Anyone out there dating a guy who has a crazy ex? How do you handle it?

Question

I've been dating a guy for six months now. He's fantastic-- everything I could have ever hoped to find in a guy. He's loyal and honest and thoughtful. Everything is fantastic except for one little thing: his ex. She's a psycho. They dated for about 5-6 years. About two years in, he realized that she was addicted to prescription drugs. He stayed with her because he thought he could help her. She doesn't have a job or a car, she lives at home with her parents and sleeps all day long. He's shelled out thousands and thousands of dollars over the years because she couldn't afford to support herself. They broke up two years ago, but they have a dog together, so he keeps in touch because she can't afford to pay the vet bills. For the last six months (since he met me), she's started going really wacko. She calls in the middle of the night for nothing, she drives by sometimes and she leaves depressing messages on his voicemail. Has anyone else experienced something like this? What did you do?

Answer 1

I feel your pain honey because I am in your boyfriend's shoes. I've been dating a guy for six or seven months and this was after ending a three year relationship with my ex boyfriend because his prorities were about weed and nothing else. Well, he still calls and comes around wanting me to take him back and it really bothers me because I can't really stop him from doing these things and it scares me that my boyfriend is going to leave me for it. Fortunately, he's a GREAT guy who doesn't let it phase him. He says he knows he can trust me and he knows that my ex is just being an a**. So I started giving him the cold shoulder and eventually he'll cool off and leave me alone. Maybe your man should do the same. There comes a point in time when you have to turn your back on people who haven't changed after you've done so much to help them out. And by her being an a**hole and making an a** out of herself, it will make you look GREAT if you don't make a huge deal out of it. Don't let it phase you if you know that he doesn't want her back. You being there when he listens to some stupid voicemail she leaves him and saying to him "Gosh! I guess she realizes that she lost the greatest man..." or "Mmm..she lost her chance with you cuz you're mine now.". It'll make you look like a super sweet, understanding, confident girlfriend that every guy wants. Use her stupidity to make yourself look great.

Answer 2

You need to leave him. He has an ex who hasnt left entirely because he hasnt given her the message he wants her out of his life and uses the dog as an excuse. If he thought the dog was in danger he'd call the RSPCA or whatever Vet services are in place. She knows her hold on his life....and feels if she waits and persists long enough she will get him back.

Give him back to her. If his concerns are with the dog...let him work that out before he comes back to you. He must know he cant keep tabs on the dog forever. If he wants custody of the dog he must take her to court...and if she cant afford to keep the dog...then?

He's just giving her mixed messages...and to you too. He's not that fantastic if he's a crazy-maker. He'll make you crazy too.....isnt that happening already?

Answer 3

Yes, girl I had something kinda like that happen to me before. I was talking to a guy and his ex was crazy too. She use to break in his apartment w/ a extra key that she made a copy of and I never for get she use to come by Lowes we both worked there and she use to drop notes on his car, high heel shoes. She called the job constantly. Well when she found out we were dating it got worse. She called my cell constantly. I don't even know how she even got my number, but to make a long story short I finally after 3yrs. I just left him alone really didn't have a choice after he gave me an std.

Answer 4

I've dealt with this in the past and you MUST stand up for yourself, do not let her drive a wedge in between you, she is trying to do this! Since she is an addict maybe you could talk to your boyfriend about having the dog stay with him and you could help him out with it...(kind of like a custody battle, when a party gets re-married they can usually provide a more stable environment for the little ones) Good luck to you :-)

Answer 5

I had a boyfriend like this. I owned a nightclub where he was a bartender and she used to come in all the time. He wa always asking me out and I always refused becuse she represented herself like they were together. When I told him why I would not go out with him, he made her tell me, in from=nt of him they were not together. She was obsessed, later I just had her 86D from my club to avoid any drama and I never spoke to her or allowed her access to speak to me. We had the phone calls, but I am a no-nonsense girl and I simply stated, you can have that or me. Your choice, no hard feelings. It is time to fish or cut bait. He did everything in his power to get rid of her and protect me from hwe craziness...she never did anything to me because I was a nightclub owner and she was a waitress, it could have affected her job ops if I had talked to my industry peers about her. But I think short of taking legal action, it is really difficult to stop these stalkers, especially for men. Your BF is perpetuating the situation by sharing a "dog"...HE needs to take custody of the dog, dammit...she is apparently unfit and he needs to be responsible, take control of his life back and MOVE ON.

Answer 6

Ohh, maintenance for the dog...is he the father, does he have visiting rights?
HE should really break it up with her, nothing you can do(except get him his own dog!), but consider this : maybe he likes the attention, rescueing the damsel in distress type thing.
If HE is not firm and tells her to GO, you will always have a problem. If he did tell her to GO, change your telephone numbers, have it unlisted; Change your friends, town, job, school.

Answer 7

If they dont have kids together, then why still invoved? I think this guy isnt telling you everything. He wants to stay in touch, because there comes a time, when the dog just wont matter anymore, if he really wants her gone. Sounds like an excuse for him to keep her in his life. She gets in touch, because she feels he still wants her there. Who else is giving her those vibes??? Sure isnt you...think about it.

Answer 8

OH HELLO, she is not going to stop until she breaks you two up, get a restraining order an now, if yall can move get a unlisted number, those xs can go nuts next she will try to kill herself to make him feel sorry for her, put it in the paper yall are getting married , that will put her over the edge an stop bothering yall,

Answer 9

I had one of those-she showed up at my door in the middle of the night looking for him pushed her way in, I'm Christian and told her we don't do things like that we live apart and besides he was stationed in Kuwait and not even there. she looked around the house bothered my kids for him by the time the police showed up she was gone. One time she was in my house she cleaned the house and washed clothes and even polished furniture- she cooked a nice meal (get this she broke the glass in the front door to let herself in and then called her cousins glass company to replace the window) I told her she wasn't welcome- she took a swing at me- luckily I studied some self defense and I was able to hold her till the Police came. She got some help after that -her brother told me she does this after every break up she even did it to his wife when he got married. She sent me a letter to apologize and I've haven't heard from her since

Answer 10

as a man who has had a psycho ex or two I can only give you the advice I gave the ladies I was dating when the psycho was there .. which is simply realize that part of my life is over .. and eventually she will too