I'm 49 and I've never dumped anybody in my life. I've had three long-term relationships for most of my life, one for 13 yrs. The last was 3 yrs. She always said she loved me, but chose a boy half her age. She was cruel about it. Last year, after he hooked her on hard drugs and impregnated her, I took her back. She rehabbed and said she was a much better person now. It was a complicated pregnancy and she couldn't work. I quit my nice job, moved to a strange town with her to take a much harder job, worked 12 hrs. a day to support her and her other three kids, and did almost all the housework so that she'd have a beautiful, healthy baby, even if it wasn't mine. She got ADC and threw me out the day she came home with the baby. She was cruel about it. I last saw her when I helped her move, and upon finishing, she got mean. Now her ADC is up and she's working. She looked me up. I told her never, ever again, and she cried. She deserves it, but why do I feel so bad now?
2006-07-23 03:47:44 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
She felt she could be as cruel as she wanted to be and push the envelope over and over again because you've never said no to her, and she pretty much banked that you never would - until you finally did. Even if you're right it's going to hurt, because she was someone that you cared about, and you seem to be an upstanding individual with everything you did for her.
Maybe there is a part of you that feels more for the kids, especially the new one, because god forbid, what if she relapses, and you're not there to pick up the pieces? You cannot do that to yourself.
2006-07-23 04:02:19 · answer #1 · answered by Pask 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You feel bad because you gave so much of yourself and the relationship didn't turn out well.
You have gone way beyond being nice.I just wonder why you gave her so many chances? The best predictor of the future is the past. Drugs, kids, not working, depending on you and being mean.
She is NOT your problem. What part of you says it is ok to be abused and used? She is an adult with kids and she can't even take care of herself.
You feel bad becasue you are a sweetheart and didn't deserve the crap she gave you and some place in side of you feels like you need to rescue her. It isn't your job to rescue her. Time to cut the cord with her. She will self destruct and take you down with her.
You are a good man and deserve a good woman who will spoil and you love and you will spoil and love her .
Some of us didn't have good role models for good relationships.
There is such a thing as good relationships and you deserve one. A great book to read is ARE YOU The One For ME.
It sure helped me figure out who and what I need in a realationship.
You will grieve the loss of what could of been. Then you will move on and take good care of yourself.
Stick to you guns about this. Never ever again let her use you.
2006-07-23 10:58:41 · answer #2 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she was cruel to you then she deserved to be dumped. You probably feel bad about it because dumping someone you care or cared about is never a good thing. But she made her choice. It is okay to feel a little bad about it, it is not a good thing to have to do but then what she did to you.....was that nice? Don't let it eat you up. Try remember the good times and move on. Good luck.
2006-07-23 10:54:10 · answer #3 · answered by Mav 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You feel bad because you are a nice guy. The guilt is normal. You can't help what you feel. Considering your side of the story, you have been a real champ about the whole thing. You did the right thing standing up for yourself like that. I think we both know she wouldn't have respected you if you took her back AGAIN.
2006-07-23 10:56:03 · answer #4 · answered by crystalwitchayer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is just cruel and to tell u the truth just trying to use u, u seem like a really nice guy to have put up woth her and her kids for that long, u deserve better in my poinoin, u will find mrs right one day i dont think that girl is the one though, for one she has alot of baggage and seems like shes using a nice person that could be with someone better, good luck to u, what ever u deside to do
2006-07-23 10:52:25 · answer #5 · answered by Victoria 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You feel bad because you are hurting. You did everything possible to help her and she threw you out. It was a horrible thing to do, but it was for the best. You are so much better off and you will find a kind and loving person to replace that nasty piece of work. Please don't pick up any more wounded birds. Find a woman who is grounded, sweet, and appreciative.
2006-07-23 10:53:26 · answer #6 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you helped her out a lot!!! But, you have to remember, when a woman is pregnant and just after, she is going through a lot of hormone changes. So that might be part of it. But, if you are feeling bad, it is probably because you have a conscience, and maybe you still care for her. You might want to give her a call and see how she is doing. Its up to you. But, you don't want to be around it she is still doing drugs.
2006-07-23 10:54:37 · answer #7 · answered by winona e 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You feel bad because you allowed a woman to use you and take advantage of you. I hate to tell you this but women don't respect men who don't stand up for them selves. You sound like a nice man. Get real and find a woman who treats you right. Don't be a door mat.
2006-07-23 10:52:09 · answer #8 · answered by ellieannah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because you are a sucker. And she knows that all she has to do is cry and you will take her back. It's a show. She is cruel and you should have never done all of that for her. You dont have to be mean to her, tell her you hope she finds someone who is good for her, but never let her use you again
2006-07-23 10:54:12 · answer #9 · answered by morgan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trying hard for a relationship get you hooked. When you finally decide to end it, it always feels bad. Don't have second thoughts. Whatever you said to end it is right as long as you felt it right.
2006-07-23 10:58:31 · answer #10 · answered by Angelo M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋