I have been with the same man for almost a year. In this year, I have changed a lot and do not want to go back to the old person I used to be. I love him dearly but, CONSTANTLY he tries to throw up in my face how I was in PAST times. Ive changed and deserve that respect. (By the way, I have never done anything wrong to him-I just wasnt living a healthy lifestyle. Now I am, and I have lost almost 25 Ibs!!!! I look and feel good!) Please help if you can.
2006-07-23 03:58:39 · 39 answers · asked by luckyduckie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It sounds like he fell in love with the person that you were, and not the person that you are. There is nothing wrong with him, just that you changed.
Do him a favor, and let him out. Then take your new and improved self and find someone who will appreciate the changes that you have gone through.
And congrats for getting healthier!!!
2006-07-23 04:01:58 · answer #1 · answered by pnk517 4 · 20⤊ 3⤋
The answer seems pretty obvious to me though perhaps I am missing something...
He started going out with you a year ago when you were doing A, B and C. Now you are not doing A, B and C and he throws it in your face. Clearly, he liked those things about you - he chose to go out with you when you were heavy, or eating wrong or not exercising or whatever. He may have liked those things about you because it made him feel better about himself that you were A, B and C and he was not - or because of some other reason but it really doesn't matter what the reason is does it? He didn't complain then and is now - he doesn't like the new you.
You find that hard to believe cause you think the new you is so much superior to the old you - it is unfathomable that anyone doesn't share that opinion... but this is the case. You have few choices and only one healthy choice. I'm pretty sure you'll make it without me having to tell you what it is.
2006-07-23 04:14:27 · answer #2 · answered by awakening1us 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's insecure and realizes that you can and have changed and he is afraid of losing you because he sees that you are making strides without his help. So, he resorts to trying to make you feel bad about your past because he can't handle the fact that you don't really need him. You have two choices here: (1) bolster his confidence by telling him all the ways you do still need him, or (2) let him know that these changes are important in your life and if he wants to be a part of that he better stop with the past or you are outta there. Before you tell him this, make sure you mean what you say so that he doesn't continue to drag you two steps back for every step you take forward.
Good luck. Remember, he can only make you feel bad if you let him. :)
2006-07-23 04:03:58 · answer #3 · answered by VNCGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that there is anything wrong with him, it just appears to me that the two of you are growing apart. He started seeing you for a reason, and you can't fault him for wishing to be with the woman that he fell for only a year ago. That being said, If that woman is very different now than she was then...Its time for a talk. People change, and a change for the better is great. The two of you should decide if you are both heading in the same direction. Good Luck ;)
2006-07-23 04:06:54 · answer #4 · answered by My Answer For What Its Worth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it about weight or is it about more?
I think men don't want the women to change in a relationship. On the other hand, I think women immediately set about trying to change men.
The position strays from your point a bit but I believe relationships are best served by serving the other first.
Your right on the money, but maybe there's more to his point than a formerly bad lifestyle. Good luck!
2006-07-23 04:04:33 · answer #5 · answered by Tommystune 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just went to a tragedy marriage, which is going to a divorce just after 6 weeks. girl, let me tell u this, if now he is doing this, when ever you decide to build your life with him it will feal...is not just about commitment..is about trust and respect, and if one of you doesn't have it. IT WILL NEVER WORKS. find u a new one. There are around lots of men, (maybe not good. i don't trust any one no more) but at least maybe u will find some one who shows u some respect.. Never lost your own pride. that's the last thing u need to lost. specially not for a man.
2006-07-23 04:03:42 · answer #6 · answered by Ritamorales. 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I actually live with a guy that does that to the ladies he knows. I think it's very disrespectful and such things that happened in the past shouldn't be brought up if they aren't affecting your current relations.
If I were in your situation, if the person I was with kept bringing my past up, I'd simply say, if I wasn't good enough then, why am I now? And break it off.
You have changed for the better, now it's his turn to change. If he can't, then I feel he's not good enough for you.
2006-07-23 04:02:50 · answer #7 · answered by brandonedbishop 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is emotionally extremely insecure, and as long as your lifestyle was unhealthy, he was safe.
Now that you have gotten your act together and are leading a healthy lifestyle, he is feeling threatened by you.
He needs to cut you down so that he does not have to face his own inadequacies.
I recgnize that you love him dearly, which is why he must immediately start working on his own issues. I am afraid that if he doesn't address them at once, things will get worse, and you will be forced to leave him.
2006-07-23 04:06:36 · answer #8 · answered by profdave99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is scared that since you have changed that you will leave him for someone else. Its like when you had the extra weight he felt like he didn't have to compete with any of the other dudes looking at you or trying to hit on you etc. But now he sees the changes and is just trying to make you feel bad for looking good!!!! Don't put up with it...leave him if he doesn't change!!! But before that just try talking with him, a serious talk, and try to find the problem. Good luck sweetie, and oh congrats on your weight loss!!!! Oh and one more thing..Tony D you are a complete A.S.S.H.O.L.E!!!!!!!!
2006-07-23 04:08:33 · answer #9 · answered by Chelly Belly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
way to go girl. i 4 one know all about the past and thats what it is the past. what is wrong with ur man. well one he dont respect u cuz he wouldnt bring up the past and make u think bout it. u do deserve the respect and hes not giving it to u. ur losing weight which means u feel better inside and outside. i dont want u to go back to that old person but this guy dont deserve u and u know this. if he cant respect u then u need to leave him. ur all positive moving on with head on ur shoulder and hes holding u back. if he doess it again u should leave him. its him thats going to miss out.good luck
2006-07-23 04:08:26 · answer #10 · answered by SLICK 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've changed? And you feel great? Good for you! Do not turn back, tell him that you changed and changes are irreversible. If he loves you he should understand and see that you feel great, now that you are somebody else, maybe with he will accept you and love you more than ever. Show him that the new you is more better than you were before.
2006-07-23 04:06:51 · answer #11 · answered by Soso 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋