How can you control a 16 year old child without being the bad guy?

Question

My son is 16 and thinks he is grown. I have a had time controling him beause he thinks he is grown, he gets really mad and pulls back on me like he is going to hit me. But he does not. He is twice as big as meand what is going to happen if he does.

Answer 1

You should sit him down when he is not angry, and explain to him that you are his parent and that he WILL respect you. And, if he EVER threatens you with bodily force again, you'll call the police, and he'll be out on the street. You don't need to let someone (especially your own child) threaten you in your own house. That's ridiculous. He is not an adult. He can't vote. and he can't drink.. So nope. not an adult. Unfortunately, if he has not had much discipline in the past, it's difficult to add discipline to his life now. You don't have to be the bad guy. You just need to take charge of the situation before he actually does hit you. It's your responsibility too.

Answer 2

First of all your son lacks the respect that he should have. Second of all you are the parent and you should have the final say in what ever your son does however, sometimes having total power and control can create a negative relationship between you. Ever hear of pick your battles wisely? There are some things that should always be a definite no but other things could have more give and take. It isn't about control any more it is now a big lack of respect. I would immediately seek professional help. Put him in an anger management class and some therapy would probably help too. Sometimes kids really need a friend so maybe sometimes you could try to be one for your son. This is only a phase that someday you'll both look at and laugh about. Growing pains hurt more than physically. You do remember what it was like when you were 16? Good Luck!

Answer 3

He'll think you're the bad guy no matter what. He's 16...thinks he's grown & knows it all. If he hits you, you call the police. If you can't control him, the police sure will. He may be 16 and too big for his britches, but it won't take much to scare him once the police get there. Stay strong..don't be bailing him out of any trouble he gets himself into. He's only going to learn through experience at this point.

Answer 4

You hang in there,been there myself.Your son needs to know that till he is 18 and in school under your roof there is rules and conditions to everything that needs to be applied.I actually had a Officer come to my home to put my son in juvenile,he told my son just what i could do,then asked me if i would like to place charges,i declined at the time,but i did hold that over him,it was tuff,but now my son is 25 and guess what i can't get rid of him,still at home,very respectful,we truly have a special bond.I always told my children the day i can't control you,there will be someone higher up to do so,and i meant what i said!Just be firm,tough love and it will pay off in the long run.At the same time try treating him like an young adult that he is,like chores and some leisure time with friends for rewards and explain this all to him as well,that as long as her remains acting up,he loses privileges,that as a parent the only thing that is required from you is feeding him,clothing him,not giving money,not allowing friends over,not going that extra mile for him.Trust me,he will get the message,mine did,i actually sent mine to my mothers,and he called wanting new shoes,and i told him,"Mr.Smartie,when you was big man to want to go,so did the benefits".He wanted to come back quickly,but like i said there were conditions first.I wish you the best,i know this is very tiring for a parent.Good Luck and again hang in there,and stomp the ground with boundries and stick to them!

Answer 5

By the time a child is 16, they shouldn't NEED to be "controlled" anymore, if they have been raised with increasing responsibility, taught to make decisions on their own, and given progressive freedom as they grew.

The reason a teenager rebels is because peope are trying to exercise control.

You both need to get into ocunseling together to get help balancing out your relationship and you can learn to let go more and he can learn to take responsible control of himself!

Answer 6

Well first, don't worry about "being the bad guy" because he is going to view you as that anyway. If he hits you, call the cops on him. But if you want to control him, cut off his money source. No more clothes, video games, no more allowances until he straightens out.

Answer 7

its called that second phase of indiviuality or "puberty". there is no real control over it. they r going to think they can handle everything on their own. let him start taking care of the stuff u do and see how much he thinks hes able to handle it.

as for the violent streak, let him know that the police will handle him if hes not able to

but dont push him when hes in the bad mood, let things cool down and approach him then, if ur both angry and yelling, nobody is really listening. its better to sit and 'talk or discuss' things

Answer 8

All you need to do is to be a good friend for him instead of a parent... Try and see things from his vison and then advise him and let him take the decision... But always keep an eye on him as to wether is he going in the right direction or not...

Answer 9

Wow! Let's see. First of all, refering to him as a child is shooting yourself in the foot. At 16, young men think it's time they are considered 'young men', and expect to be treated as such. Contolling one is out of the question if you're seriously considering control.
I found that with a change in my attitude, while raising 3 sons, and realizing that they were no longer children, it changed my perspective of them becoming men. After all, aren't 16 year olds young men? I gave them more responsibility's, I had to learn to trust them more with decisions they were making, and I tried to be open minded and communicate with them about their activity's.
Granted, they made some mistakes but I let them learn from those mistakes, and didn't bail them out of a jam as often as I could have. I was open to them should they had needed advice, but I didn't tell them what to do. And I tried really hard to include them in parts of my life that they were going to need to know in theirs. (Like work, obligations and commitments, and even some fun)
It might be time to sit down and talk with him about his aspirations, his goals, what he wants out of life, where he wants to be in 20 years. Focus on him.

Answer 10

Sometimes parents have to be the "bad guy". Too many parents want to be "cool" and be their kid's friend. It doesn't work that way. That's why so many kids are out of control these days. Put a belt to that butt and let him know who's boss.