I love my bf but how long should I wait for him?

Question

I have been with my bf on and off for 6 years, I told him about 3 years ago that I was ready to get married and he said that I need to wait because he had just graduated Grad school and he wanted to work and get a house. So I respected his decision and understood, that as a man he wants to be settled, before having a family. Now 3 years later I brought it up again, and he says he isn't ready, he says he hasn't saved up enough money (Mind you he works for a computer effect company, cushy job from what I hear).
He tells me that he knows we will get married, but just not now, but he says maybe in a another few years...but that would mean we have been dating for 10 years and I don't think I want to wait that long.
Furthermore, my parents are pressuring me to get married,I am 25 years old and in my culture we have arranged marriages (AM) and I don't want to marry a stranger. In addition to that my parents and I have an agreement, that if I get into Med school,I can postpone the AM. help?

Also, today we were listening to the radio and something about someone dating for like 20 years before they decided to get married came on and he said ...see I don't see why you are in a rush, I mean they waited 20 years why can't we? So, I responded by saying, well if two people already know that they want to get married then what's the point of waiting? Not to mention we have been together for 6 years, you should know by now if I am the one for you or not...and he said I know what I want, I just like to see you wait.

Another thing is, when I bring it up he doesn't like to talk about getting married, and if we do talk about it, it's mostly about how we shouldn't rush into things...especially if we are not ready.

According to him ready means that you should be ready to move in together and see each other everyday... and I am ready for that. Furthermore he said that he wants me to move in with him...so, I said ok I will move in with you if you marry me and so once I said that he stopped asking me to move in.

Another thing is, when I bring it up he doesn't like to talk about getting married, and if we do talk about it, it's mostly about how we shouldn't rush into things...especially if we are not ready.

According to him ready means that you should be ready to move in together and see each other everyday... and I am ready for that. Furthermore he said that he wants me to move in with him...so, I said ok I will move in with you if you marry me and so once I said that he stopped asking me to move in.

Answer 1

He is not going to marry you, I hate to brake it to you. He is more interested in what games he can play and how much he can control and fool you into thinking he will marry you. If you want to get married I suggest moving on to someone who will really marry you.

************

What I want you to do is read your own question and added details objectively as an outsider. Really try to not have any emotional ties to the question, which I know will be hard. Now give that person the best advise you can give them and follow it. To me it sounds exactly as I described it.

He's holding on to you because he can. He may love you but he doesn't want to marry you, and if you didn't want to marry him either and was comfortable with that, then I would say it's cool. But you guys want different things out of the relationship. Find someone who can and will give you what you need and you can give him what he needs. Relationships are supposed to be a give and take. Seems this guy wants to take your love and not give you what you desire and deserve in return. It shouldn't be such a hassle.

Answer 2

I think you have waited a rediclous amount of time. I can't imagine this guy ever getting married to you. From what I hear he is unlikely to ever plan a wedding. I can't believe you waited 3 years to bring it up again. Where did you get such patience.

If you live in the united states your parents have NO power of who you marry or don't marry. Only you have that power. And if you chose an AM then that is up to you. Right now the AM sounds much more hopefull than the current bf.

I really don't see the current bf marrying you any time soon & wouldnt be suprised if he never marrys you.

. Actually I would be insulted by him putting you off like this. Most girls wouldn't of been as patient as you have been. I think he is playing you.

I think you are used to a culture where you accept that you have little choice in your life. You have choices in your life. Be a doctor, get married, have children, etc It is up to you.
How many years will you wait on other people (even your bf) to make life choices for you.???

Answer 3

If you love him then you shouldn't leave him over something like this.. However if this is really a dealbreaker for you - You need to REALLY let him know how you feel and that it is important to your, your parents, and your culture.. If he STILL doesn't budge then try taking a 'break' and maybe he will realize he needs to get his act together and he will come back to you..

It seems that his money thing seems to be an excuse and you should call him out on it. Some people, like Oprah, or just afraid of marriage. It sounds like you guys don't live together.. How well do you know/trust him? Are you sure he is not married already? That would explain why he's acting so werid about it.. People can have double lives and hide it really well..

Answer 4

I think you should wait, I mean he sounds like a good guy. He probably just wants to make sure when you guys do end up getting married, everything is going to there for you,(the house and the money and stuff). I mean, you've been with him that long, and just because he wants to make sure you have everything you need you're going to break up with him and waste the last ten years?

Answer 5

Don't hang around any more, it will just continue to damage your self'respect and self-esteem. Sorry, if he really wanted to marry you, he would have done so already. Men who have excuse after excuse are just not mature enough to make the decision to get married and make the commitment. I hope you aren't living with him - that would just be dumb. It sounds as though it's time to move on, even though I know it will be really difficult. Don't invest any more in him.

Answer 6

i think it relatively relies upon on once you "sense it"! i'm no longer speaking approximately adoration or maybe lust... love is something different! Love isn't pressing or "pressing". once you adore somebody, that feeling makes you sense great even whilst they don't seem to be around. it extremely is an implicit have confidence which you share and a perception which you're a extra useful individual because of the fact of them. it extremely is a feeling which you will possibly omit them extremely in the event that they weren't "there" with you. you adore the guy and you recognize it! regularly this takes a splash longer than maximum folk understand because of the fact the emotion is often perplexed with lusting / being passionate for the different. Any way, once you sense it... say it! do no longer complication with regard to the repercussions and don't assume to hearken to it back! Why do I say this... nicely, considering the fact which you do no longer tell a individual which you adore them considering the fact which you desire to be enjoyed! You tell them which you adore them considering the fact which you desire to tell them which you adore them and for no different reason than this! it extremely is no longer a try! it extremely is no longer a examine! it extremely is you sharing an intimate thought and feeling which you have!

Answer 7

so it's frustrating to wait up for him. but you love the dude. & love shouldn't have an expiration date. if he wants to wait, not because he's scared of commitment but wants to make sure he's got enough to support the two of you, then you gotta respect his decision cuz if you've waited for this long & just drop him, then that'll crush both of you. take his word for it cuz he wants you to be happy before the marriage & long after it. he's just gotta get things together to ensure that kind of future. dont put the years to waste

Answer 8

He's never ever goner marry YOU!Move On!The relationship is going NO WHERE!

Answer 9

move on....................