I was raped by my ex after breaking up with him and it took over year to get him out of my life. This guy stalked me, my family and friends. He somehow figured out my number even when I had it changed. This all devastated me very much.He was my first bf and the first guy I loved until the above happened...
Since we broke up I have nightmares that hes following me or knows where I stay, or somehow figures out my number and calls me-even today.
I have a new bf now and weve been dating for a year now but its not going too well b/c I am so afraid of being hurt again...and of..everything.. I see my ex in my new bf all the time.. whether its something he says that the ex once said, a certain way he touches me.. I freak out and think hes going to hurt me...
pretty much I see my bf as my ex...
Weve had tallks about our connection and while we care about each other Im afraid me always thinking of my ex isnt good for us...
We tried counseling,etc. I have probs I know, what should we/I do?
2006-07-23 11:33:20 · 10 answers · asked by silver 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
-the ex now lives in a diff state
-He doesnt call me anymore(lets hope it stays that way)
-Dont know if I should, be single, date others, or keep current bf
-Didnt have this probs with bfs after the ex.. just w/ current bf
plz those really interested in helping, feel free to IM me: thirdtriplet2003
thank you all so much
2006-07-23 11:35:10 · update #1
ME & CURRENT BF ARE REALLY GOOD FRIENDS...
2006-07-23 11:36:27 · update #2
you need to love yourself and exude confidence, or you will continue to attract assholes like that.
2006-07-23 11:37:34 · answer #1 · answered by Mrs. Curious 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel so bad for you. I had an abusive boyfriend not as bad as you. What I want you to figure out is this. Is your current boyfriend reminding you of the old one because you have instincts that are kicking in and this guy is the same? Are you traumatized by the old boyfriend and that is the problem. You need to figure out the difference. If you are not ready to date again that is okay. You really need to get some counseling. A new boyfriend can help us heal having a good relationship, but only if he is really patient, we are ready and he is the right guy. Please get some counselling to help you heal. You have too much pain. It is not your fault. You can feel better. Stay close to your friends and family. Do counselling with just yourself for yourself. Worry about just yourself. I am so sorry again. I have an inkling of how hard this is because I have had a mere glimpse of it. Please get the support you need and this probably is not the right time for you to be in a relationship period. Perhaps you should just work on yourself.
2006-07-23 20:24:16 · answer #2 · answered by adobeprincess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear all this. Let me get this straigh, your current boyfriend reminds you of your ex in such a way that your afraid of having to go through all that stuff again? If this is the case, and I'm assuming he knows this, maybe it would be best to take some time away from him, let him prove to you things will be different, or if not, just let him go and move on. You also have to ask yourself if you're just attracted to guys like that, if it's a situation that has a pattern, are you part of that cause as well?
Just something to consider if this current bf proves to be too close for comfort.
2006-07-23 18:44:36 · answer #3 · answered by paratechfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been apart from my abusive ex now for 8 years now and i still get nightmares about events that took place in my life with him. it effects everyday life even with my new husband there are times i'm still saying i;m sorry and my husband looks at me funny and says "for what" he just doesnt understsnd even the verbal and emotional abuse. he knows about my low self esteem and he does a great job of picking up the pieces of wjat is left from my abusive ex it will get better but it takes a lot of time i had counceling read books on the subject and talked to ppl .to this day my husband is the only one who can touch me and i dont mean sexually without cringing.
2006-07-23 19:19:27 · answer #4 · answered by oceanlady580 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you really need to do is just talk to your boyfriend, have a long talk with him and see how he reacts to it. If he really loves and cares about you he'll understand and not get mad. Have you got counseling after you were raped? Because you seem to just need that. Figure out how your new boyfriend is diffrent and not your ex. If you can't find out then you shouldn't be with him. You need to know that your boyfriend in your present isn't your boyfriend in your past.
2006-07-23 21:37:23 · answer #5 · answered by delawaregirl83 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's really no point in staying with him if he makes you uncomfortable, even if it isn't his fault. It's kind of crappy to dump an otherwise ok guy just because some of his mannerisms remind you of a scumbag, but not dumping him doesn't sound very healthy... at least if you break up, maybe you can resolve your issues and if he's worth it, and he thinks you're worth it, you guys can try again later.
2006-07-23 18:39:27 · answer #6 · answered by smokingun 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh, sweetie, what a sad story. I would think that the traits that attracted you to the first guy are the same ones that attract you to the new guy. So while he isn't the same guy, you see obvious similarities. Doesn't mean he has the same violence of the ex ... but think about why you were attracted to the first guy in the first place. Maybe it has to do with the kind of man who marreid your mother. Best to you.
2006-07-23 18:39:23 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless he is doing something abusive that your ex did to you, you should not compare him to your ex. I am sure you sub-consciously are looking for things in him that may compare to your ex. This can be normal after going though the trauma you have endured. Hang in there and God bless you!
2006-07-23 18:46:42 · answer #8 · answered by kb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to go to counselling yourself to work on your trust and insecurity issues. You need this for you, whehter or not you stay with your current bf. They same issues will continue to resurface unlesss you deal with them.
2006-07-23 18:37:53 · answer #9 · answered by therego2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to date a different kind of guy. raise your standards.
2006-07-23 19:04:25 · answer #10 · answered by e j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋