For the first year of our relationship my fiance claimed he didn't care if we had an open relationship. He'd say he didn't own me and it didn't bother him. This was one of the reasons I fell fast for him and got engaged. Now 3 yrs later he is super jealous of me even talking with other men. There is this one friend I really want to be "more than friends with." I honestly don't know if I could ever cheat, but is thinking about cheating just as bad as the actual act? Should I stay single as long as I keep having these feelings? And I do discuss all this with my fiance. His solution is to keep me "on a short leash" when a person I "have a crush on" is around.
2006-07-23 12:26:51 · 36 answers · asked by Lani 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
he also has 5 kids and we live together. I love the kids. I'd hate to break us all up because I'm too immature for a relationship. Should I let it ride, take the higher path of no cheating and try and hold those bad feeling inside?
2006-07-23 13:05:07 · update #1
Read this no matter how long it is i will shed some light on this.First off he said cool with being open to see what kinda women you are.If you slept with someone he would have told you he loved you and slept with u and left but since you did not he decided that you worth putting some feelings into and that he could trust you.But all along he was a jealous person just testing you. It will only get worse the jealous thing and it will drive him and you nuts and you should bounce. He don't need that and neither do you. Getting married is when 2 people are in love and if the trust is not there then neither is the love and you thinking about cheating is just proof he should not trust you and that you are not ready to get married. You may not like what I said but it is the truth and you should call it off.
2006-07-23 12:48:10 · answer #1 · answered by squiggy 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
If you are having feelings for someone else then you have to be honest with your fiance and yourself, it really isn't good that you have these feelings for your friend, well atleast not while you are engaged. Perhaps you just aren't ready to be tied down to one person and there is nothing wrong with that...think to yourself which is more important to you right now, keeping the relationship with the fiance or exploring what could be with the friend. A jealous relationship is a very unhealthy one, true there is a little jealousy in all of us but make certain to draw the line between father and significant other...if he doesn't want you to even talk to other males now, then what's next, Never leaving home with out his supervision? Some men consider a marriage liscence or engagment ring to be the same as ownership papers. But by all means tell the fiance it's over before you get involved with the friend. cheating is never right and no one should hurt a person like that. Good Luck. Think with your heart.
2006-07-23 12:39:58 · answer #2 · answered by Nathan_jordiesmommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My honest answer....don't get married. I doubt many people believe that these so called "open relationships" work. Best bet....break off the engagement, and just remain "bed buddies". I mean, that's pretty much what it sounds like you guys were planning to do anyway, except get married too on top of that??? What the heck? I didn't look at any of the other answers before putting my 2 cents in, but I have a feeling that you will not get much support for having an affair, and staying engaged. I'm sorry, sweetie, this all does not sound like it is going to work, and more people are going to get hurt in the end that should have to be.
I don't even want to think about you bringing children into an "open marriage". Yikes.
Why get married if you are planning on sleeping with other people? I just don't get it.
2006-07-23 12:38:28 · answer #3 · answered by Left Footed 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you stay with him and have an affair, somebody is going to get hurt - BAD. And I'm not talking just emotionally. It could be you.
Have you ever seen the reality TV show Cheaters
Anonymous? Won't you be mortified if cameras and a guy with a microphone show up in your face one night while you're with your "other" guy?
When you are ready to marry someone, you will know when it's right. You won't even look at another man.
Save everybody involved a lot of heartbreak and pain and call off your engagement until you know what you want for sure.
2006-07-23 13:28:35 · answer #4 · answered by Kate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a choice and a commitment.
Thinking of having an affair while your engaged is a sure sign your not ready to get married.
I would break off the engagement and take a vacation or just get away from both men for awhile to get your thoughts together. In this time alone you'll be able to sort your feelings out.
You must be true to your heart first.
2006-07-23 12:45:14 · answer #5 · answered by okiewenee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first question is do you think that the two of you are supposed to have an open relationship for the entirety of your relationship? I would think that once you are engaged or married that the door would be closed.
Also, how would you feel if he had an affair?
Lastly, If you are not happy with how your relationship is going and you want to sleep with someone else, why are you still engaged? People have this idea that once you get married that things will automatically just change. I'm here to tell you that they don't.
If you want to have an affair now, you will still want to when you are married. If you are unhappy with how you are being treated now by your fiance, then you will be unhappy with how you will be treated by your husband.
My advice to you is to think about what you really want and treat everyone concerned how you would want to be treated yourself.
2006-07-23 12:37:24 · answer #6 · answered by crimson_aurora 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your fiance has control issues. "Short leash" indeed! You need to break off your engagement, and figure out what you want to do. Do you want to be married to a "super jealous" person who won't even let you talk to other men? I think he just pretended in the beginning of your relationship, and what you're seeing now is the real thing. Thank goodness you found out in time.
2006-07-23 12:30:58 · answer #7 · answered by Bad Kitty! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm keen to guess that it somewhat is now a minimum of 50-60% yet on the upward push. you already be conscious of my answer to the BQ, yet i've got had one severe internet affair that in the time of basic terms resulted in unfavourable for me...embarrassing own photos being made public, loss of friends, and worse of all my husband determining to get revenge against me via having a actual life affair. The few internet flirtations i've got had as a results of fact that then have been fairly insignificant. you're no longer a creep...you're a ethical-much less heathen putrid rotting cesspool of fail. Why are we friends? You and MM are made for one greater.
2016-12-10 13:02:48 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just typed out a good answer and I had to login again so it disappeared. I'm going to make it short now. I think you should really think about if you want to have a controlling husband.I have been in a controlling relationship before and it was hell.Thank God it wasn't a marriage. Just the term short leash is a red flag.If you want to have an affair is another clue your not ready for that marriage.Follow your heart and gut feelings and good luck in your decision.
2006-07-23 12:42:47 · answer #9 · answered by Linda R 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Be careful what you wish for; you might get it."
Sounds like you fell for him because he didn't care about what you did. Now that you're engaged and he doesn't want you out with anyone else, you've decided to let the person you will spend the rest of your life with that you would like to have a sexual relationship with someone you both know. You got what you wanted: in the beginning, you wanted him to want you only. Now that you have it, you want to step out. No wonder he wants to keep you on a "short leash". Wouldn't it bother you if you two hung out with someone he told you he wants to sleep with?
It sounds like he got a dose of his own medicine as well. For the first year, he wanted to keep the relationship free and easy in case he wanted to get out. Now that he's decided that you're the one and he wants it to be monogamous, you're ready to swing from the chandeliers with someone else.
Do both of you a favor and break off the engagement. Even if you wouldn't cheat and would only think about it, you are not ready for marriage. Good luck.
2006-07-23 12:59:48 · answer #10 · answered by stseukn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋