ok--religiously and morally, when can a person cross the line and know that divorce is the only way to go. I know the bible says that cheating is the way, but are their other reasons --where I would not be guilty all of my life and think I am going to Hell too?? I am not planning this or anything--but I see things in a different way now and other people see the things that he is doing to me--they look at it differently than I do. They believe he is lying to me a lot and using me for money. Plus he is and has been on the Methodone drug treatment program and sells and uses it b/c that is prescribed, but he smokes week constantly and I found pills and a straw--he said that incidence was just a relapse and he has only supposedly done that about 6 times since he got into treatment. He had no job and I paid for everything and I think he uses my money to front things and I don't know if I am wrong or just looking for a way out. We were friends for years and he was the love of my life!!
2006-07-22 17:47:18 · 8 answers · asked by Sage g 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
ok he did not work for 2 years almost and he recently got a job b/c I told him that people were talking bad and that my account was so low. But he does not seem to be changing the drug thing and more people are calling him who are into stuff and there is more. But I love him and I think that no one else will love me and that no one else could put up with him and that we are perfect for eachother for that reason. ???
2006-07-22 17:49:19 · update #1
Thank you everyone for your kindness! I really appreciate all of your words of wisdom. May God Bless you!!
2006-07-23 21:12:09 · update #2
My friend you posted a tough question to which there is no easy answer. Only your God can answer it for you. So to start turn it all over to him.
Why do you not separate and let the gentleman live his life without you and your support. When he ask for your help refuse and let him go to others for this help. Let him experience your value to him without you around and maybe this will cause him to wake up and see his faults you pointed out..
I find no restriction in all my bible studies which has been for 23 plus years that say no separation for a while. I can not recommend divorce because I accept that is between you and your God and not for me to take a position.
The two of you are to be one and to have the same goals. If I can accept your side of the story as fact it seems that the gentleman does not want to be one with you and wants to be one against you. That should not be. I see in your story a picture that the gentleman has a lot of self love but not much displayed love for you. Absolute the words may say it but the actions do not agree with the words.
Yes my friend I only read your side thus I can only answer your question from my view of your side. You are to be a hepler or helpmate and your supporting of his habits and actions or even condoning them in my view is not a help but a hinderence to his seeing the real picture and real truth. How will he be able to see real love unless you show it to him. You know sometimes real love must let go for a while so another can see what is real and then maybe face up to the existing problem or problems. Let go for a while and separate from him lock, stock, and barrel and of course with God's permission and then see what developes. You can not change him, only God can do that and He must agree to the change. That is between him and his God whatever or whoever it is.
I am convinced that God will show you the way if your God is my God.
2006-07-22 18:23:46 · answer #1 · answered by cjkeysjr 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, u need 2 wake up & I mean BIG TIME...u've said that he spouse/friend has been in treatment 4 6 months & is/ was other drug(s) since he's been on a prescribed treatment & is still on this treatment ... then I have 2 say he's not gonna change!!!!! U've even found PROOF of this & U (I can understand) believe that it "WAS JUST THE 1 TIME" thing & know 4 a fact that he SELLS the prescription 2 others.....HELLO WHAT R U THINKING ~ WHAT IF A PERSON THAT HE HAS SOLD THIS DRUG 2 HAS AN REACTON 2 THE DRUG OR DIES B/C HE/SHE HAS TAKEN THIS DRUG.....HOW WOULD U FEEL THEN?????? WHAT IF HE "GETS CAUGHT SELLING THE DRUG"???? SURE HOPE U 2 DO NOT HAVE ANY CHILD(REN)....Seems 2 me that UR asking is this okay 4 a divorce??? Only u truly know the answer 2 that ???? But I'd think really hard on ~ If this is the way U hoped & wanted UR marriage 2 some1 2 be like....I'm a God fearing 33 yr old female with an 8 yr old son...out of wedlock but I know that God has 4given me 4 this...HE is the 1 that blessed me with him...Yes, there is other reasons 2 get a divorce & this is 1 of them....From what U have said/written U've stuck by UR spouse 4 a long time now....knew him b4 the 2 of U were married...This says alot about U...says that U've stuck by him & U've HELPED him with his "problems" & now I think UR asking 4 help 2 get out of the marriage...U had enough though UR debating this b/c of UR religious upbringing.....Ask Urself this ~ "If my child was in the same circumstances as I am now ....... what or how would I tell them what is best 4 them?? ~ Would U like 2 see them go through would U are @ this very moment....wondering if or when he'll/she'll be honest with U. Wondering if he's trying something knew that day.... If he does find a job or has 1 rather what would U say if he was terminated from that job 4 use of some drug????? If that happens he will not be able 2 support or rather help U out with the bills @ all...b/c most if not all jobs will not hire some1 if they were terminated 4 that.....B/c the possible employer will not want 2 be responible if something were 2 happen "on the job"...U've written/said that he smokes weed constantly.....what do Ur co~workers or Ur boss say 2 U????? B/c I know that it permeates through the clothes & stays there awhile..... I know this b/c I'm an Asst Mgr. & I above all have very sensitive allegeries!!! Not only that but I know several people that smoke the stuff.....& the smell is with them all through the day....Let me just say that that is NOT what U want not only Ur co~workers 2 smell but even more so Ur patrons/customers 2 smell that....
FYI!!!!!!!! ~ U might want 2 re~ read UR ??? U've used the past tense of is..."Was the love of my life!!" if he still is the love of UR life no1 says U have 2 stay married 2 him...stay friends & try 2 let him know this is enough , U've had it, let him know that U'll be there 4 him no matter what but U can't stay married 2 him if this is how he wants 2 live his life...4 marriage is a bond between 2 persons not 1, especilly if that 1 is themselves....Its about sharing life with each other, sharing dreams, hopes, maybe having a child or 2..or so...growing "YOUNG" 2gether...not killing 1self early on in the marriage.....Ask him ~ when he's sober ~ how or what would he feel/do if the situation was/is reversed????? How would he feel if U relasped....just 6 times?????
.........hope this helps enlighten U a little.....
2006-07-23 01:32:24 · answer #2 · answered by ANGEL 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't deny yourself the right to be happy. You will find someone else and you will be much better off. Life goes by too fast to worry about someone else. Put yourself first. This is not selfish It is the only way to live. I loved my first husband like crazy. I love my second a whole lot more. And don't expect someone else to change..ever.. You are the one that has to make the change. It isn't fair to him either to say love you but I wish you were..... Fill in the blank. Time moves. People live, people love, people leave. You have to make a choice. Forget moral, forget religion, forget social. When you are ready you will make the irght decision.
2006-07-23 00:56:31 · answer #3 · answered by Jessica C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, this may hurt but listen and think about it, he is not making an effort at all, he should litsen to you about your account and try to find a job, and he needs to stop his drug addiction to. You deserve a lot more than that, I do not know you but the reason I say you deserve more is because you care about the marriage, you show that, you showed it by posting this. Give him one more chance, go to him and explain your problems with him, tell him if you have no effort in trying and if you do not make progress and find a job then I have no otherr choice beacause I deserve a lot more. I am a STRONG child of GOD and you will not go to hell hun, you were not the one who caused this, God will understand, he wants you to be happy, not to be with someone who does not make an effort for you. He loves you and he is FROGIVING. pray to him and tell him you can not take it anymore you have tried and tried and no effort comes back. In GOD, Brooke
2006-07-23 00:55:53 · answer #4 · answered by soon_to_be_young_author 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You love him. Maybe he loves you. But he's not any good for you. Move out. See if he cleans up, while watching from a bit of a distance. I think whatever form of God you worship thinks that your health and sanity is more important than your marriage vows.
2006-07-23 00:53:07 · answer #5 · answered by MOI 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a very bad place in your marriage. You are not going to "FIX" him!!! Forget that crazy idea. If he refuses to get professional help with his drug problem and counseling with you for your marriage problems, kick him to the curb as fast as you can!!!!!! Love is not about being anybody's doormat! He can't love you until he loves himself, and obviously he doesn't. And it doesn't take God or some organized religion to give you permission to take care of yourself!!!!!!!!! Get help or get out!!!!!!!!!!!! You said it all when you said "he WAS the love of my life".
2006-07-23 00:59:43 · answer #6 · answered by cheryl c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is no easy answer, but i am divorced, and i believe that it is solely between you and God. If you do what you need to do, and not for selfish reasons, than I know He will forgive you if you ask Him to. That after all, is His promise, and why He sent His only son.
2006-07-23 00:53:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ditch the loser,,,or quit bitchin your a woman who made you a door mat.....you did
2006-07-23 00:52:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋