what do you do about your partners grown kids?

Question

I MET MY GUY 23 YEARS AGO, WE FOOLED AOUND A COUPLE OF YEARS, HE WAS 36 AND I WAS 17. WE BEEN BACK TOGETHER 8 YEARS COME OCTOBER AND WE,RE TALKING ABOUT GETTING MARRIED, BY THE WAY I'M 40 AND HE'S 59. HE HAS A DAUGHTER THATS 27 AND SHE'S BEEN HERE 6 YEARS AND SHE HAVE A SON THATS 5. TWO YEARS AGO HE GAVE HIS SON A 1,000 DOLLARS TO CATCH UP WITH HIS MORTGAGE AND HE STILL LOST HIS HOUSE, SO HES BEEN HERE FOR TWO YEARS, HIS DAUGHTER JUST FINISH COLLEGE BUT SHE NEEDS TO PASS THE STATE TEST FOR NURSING, SHES FELLED IT TWICE. HIS SON WENT TO SCHOOL FOR A ASSOCIATE DEGREE AND JUST TOOK GENERAL STUDIES, HE DID'NT MAJORED IN NOTHING,
BUT WHILE HE WAS THERE HE WAS IN A PLAY AND THEN HE
WANTED TO BE AN ACTOR, HE HAS NO PROBLEM GETTING JOBS, BUT HE KEEPS QUITING THEM. HE WAS LIVING IN THE DINING ROOM, NOW THATS CLUTTERED WITH CLOTHS, IN BAGS, I MENTIONED HAMPERS HE BOUGHT ONE, HE GOT TEN BIG GARBAGE BAGS ON THE FLOOR IN CORNERS AND CLOTHS THROWN ON TOP OF THEM. HE HAS CLOTHS HANGING ON HANGERS .

now hes in the living room the other day he bought some signs that says Roberts room and he have'nt put them up, but i brought it to my guy before he do. he's 36.
he brings his girlfriend over and spends the night, he used to bring 3 in one week. the
problem is they don't clean up behind them-selves, but when they go outside they're the cleanest thing around. every time i clean up its a major cleanup job. i had a history of drug and alcohol abuse, but now
i'm clean and i work part time and going to college full time. just once i would like to come home and cook dinner with out having to wash dishes, i wash dishes every time i cook. they walk across stuff they left on the floor, they don't do '****'
they don't take garbage out, clean the washoom nor kitchen, we've had talks before but it will last about a week at the most, and the first thing they think is this is my dads house and my guy , i have to really go off on him for him to say anything.
we have'nt had a talk in a while.

i really do love him,and hes a good man, plese help, he also pays all the bills,they give him 30 or 50 dollars now and thn but thats not **** compared to what the bills are.

and one more thing, icook him breakfast if he wants to eat in the morning,i iron his uniforms every morning, and is dinner is cooked when he gets home dependin on my schedule sometimes i cook the day before, i wash and sometimes i wash him up. he says he really was'nt there for them that much, but he raised his son, he has two more sons whos married and have thier own.

Answer 1

Dump him! The least of your problems are his grown kids.

Answer 2

You need to talk to their father about this. This should not be happening. I believe you would be making a mistake if you marry him with all of this going on. You are obviously not happy. Tell the man you love the truth. There is nothing wrong with him wanting to help his children actually I encourage that but it has gone to far at this point. It sound like they are taking advantage of him in a bad way. They need to learn lessons of life and they also need to learn what a buck is all about and if keeps sheltering them, they will never learn and you 2 will never have the privacy you need to make a marriage work.
Best of luck

Answer 3

I probably and not the one to answer this as my now husbands whole family have gave us fits but I did get through to him that the kids were a major issue. At their ages they need to grow up and he needs to be the one to tell them. STOP doing everything right now. Don't pick up after them, don't do their laundry or cook them a meal. Tell your man that although you love him you aren't going to be the maid and housemother to two grown kids and that they need to start helping out. Set an amount for each of them to pay and make them pay it, stick that money in a savings account and when get enough hand it to them and tell them their is their start in life. He can't make up for what happened in the past now. Good luck.

Answer 4

Lady, three questions, you gotta answer.

1. Why are you here? What do you want out of this relationship?

2. What are your expectations? Are they realistic and achievable?

3. What do you bring to this relationship? Is it proportion to Numbers 1 and 2 above?

Answer 5

ok u should never come in between a parent and their children u say u love him then why is this even a question if u love someone u except their kids but to the question talk to you husband tell him all your feeling ask him to set some rules and limits maybe a chore arrangement u shouldn't be expected to do everything but u shouldn't come between him and his kids

Answer 6

You gotta tell him. The kids move out or I do. Then start packing to drive it home. Don't bluff. Have a place to go to all set up. Neither of you need this headache and mess in your home.

Answer 7

i would sit dowm and talk with his kids

Answer 8

no sweetie