From Chris Rock:
I hate when women say "just because I dress sexy, doesn't mean I'm a whore." All Im saying is its confusing.
For instance if I go out, get navy blue pants and long sleeve button up, put on a badge, a gun, a night stip and some handcuffs, I can't get offended if someone mistakes me for a cop. Sure I'm not a cop, but I am wearing the uniform.
So ladies, if you're wearing 6 inch high heels, a skin tight barely there micro mini, and a top that takes almost no effort on my part to see what you got goin on, you could see how I might become confused. Sure, you're not a whore, but you are wearing the uniform. (not verbatim but close)
2006-07-23 09:44:09 · 6 answers · asked by peardietz 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
dat was gud, check this one:
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher
picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting
on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None.", replied Johnny,"cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are
thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women
eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her
cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger.
But I like the way you're thinking!"
2006-07-23 09:48:05 · answer #1 · answered by ♥Gilmore♥ 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A few Wandering thoughts by Steven Wright (I'm sure)
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
If the world was a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste a lot like chicken?
2006-07-23 09:55:43 · answer #2 · answered by Rico Toasterman JPA 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most of you have probably never heard of a comedian named Soupy Sales, who had a kids TV comedy show before you were born. This really happened: he said, "Kids, while you r mommy and daddy aren't listening, I want all of you to get up, go to their dresser, and get out all those pieces of paper with pictures of presidents on them, get an envelope and a stamp and mail them to me, Soupy Sales, care of this TV station...." He got a lot of criticism for that, but he didn't care.
2006-07-23 11:03:53 · answer #3 · answered by cdf-rom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
actually that isn't chris rock you posted up there it is dave chappele but my favorite is
there is thrree uys in a restaurant the waitr comes up and asks what they'd like to drink the first man says i'll have a samuel adams the second says i'll have a water with lemon the third says i'll have a samuel l. jackson's then the first guy says you know what i'll have a samuel l jackson's too.. then the second guy says me three then the camera goes to dave chappelle dressed up to look like samuel adams and he says thats right samuel l. jackson's. it's my beer!!! it'll get ya drunk! you'll be f(_)Cking fat 8itches in no time!! then he walks up to one of the guys and yells in his earhow's it taste mutha f*cker sonthe guy says fine would you please stop yelling at me... dave says no i can't stop yelling at you cause that's how i talk
2006-07-23 09:58:25 · answer #4 · answered by lots_of_pie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're obviously wearing a policeman's uniform... I can't tell the difference between you and Chris Rock!!! XDDDD...
2006-07-23 09:47:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My favorite joke is-----
Fu, Bu and Chu immigrated to the USA from China. They decided to become
American citizens, and "Americanize" their names.
Bu, called himself "Buck"
Chu called himself "Chuck"
Fu decided to return to China.................
2006-07-23 09:57:31 · answer #6 · answered by *Neha.* 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋