My Mom has never hugged me or told me she loves me. Why?

Question

I know she does love me and we get on really well and always have, but I'm starting to realise that shes never been as close and mom-like with me as I'd think would be normal. I don't ever remember her hugging me or saying she loves me, and I've never felt like I can say that to her. Why do you think this could be? Is it just the way she is? We get on really well but I'm worried this issue might have sub-consciously messed me up somehow.

Is anyone elses mom like this?

I know this is a weird question to be asking on here, but honestly, anyone who thinks this question makes me sound like a complete loser, i really don't care what you think.

Answer 1

well.. maybe she isnt an effectionate person.. or it could be she dont care... There are people like that.. so people stop makin excuses.. there are MEAN CRUEL PARENTS OUT THERE!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

That's not a healthy way to grow up. Not receiving that basic nuturing is apt to have life long consequences. Instead of your mom focusing on your needs, you probably learned very early to focus on hers. There are many positives you can draw from this experience, but there are also downsides in that you didn't receive something most do. If you think you may ever have children, seek some counseling now while you're young. Parenting is often driven by what we experienced as children. In order to be a more giving and loving parent, you need to know what it is that you missed and hopefully get an age appropriate version of it from an experienced therapist.

Your mom is not a bad or evil or inconsiderate person. She just is the sum of her life experiences and most likely has done the best she could. Love her for it, but love yourself enough to seek more for your own life. And, don't be afraid to give her a hug and tell her how important she is to you. Those are your feelings. Express them. It's healthy!

Good luck

PS - yes, my mom was something like yours, and we too always got along. I learned much later in life just how much I missed and how much it did affect my way of being.

Answer 3

My husband was raised the same way. His mom had no time for affection, she worked full time, did the housework and the basic needs of the kids, she still seems like a hard a$$ to me, but i love her to death and I tell her all the time. She doesn't say it back, buit I know she does. My moms parents showed them no love or affection, my mom or her twin, she really resents having grown up ythat way. My husband and I are all about hugs and kisses and I love yous. If you feel the love, then say it, if she doesnt reciprocate, just keep saying it, all u are doing is stating your feelings and not asking anything of her in return. Don't give up though!

Answer 4

I'm not a warm and fuzzy person myself, but I make an effort with my family. It's how I was raised. When my husband's mom finally came to the US, she said she wished she had been more affectionate with her children, but I understand she had a very hard life and struggling to survive doesn't leave much time for all that. So now I understand my husband better and am amazed that he is as affectionate as he is (not like it's a lot). I think a little subtle effort (like a note) will mean a lot, but don't expect anything. You know you have her love and when you have your own family you can be different if you want.

Answer 5

I'm not the only one with a mother like this??? That's awful!!

I know that it has messed me up a bit also. It hurts! But, the older I get, I realize that it is nothing I have done and there is nothing that I can do about the lack of love/affection missed in my life. I know that I deserved it and I still do because I am a good person! I hope that you will come to that same realization one day soon, too.

Good luck and warm wishes!

Answer 6

Oh, she probably loves you to pieces but doesn't hug because she came from a family of non-huggers. My parents weren't the hugging types even though I craved it. And now my own kids aren't big huggers... somehow I passed the tradition on despite the fact that my husband's family hugs everyone in sight every chance they get (which drives me nuts.) Anyway, what IS important is that you know your mother loves you (hugs or no hugs). Why not take the lead and surprise her every once and awhile and say "Mom, I could really use a hug today." I bet she won't stop you... :-)

Answer 7

When I was in high school I noticed that it seemed like a lot of my friends had more freedom than me. In my mind, this made me feel like my mom didn't love me. As an adult and mother of 4 of my own children, I realize now that she only did this because she cared about me. Looking at my friend's parents now, they are not as close as my mother is to me. All I can say is tell your mother what you are feeling. Your parents will not be around forever. Tell mom how you feel today and repair lost time.

Answer 8

Well I have never personally experienced that, but your mom could just be a non-expressive person, not just to you, but to everyone. Maybe you should just go up to her one day and say mom we need to talk, and just ask her things that are on your mind, for instance why she doesn't show affection towards you, just get her talking and then she might open up more to you, and you might just get a I love you and hug from her!

Answer 9

my mother never did either and slapped me the first time i told her i loved her. some people don't know how to express love and some just don't know how to even feel it. at least you know your mom loves you. you aren't messed up if you can accept that for what it is and be happy about it.

oh, and if you're not comfortable saying you love her then maybe you can leave her a quick note on the bathroom mirror, in her room, purse, car or wherever. just write "i love you mom" and unless she's heartless it will mean a lot to her. maybe she might even say it back.

Answer 10

I have heard of this quite often. My mom doesn't hug or say she loves me unless I say it or hug her first. I think her family was not expressive in this way. They were farmers and their life was hard. I am sure your mother loves you as well. You may try telling her first; that seems to break the ice. I hope this helps:)

Answer 11

There are people who aren't into showing affection. You guys are close. If you want a hug, hug her. If you want her to say I love you, tell her you love her.
Peace.