2006-07-23 10:00:00 · 8 answers · asked by Tuan V 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
So theres a lumber jack and a nun.
the lumberjack swings at his wood and misses and he says " oh sh*t, i missed"
the nun says "I dont want to hear that language ever again"
so the lumberjack swings at his wood again and misses and he says " oh sh*t, i missed"
the nun says "If you say that one more time, i will have god strike you dead"
so the lumberjack swings at his wood a third time and misses and he says " oh sh*t, i missed"
So up in the clouds the sky darkens and it starts to thunder.
A lightining bolt comes down and strikes the nun dead.
up in the clouds you hear "oh sh*t, i missed"
2006-07-23 10:03:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A Catholic husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she’ll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, “Who was that?”
“Oh,”replies the husband, “she’s my mistress.”
“Well, that’s the last straw,” says the wife. “I’ve had enough, I want a divorce!”
“I can understand that,” replies her husband, “but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club.
But the decision is yours.”
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
“Who’s that woman with Moishe?” asks the wife.
“That’s his mistress,” says her husband.
“Ours is prettier,” she replies.
2006-07-23 10:23:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
whats better than winning Gold in the Special Olympics?
Walking
2006-07-23 10:03:58 · answer #3 · answered by peardietz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed
the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.
"Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked.
"Nope," Jimmy replied.
"Well did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked.
"Nope."
"You didn't steal it, did you?"
"No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other
night when they 'doing the nasty'. Dad gave me his watch to get
rid of me.
Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely
jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself.
That night he waited outside his parents' room until he heard the
unmistakable noises of lovemaking. Johnny swung the door wide
open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid
stroke, turned and asked him angrily; "What do you want now?"
"I wanna watch," Johnny replied.
Without missing a stroke, his father said, "Fine. Stand in the
corner and keep quiet, then!"
---------------------------------------------------------
The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books.
Little Johnny came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss
Crabtree, I ain't got no crayons."
"Little Johnny," Miss Crabtree said, "you mean, I don't have any
crayons. You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons.
They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?"
"Not really," Little Johnny said, "What happened to all the
fuc*ing crayons?"
2006-07-23 13:26:22 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Gilmore♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chuck Norris doesn't dodge bullets, bullets dodge Chuck Norris
2006-07-23 10:15:30 · answer #5 · answered by master and the chief 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fu, Bu and Chu immigrated to the USA from China. They decided to become
American citizens, and "Americanize" their names.
Bu, called himself "Buck"
Chu called himself "Chuck"
Fu decided to return to China.
2006-07-23 10:12:27 · answer #6 · answered by *Neha.* 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk
2006-07-23 10:47:42 · answer #7 · answered by schoolgirl27 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go to this website, that's the funniset jk i ever heard...........
2006-07-23 10:04:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋