some of these people need to show some intelligence but y dont u just ask her what is going on. if she answers in a complain, explain that she needs to understand ur working as hard as u can. this can show her u care. good luck and i wish i could answer more, but i have to get some rest for a job app

Answer 8

look at the things she complains about. are they the same things? if yes, maybe if you realize that they are wrong, you can change them a lil bit, sometimes it's good to compromise, but if you don't think you are doing anything wrong and you like yourself the way you are, you shouldn't change for anyone. talk to her about it, if she doesn't understand, tell her you'll leave her, it's not good to stay in a situation where you're not happy...do something about it.good luck.

Answer 9

Have you told her how you feel? Have you tried to make her feel good about herself latley as well? Sometimes we forget that what we put out there is what we reciprocate if you show and tell her she is appreciated may be she will you as well. Communacation is the key in any marriage and God with out them marriages are difficult.... Good luck and show her you love her and appreciate her as well

Answer 10

tell her off
show her whos the man
or talk to her wa u hate / dont like bout her