blond jokes?

Question

will someone give me some good blond jokes?? i've been craving them. plz no dirty mouth. my little bro want to read to!!:)

Answer 1

10 Blondes 1 Brunette

Problem: There are 10 blondes and 1 brunette that were hanging onto a rope that was tied to an airplane. They know that one of them will have to let go because the weight of all 11 of them would tear the rope and they would all die, so they argue back and forth for a few minutes till finally the brunette says she will let go.
But first she explained why she was doing it and said good-bye to all the blondes, in an emoitional type of way.
All the blondes were so touched that they started clapping.

Problem solved.

Blonde and a brunette

A blonde and a brunette were talking, and the blonde was
very stressed. The brunette asked her what was the matter.
The blonde proceeded to tell her that she really needed to
sell her car, but no one would buy because it has 100,000
miles on it.
The brunette said to her, "I know a way that will help you
sell it. I have a friend who can help you, but it’s illegal."

The blonde said, " I'll do anything." So the brunette gave the
blonde the phone number of a guy who could turn back the odometer
in her car. A week later the blonde and the brunette crossed
paths, and the brunette asked the blonde if she had sold her car
yet.

The blonde said, "Why would I sell a car with only 50,000 miles on it?!


Blonde and the lawyer

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5.00, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.00. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.


Blonde watching the news

A blonde and brunette sit watching the 5 'o' clock news where a man is threatning to jump off a bridge.

the blonde says to the brunette i bet you £100 that he doesn't jump the brunette replies ' ok i bet you £100 that he does jump.

Sure enough the man jumped off of the bridge and killed himself.

the blonde gets out £100 and gives it to the brunette.

The brunette says 'i can't take your money.'

'Why not replies the blonde?'

'Because i watched the 12 '0' clock news and he was on then so i knew that he was going to jump.'

The blonde replied 'i watched the 12 'o' clock news as well but i didn't think that he would jump again.'

Answer 2

Q: What do blondes and turtles have in common?
A: When they are on their backs they are screwed.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: The mosquito stops sucking after you smack it. Submitted by: Joshuah Rogers

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine
(note from Zelo: for you REAL blondes out there that is the machine that makes ice in the ice-skating rinks!).

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says,
1. "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!"
2. "Good thing that cows don't fly."

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting.
She told me she didn't know how to cook them.

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie."
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"

Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Q: How does a blonde kill a worm?
A: She burys it. Submitted by: Justine Boulin

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been sighted. Submitted by: Bob Lanier

A blonde opened a box of Cheerios® and exclaimed "LOOK! A box of donut seeds!

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head?
A: All you can eat under a buck.

Q: Why is a blonde like a hardware store?
A: They are both 10¢ a screw!
Submitted by: Claude Wimberly

Q: What is a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme!
Submitted by: Ian R. Almond

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
A: Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.

Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A: To put their feet through.

Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
A2: When is that blonde ***** going to leave!?
A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"

Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces him/her self.
A2: Walks home.

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead.

Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!

Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.

Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
A2: I don't know.
R: Neither did she.

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last *******.

Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!

Q: Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"?
A: She liked to be filled with cream.

Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" referred to her ears?

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.

Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men.
A: Their heels.

Confucius say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.

Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.

A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.

Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.

Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.

... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the slogan "Billions Served - just today"

Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.

Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only put 3 fingers in a bowling ball.Q: Why did the blonde die in a helicopter crash?
A: She got cold and turned off the fan.

Q: Why did the blonde have square ****?
A: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that invented the solar flashlight?
Submitted by: Anthony Sandoval

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
A: An IN-body experience!

Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.


Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby conceived ?"

"He was on top ", she replied.
"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.

The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top ", was the reply.
"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.

With this, the third women, a blonde, burst into tears.
"What's the matter ?" asked the doc.
"Am I going to have puppies ?".....

Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

Answer 3

What's a good way to drown a blond. Put a scratch in sniff sticker in the pool.

Answer 4

2 blonds were on opposite sides of the river when one shouted to the other , How do I get to the other side ? The second blond replied , Your already on the other side !

Answer 5

how do u drown a dumb blonde..?
put a scratch an sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool..