Well here is my story I am 12 yrs old and very confused! See my mom and dad r divoced and my dad is a big jerk. He always yelled at me and talked behind my moms back. The worst part is why they got divoced. My dad cheated on my mom with her friend and now he is even married 2 her. One day he got so angry that he punched my mom. Soon he was out of the house and married. Now I don't want 2 talk 2 him and I don't know what 2 do!!!! Should I fogive him or leave it alone and be with my mom? I tried 2 get a counselor but it is no good. I just can't take it any more!!!!!!! please help I am so confused and sad. HELP!!!!
2006-07-23 16:18:24 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thank u all 4 ur concerns. It means a lot 2 me. And I am going 4 counseling 2morrow. If u have any other advice please email me or Im at dezzidazzle@yahoo.com
2006-07-23 16:35:32 · update #1
Dear Dezzidazzle
this is very wrong and unexceptable as to how ur father treats ur mother. no woman should ever be hit or disrespected under any circumstances. to me it seems that ur father is a more than a big jerk, but it is up to u, as to whether u choose to keep seeing him or stay with him. i on the other hand am almost in a same situation. of course i am now 19 and this situation started when i was 2 but the only advice i can give you is. that guys will not change. and woman should not have to change for them. dont feel guilty or mean for not wanting contact with him if that is wat u wish because if sum one loves you, they dont want to hurt you and by ur father hurting ur mother it shows a GREAT deal of disrespect and im glad he is gone but its ur choice as to whether u want to keep him gone. ur young and u shouldnt have to deal with these problems. but they do happen. and how we choose to deal with them can dictate our whole lives. so choose wisely and in ur case there is almost no wrong choice. good luck
2006-07-23 16:28:38 · answer #1 · answered by damsel in distress.. 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋
That's a great question and I am happy you feel free to ask about it.
First, you are only human and suffer a very common pain - parents divorce - children get confused.
Second, realize that you did not start nor contribute to this problem.
It is not unusual for someone your age to feel badly toward the parent you think is to blame for the situation. Again, your parents caused the problem, not you.
And it is okay that you blame your father and don't want to talk to him. But eventually, you will realize he doesn't deserve 100% of the blame, and he is still the only father you will ever have.
TALK TO A COUNSELOR TOMORROW. You must seek out your school counselor, your church leader, or some adult who is trained in counselling. PLEASE DO NOT DELAY.
You need to concentrate on studying hard in school and decide what your goals are when you become a teenager next year. Give yourself time to enjoy 12 and keep an open mind.
Good Luck
2006-07-23 23:29:52 · answer #2 · answered by snvffy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I may not be in the same situation as you are now but I understand how you feel. Stay with your mom. This is not the best times of your lives so you have to keep each other strong. I know you are too young to be strong to cope with this kind of situation but sometimes things happened in our lives that force us to change. You need love and so is your mom. She is also hurt as much as you do. I suggest you spend more time strengthening your bond together. Concentrate on the good things that will happen to you if you think and act objectively. This might sound idealistic but it is for real.
As for your father, you need time to heal and be away from him. Try not to spend sometime with him while you are building your courage to pick up the pieces again. Forgiveness will take some time, but it's alright. He will deserve it in the right time your are ready. Don't worry about him, he's old enough to deal with his mishaps. I'm sure he has gotten over his guilt and acting like a loose neanderthal lol..ooops!
Be strong for yourself and for your mom. Good times ahead!
2006-07-23 23:33:00 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just being 12 sucks, let alone having to deal with something so big. I'm sorry, and I think you are brave.
Forgive him for YOUR own peace of mind...but forgiveness doesn't mean that you have to like him or want to be his buddy...it simply means, "You don't have the power to hurt me or make me angry anymore, because I am the better person, and I forgive you." Forgiveness is incredibly powerful when you use it to free yourself the clenching pain of such situations. It allows you to not be held hostage to your anger, and to move forward.
And if he's abusive, then you should stay far, far away. If you have your mom, stick with her, she'll keep you safe.
And just stash away in the back of your mind how you feel right now, and when you start dating later, if you get a tickle of memory and a sneaking suspicion that Mr Right could make you feel like this again, RUN. Look for someone kind, and loyal.
Best of luck, kiddo. And just remember to breathe.
2006-07-23 23:29:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The two things to remember are:
1) You can't fix him or your Mom.
2) What they did is not your fault.
Beyond that, there's no reason to talk to your Dad yet. Forgive him, yes, if you can. See him? No, particularly not if he's violent. He'll probably change, when and if he can, but it might take years. When feelings have cooled for both of you, talk to him then. In the meantime, stay with your Mom, study like crazy and get into college (Education = money).
2006-07-23 23:25:40 · answer #5 · answered by Irritable 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Family is very important.But the situation you are in is one that I have seen alot in my life.My own father was a very heavy drinker and he would beat my mother every time he got drunk.
If your father(I really do not know the full situation)is a jerk I would stay with my mother.
Maybe time will heal.
I hated my father because of what he did to my mother.I learned a valuable lesson from my mother,it was forgiveness.Even after all he did to her,she managed to remain friends with him,and she never said a bad thing about him in front of us.
Just let time pass and hope for the best.
Keep your chin up and show him(your dad)
that he will not get to you or dampen your spirits.
2006-07-23 23:34:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is your dad and if you love him, forgive him and continue your father daughter relationship. Just because you forgive him doesn't mean it's ok what he did, hitting your mom, hitting is never ok. If you feel the need to, let him know how you feel about that and also let him know how you feel about him yelling at you. And when you are around him and he is yelling at you and your upset about it, don't be around him.
Keep a chin up, I know it is a sad thing when these things happen, but if you choose to continue to try, you can rise above it all and live your own life happily. It's just a matter of choosing.
2006-07-23 23:35:46 · answer #7 · answered by Roxw 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him you want nothing to do with him. If the court awarded joint custody meaning you have to go back and forth to each other's house, just refuse to go to his. Just run away and call the police and tell them you refuse to go there. Tell him that if he insists on bringing you over to his house, you will tell the police he molested you. Problem solved, he will let you stay with your mom all the time.
Otherwise, if you DON'T have to go to your dad's house, just tell him to buzz off and stop pestering you. The less you are around this guy, the less you will be angry about all this. Someday you might request some answers or an apology for him trying to ruin your life. For now, just get away from him until you are less angry.
2006-07-23 23:34:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wel I went through something similar. My father was abusive to my mother and I, and finally he ended up leaving us one day. I later found out he had an affair and ended up marrying the woman. I do not speak to my father due to what he did to myself and mom in the past (havent talked to him now for almost 5 yrs), and I doubt I ever will again. However, I would suggest you speak to someone professional about this. I dont suggest abandoning your father like I did. I do have valid reasons as to why, but remember everyone makes mistakes...Down the road you may find forgiveness and want him back in your life. But I would wait for an apology!!
2006-07-23 23:24:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dezzi, tell your mom and your dad both that you have very bad feelings towards your dad right now and you don't want to be around him. Maybe someday you'll be able to forgive him, but maybe you will never forgive him. It is his loss and he deserves a lot worse for dumping on his family like he did.
Hang in there, sweetie. You do NOT have to spend time with such a terrible jerk. He messed up bad and you shouldn't have to suffer for it.
2006-07-23 23:24:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling is a definate. :Your mom needs to go too - maybe together. But you are much better off than being with an abusive dad. As for him remarrying, well now he is her problem. You and your mom should be supportive of each other. Be an obediant child for your mom and let her know you love her, she is probably hurting too.
2006-07-23 23:23:42 · answer #11 · answered by Anita B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋