I've been with my bf for over year, we've lived together for a few months, and will be living together for a year starting in August, but for the summer we've been apart. I found out he cheated on me, and we made it ok, and we decided to allow each other to have sex with other men when we are apart as long as we tell each other and are honest. Now he has been hanging out with someone and wants to sleep with him, and I can't help but feel jealous. I set up certain rules--no emotional attachment, etc, so it would just be something physical. He wants to stay over with this boy, though, and the idea of him cuddling with him just upsets me. I think this open relationship when we are apart is important, but I'm interested in tips on how to make it be a good thing--not something that makes us jealous, guilty, or concerned about our future? Any tips or advice on how to do this would be much appreciated.
2006-07-23 12:41:46 · 17 answers · asked by Econissexy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Open relationships do NOT work in a long term committed setting. However, if you must do it, let it be known that that is the situation and agree not to talk about it. Hearing out your love with another can only inspire jealousy and worse.
And you cannot make a rule for no emotionally attachment.. you don't decide who you become emotionally attached to.
Furthermore, if it's only for the summer, what's the issue? Why can't you both be celibate? Have phone sex?
And lastly... and I address this last with purpose. You say it all started because he cheated on you. If he cheated on you away, he'll cheat on you near. Seems to me like this "open relationship" is just a way for him to have his cake and eat it too.
I think you should leave him and find a man worthy of you, your good heart, and your loyalty. This man clearly is not.
2006-07-23 12:48:23 · answer #1 · answered by barelyliterate 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Open relationships don't really yield too much good as a part of a "real" relationship. You are basically sleeping with other people while trying to hold up an emotional bond with eachother - after a while that is going to be too much to bear and something is gonna give. One of you will sleep with someone or meet someone and decide you want to be with that person instead. Neither one of you are committed to eachother, and if you want a serious and lasting relationship you need that committment, love, and trust.
You have every right to be jealous of him being with someone else - he is supposed to be YOUR man, not everyone else's and vice versa. Sounds like you both need to grow up and figure out what you want - a relationship or you just wanna sleep around and have a friendly face to come home to.
You should also be considering the std factor of both of your behavior. Especially since you said your bf was into sleeping with guys - which is higher risk.
2006-07-23 12:47:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think an open relationship works for these exact reasons. There is jealousy. Even if you logically agree on it, it is difficult emotionally. I would suggest that you two commit to each other, or break it off. Basically, an open relationship is just one in which you can't commit to another person so you suggest a way that you can legally cheat.
2006-07-23 12:46:05 · answer #3 · answered by Justsyd 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all why would you want a gay boyfriend??that initself is weird.most women want a man.but lets get beyond that.open relationships dont work,unless you have no feelings for your partner.who could go about their day knowing thier partner at that moment was somewhere having sex with someone else.and same sex with someone else is just sick.what self respecting woman could know that her man was going down on another guy??my advice would be to dump the sissy and find a real man who can satisfy you so you dont want an open relationship.or stay single and do everyone..
2006-07-23 12:52:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already seem to have strong emotions about your boyfriend concerning this. People may try to go into a sexual relationship with no intentions of letting emotions get involved, but the more you are involved with someone in an intimate way, those feelings do seem to take over. If you want fidelity in a relationship, don't sell yourself short just b/c you don't want to loose her b/f. Not to mention, fear of diseases, etc... I think you should explore other options with other men that deserve & want only you.
2006-07-23 12:55:01 · answer #5 · answered by Amanda80 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What he will hear is that you want to "play" with others. Just be straight up about your feelings. Don't try to convince him to try it because if he's not the type that is comfy taking other lovers when he has a signficant other at home, it's just not going to happen. If he's cool with you playing around, that's fine. If he's not, then go ahead and end it and sow your oats. In the future, date guys who you know are into open or swinging relationships so you won't have to worry about not getting the variety (sexually) that you desire.
2016-03-16 04:05:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, unless you want to be in a relationship that upsets you, you should break up with him and find another guy who is not going to make you upset.
Open relationships never work because one person always wants more then the other.
2006-07-23 12:45:22 · answer #7 · answered by FaerieWhings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the difficult thing with letting your partner see other ppl is that u will ALWAYS BE JEALOUS!! no matter what. its never a good idea to agree to anything like that because it could complicate a relationship. my advice is put an end to it, and if he doesnt agree, then let him go. youll be much better off without him then goin through the emotional struggle when hes off with another person. when hes having a sexual relationship with someone else there wont be a very far future ahead cause he could possibly fall in love with someone else.
2006-07-23 12:48:10 · answer #8 · answered by sarah_gotdance 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you really need to analyze what you can and cannot tolerate and then talk to him about it. Some things you don't know you can't handle until they happen. Be open with your bf and tell him what things make you jealous. Maybe he can have sex but can't spend the night. You really have to lay down and maybe even write the rules you want to use.
2006-07-23 12:46:12 · answer #9 · answered by hotchic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is not a good ideal at all. What about diseases, have you thought about that. What if this doesn't work out and He fines that He like Guys .What if you get something like Herbie's. You can live with it, but what about the next guy you go out with .You could give it to them. and so on. You are play Russian roulette.
so my advice is stop going out with him and get tested.
2006-07-23 12:58:50 · answer #10 · answered by diamondblue382000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋