no limits
2006-07-23 11:48:32 · 23 answers · asked by silver_princess16_03 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Hey Princess , check this one:
Dirty Johnny and his friends were enrolled in sex education. During the lecture, the teacher kept referring to a "penis". It was "penis" this and "penis" that. The class behaved as if it understood. Immediately following class, all the students gathered around Dirty Johnny. "Johnny, what's a penis?" Nobody had a clue. Dirty Johnny said he would ask his Dad when he got home. When Dirty Johnny got home, his Dad was there. "Dad, what's a 'penis'?" His father unzips his pants, shows Johnny his dick and says, "This is a perfect penis." Johnny replied, "Thanks, Dad. I'll tell my friends tomorrow in school." The next day, all the students gathered around. "What did your Dad say, Dirty Johnny?" Johnny promptly unzips his pants and shows all his classmates his dick. "This is a penis. And if it were two inches shorter, it would be the perfect penis!"
2006-07-23 13:24:27 · answer #1 · answered by ♥Gilmore♥ 5 · 5⤊ 2⤋
I just heard this one today
Ghetto Parrot
A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere she went. She would even take the parrot to the club with her when she went dancing and drinking on Saturday nights. Whenever the woman went onto the dance floor, the parrot would yell, "The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn! Burn, muthafukkah, burn!" The crowd on the dance floor would always cheer and holler in appreciation when the parrot would yell. This would make the parrot yell even more and of course make the crowd go wild. This would go on all night long, everytime the parrot went out.
One Sunday morning the woman took the parrot to church and into the choir stand with her. And when the choir started to sing, the parrot yelled, "The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn! Burn, muthafukkah, burn!
She embarrassingly corrected the parrot, "No, you don't say that here!!"
The parrot looked around and asked, "Why not? These are the same muthafukkahs that was at the club last night!!!
2006-07-23 23:22:02 · answer #2 · answered by Pask 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
a young woman is speeding down a freeway when she is stopped by a high way patrol officer . the officer asks if he could please see her driver's license. the woman repliess angrily, "i wish u guys would make up your mind. just yesterday you take away my license, and now youi expect me to show it to u!"
a local business was lookinmg for office help. the owners put a sign in thw window that read:" help wanted.must be able to type,must be good with a computa, and must be bilingual. we are an equal opportunity employer." a short time later, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign, and went inside. he looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it, and whined. the receptionist got the idea and told the office manerger the office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. however the dog looked determined, so the manager led him to his office. inside the dog jumped up on a chair and stared at the manager. the manager said "i can't hire you. the sign says you have to be able to type." the dog jumped down, went to the type writer, and typed out a perfect letter. he took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him. then jumped back in the chair. the manager was stunned but then told the dog, "the sign says you have to b good with a computer." the dog went to the computer and entered a program that perfectly the first time. by now, the manager was totally dumbfounded! he looked at the dog and said," i realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some intresting skills. however, i still can't give you the job." the dog went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentence that read," we are an equal oppurtunity employer." the manager said ,"yes, but the sign also says you must speak 2 languages." the dog looked camly at the manager and said....." meow"
a teenager tells his father, "there is trouble with the car. it has water in the caburetor. the father looks confused and says," water in the carburetor? that's ridiculous" but the son insists." i tell you the car has water in the carburetor." his father is starting to get nervous." you don't even know what a carburetor is," he says. "i'll check it out. where's the car?' the teenager replies, " in the pool".
thatz all folks!
2006-07-23 19:34:38 · answer #3 · answered by chica 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage thtat said $50, which seemed awefully cheap.
"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her seriously and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought abou this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then found it kind of amusing.
When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them enter and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situationconsidering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Keith!"
2006-07-23 18:59:43 · answer #4 · answered by agfreak90 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. Teacher: Give me a sentence using the words defeat, defense, and detail.
Student: Defeat of de dog went over defense before detail.
2. Brad: why do bears paint their faces yellow?
Lad: I dunno? why?
Brad: So they can hide in banana trees.
Lad: Impossible! I've never seen a bear hide in a banana tree!
Brad: That's because they paint their faces yellow.
3. Cowboy 1: Look at that herd of cattle.
Cowboy 2: Herd of what?
Cowboy 1: Cattle.
Cowboy 2: Of course I've heard of cattle!
Cowboy 1: No, I mean cattle herd.
Cowboy 2: So what? I have no secrets from them.
4. Teacher: Where are you from?
Pupil: India, miss.
Teacher: Which part?
Pupil: All of me.
5. Milly is so silly that she ate the dollar bill her mom gave her for lunch!
6. A man was trying on bis shoes. The shoe salesman asked how they felt. THe man said, "A little too tight." "try pulling on the tongue a little." the salesman suggested. The man replied, "Theyth thill feelth thoo thighth."
2006-07-23 19:20:19 · answer #5 · answered by ♥dylan♥sprouse♥ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Three hicks were working on a telephone tower - Steve, Bruce and Jed. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer.
Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me," Jed replies.
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"
Well, not exactly", Jed says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'."
She said, "No, I'm not a widow!"
And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are
2006-07-23 19:55:08 · answer #6 · answered by waftycrank 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After a long night of passion, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, Tony replied, "That's me before the operation."
2006-07-23 18:53:50 · answer #7 · answered by ~ ♥ Sun$hine ♥ ~ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i got heaps of jokes but this my fav. 3 guys,a chinese man,a english man and a maori man go into a strip club.stripper goes up to the chinese man and shakes her boobies,he puts $20 in her g-string.then she goes up to the english man and shakes her boobies again,he puts $40 in her g-string.then she goes up to the maori guy,turns around and shakes her a$$ at him.he takes out his eftpos card,swipes her a$$ crack and tekes the $60 hahahahaha
2006-07-23 19:25:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My dad taught me this when I was five:
What do you call a chicken that rolls in the dirt, crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, and crosses the road again?
ANSWER: A dirty double crosser.
2006-07-23 19:02:34 · answer #9 · answered by ak47_girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want some good jokes check out
spicyjokes.com
there are heaps and they are hilarious.
2006-07-23 18:53:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋