how do you tell a 4 yr old...................?

Question

what do i tell my 4 yr old where his daddy is? his daddy took off about three yrs ago and hasnt seen or talked to my son in three yrs. what do i tell him when he ask's me where his daddy is? i usually tell him i dont know and he starts to cry and ask's for him more. is it a good idea to show my son pictures of his daddy so he wont forget what he looks like? please help me.

how old should he be for me to tell him the absolute truth. his daddy took off with a girl and because of her he doent come around. i know where his daddy is but i really dont want my son to know. i dont wont him to be angry with me later in life because his daddy left. this sucks. he makes a baby then leaves.

Answer 1

Sorry to read you are having to deal with that. I have a four year old too. I find that the truth is best. Of course some watered down version, such as (use your own discresion). We all get to choose what we do with our lives, like you choose what toy you are going to play with or what friend you want to see. Sometimes our choices effect others in negative ways. Your Daddy made a choice that has effected you and me in a negative way. He has chose to go somewhere far away and has not let us know if he will be back. What is important for you to know is, He did not do it because he does not love you. His choice had nothing to do with you or me. I love you and I wish I could make this better for you, but it is not my choice it was your dad's. Let's help each other, by loving each other. You are the most important person in my life, I think you are a wonderful person. Etc. Etc.

Answer 2

Ok I have a 4 year old who had a "girlfriend" who moved away last minute without saying goodbye. He still asks me if she can come over. It is hard for them to understand these things when they are this young. But what works for me is I got him this big map and pointed to where he lives and then to where she lives so he can relate to the distance. That and he has her picture. So yes give him a pictur that he can keep in his room and that will be his and his alone. Find something like maybe a shirt that will still have his smell and let him sleep with it...scent is very attached to memory and this could trigger dreams about his father. Perhaps get him a map so he can see that there is a lot of land out there and ask him where HE thinks daddy is. Have him point it out and say "Well...let's wait and see." Eventually he will be old enough to understand..give it time.

Answer 3

Tell the truth... I did when I was a single mom with my first. I told her from day one. I eventually married my current husband, and told her that the judge said he wanted my current husband to be her new dad. My hub adopted her because her real dad gave up rights. We told her that her biological dad, just did not know how to be a good dad, maybe one day he will learn, but until then, the judge gave you a nice new dad...

My husband and daughter are unseperable!!! She is 15, and has no want to meet her real dad. If she does one day want to meet him, my husband said he would buy her a ticket, and even go with her..

You have to be honest. If you are honest there will be no issues later..... Or at least it won't come as a big shock.. Don't show him the pictures...Rather he is craving attention from a real male figure in his life...Do you have a brother??? Let him take your son fishing, or such once a week. This will help lots..

Answer 4

it truly is hard, pretty interior the early years. i'm sorry you're feeling so by myself with it, and that i'm hoping you'll stumble on some help -- perchance from a community autism society, or the health care professional who clinically determined him might want to comprehend of elements that would want to be sensible you. As others have suggested, it is ridiculous for the faculty to inform your 4-twelve months-old that he will be expelled. i do not even see how that would want to artwork with commonplace toddlers that age, no longer to tutor an autistic one. So what that announces is that your college would not understand what they're dealing with, or perhaps however think about chosen intently, it truly is time to seem elsewhere. If he lashes out, then they do ought to guard different pupils, yet doing that by using making a probability he won't be able to understand is fairly stupid, and its purely attainable result's to make him more effective hectic and dissatisfied. You and your son want a special college the position his desires will be understood and the workers will be more effective supportive of both honestly one of you. i do not comprehend the position you're, yet US rules require academic help for toddlers with disabilities, and it appears like British rules have those provisions, too. So i'd start up by using contacting your community college authorities. no matter if or not they do no longer have the right elements, they ought to comprehend what else is accessible. i'm hoping you'll stumble on a challenge it fairly is a few distance more effective; it receives a lot less confusing once you comprehend issues are going more effective easily. sturdy success.

Answer 5

Four year olds are not all that different from adults in that they want something more concrete than 'somewhere.' Invent a place, a place far away, heck, Siberia is always available, at a future date if the issue comes up, be honest and say 'I lied but I had to tell you something other than I don't know.' It is perfectly o-k to keep a photo of Dad around, and it is o-k to assure the child that someday Dad might return.

Answer 6

tell him the truth in a 3 yo vocab... Mommy and daddy didn't get along.. sure show him pics but find a male role model for him right away...I'm not saying a boyfriend or a new daddy...I'm saying a male that is close to you and can be there as a male role model... it will take his mind off of where's daddy....but be honest with your son..don't tell him you don't know...call the guy and ask him to explain to his son where he is and why he's not around...

Answer 7

I would suggest first speaking to your child about how his father will not be a part of his life. That the father has left and shall not be back. I should make this point extremely clear before showing them photos. This would resolve potential fantasies the child might wish to create, or harbor, involving the father.

Then be sure to spend a great deal of time reassuring them that you are part of their life and you will not be leaving. That you are committed to them as they are to you.

Four years of age is not too young to to talk about how the father left. Instead, by hiding it you could create a barrier of distrust and false hope which would be a far larger issue to overcome once the child learned the truth.

Answer 8

This is tough. I have a 3 (almost 4) year old. In situations like that, I usually tell her the truth (the shortest most direct to point version of it). A lot of people don't like that I do that, but honestly, kids understand a lot more than we give them credit for. I would show him pictures just so he knows what he looks like. Poor kid...

Answer 9

do you thinks the daddy is ever going to come back? If yes show the pictures to your son so that he remembers what he looks like, otherwise it is going to be more complicated situation at a later date.

Answer 10

My father did this to me. My Mom told me that he just left and wasn't going to come back any more. When I was 10 she told me all of the truth. Good luck with your child and you might want to seek help with a therapist. I ended up having to go because I felt I wasn't love-able by men in my early adult life.