Why do some people equate submission with blind obedience and servile hood?

Question

I am a Catholic wife and mother and I believe in the husband being the head of the household. He is the head and I am the heart. I believe it is a lot like our U.S. Government. There is a president and a Congress. Just an example. He discusses things with me and makes a decission based on this. I only take a stand when I feel it is the of the utmost importance which is rarely. I have found we live a happier more peaceful life. I am not suggesting this for all just that it works for us.

I will add that The President may not be the best example but I was speaking of cooperation. It could also be said to be like the president of a company and the board of directors. Is that better.

Actually I can not remember when I have had to question things but I am sure that it is rare. A true loving husband would consider his wifes feelings and beliefs on things.

Actually I find it very freeing. He gets to deal with all the worries and mistakes.

Answer 1

I think it's important to point out to people that God requires women to place themselves in submission (we choose it). Our husbands are not to place us in submission. Big difference. Our husbands are also to love us as Christ loves the Church.

My husband would say that I am far from a doormat and I definitely have my own mind and share my own opinion, but he makes the final decision. It's his responsibility.

I grew up in a household of forced submission, so it was a tricky thing for me to consider marriage. When my husband and I were dating, I visited him at work. At the time he was in charge of the Marine Corps recruiting station. All the guys clearly respected him. They had nothing but good to say about him.

He showed me the wall of awards the station won. I noticed that most of the awards had his name on them, and he said that without the cooperation of his entire station, those awards would not have been possible. So he considered them everyone's awards.

Then he talked about how his job was to make sure that the guys had everything they needed in order to get their jobs done. And I thought, I could marry this man.

He exemplified Jesus' description of godly leadership:

But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”
Matthew 20:25-28

It's been 11 years. I'm still happy with my decision.

Answer 2

If your system works for you that is fine. I could never live as such. My marriage is an 50/50 partnership. No decisions come about unless both are in full agreement and any partner could be the one suggesting what should be done. Since I bring home half of the finances I have the right to say where things should be going as does my husband.

Don't think that leads to a lot of discord because it doesn't. Of course we have our spats like any married couple but we do well jointly deciding on financial and household issues.

Answer 3

Yes, you bring up a very valid point...and I understand what you are saying...and there is validity to it. Allow a man to be a man. Honor him as head of the household. It does not mean he does not honor you as a woman. The trick is in your choice for a mate. Sometimes, our modern views serve as an impediment to a much deeper understanding of what it means to be in a loving relationship founded on trust. The more traditional roles for men and women were much simpler, more defined, and made sense. The move away from it indicates there is much more going on. It should never be confused with abuse, or a lack of respect as a human being...and I would never suggest this...but I prefer my men to be be men...and I am expressing something many women don't know how to express...for in their hearts, if the truth be told...they feel lost and often feel a emotional need for just this...but are afraid of sacrificing their freedom and choices in life. The two are not exclusive to each other...it is simply a basic need built into us for a reason. I have no desire to participate in manly things. The gender lines are too blurred...and very confusing. It doesn't mean I want to be hit over the head with a club and drug into a cave to be violated. It means I have a more defined sense of my femininity as a counterpart to a man's masculinity. I hope this is understood.

Answer 4

As with all things, compromise is what makes the world function. I think it's great and you give me the impression that you're truly happy. The only concern is that you retain the right to have an opinion. Making the decisions are one thing But valuing your opinion has to be first and foremost in order to sustain a happy marriage. If that is so then I say, good for you and may you both live happy and fulfilling lives. Together.

Answer 5

It is a wonderful system in theory...but in reality it has been abused, usually by a controlling, arrogant, and insecure "head" much of the time.

Hopefully your marriage is nothing like the U.S. Government....with all the lying and cheating behind every-ones back!

Blessings on the woman who finds a man that does not take advantage of her submissive heart and is willing to treat her opinions, contributions, and feelings as equal.

Answer 6

Sounds like you have a great marriage. Good for both of you!

Back to your original question...

"Submission" is a greatly misunderstood topic these days. Many people equate human submission with animal submission, and this is a mistake! Animals, in their little "societys", submit out of fear: the stallion runs his herd with physical force, wolf packs have a heirarchy based on which is the strongest, lions run their prides on physical strength, chickens who peck others into submission rule the roost.

With humans it should not be so. Humans submit to other humans out of respect, not fear! At least, that is the way it should be. We submit to the rule of law out of respect for the law and other human beings. It is a sad excuse for a human being, who only submits to the law because he/she is afraid of being arrested!

Where there is fear in a relationship, you do not find true submission. You find capitulation. Submission is a mutual exchange of respect in a relationship involving trust. Capitulation involves dominance.

Unfortunately, many Americans don't know the difference between submission and capitulation. Their ignorance causes them to be intolerant, and stubbornness can close their minds to alternative suggestions.

Answer 7

I think the way you and your husband live seems ideal but it could be better if those times where you spoke up were much more rare and I don't mean to seem rude but if my wife is going to submitt to my leadership i want a full submission -go ahead call me crazy if you like-

Answer 8

Because most people want their own will to be done. People do not want to be meek and humble. Western culture tells us that we can have what we want when we want it. Commercialism and capitalism have given rise to this "Culture of Me".

The wife's submission to the husband is a very biblical concept. If you can be selfless enough to do it in today's society, you will be blessed.

Answer 9

This is great that you each accept the responsibility of your position!

The Bible always talks about both sides. The wife is to submit, but the husband is to love, like Christ loved the church. I am still trying to understand better what that type of love would be like in our world.

Answer 10

Actually, a properly submissive wife is the one in control. She knows the right buttons to push to get the right result. Did you really think it was his idea to ask you to marry him? It was you decision, he just put it into motion.