How do you get an extremely sociable 5 year old to understand the concept of strangers?

Question

He is very friendly, outgoing, and loves talking to everyone. He thinks that if he says, "Hi," then they are friends. He is about to start kindergarten, and I worry that he would go off with anyone as long as they said hi! We've talked several times about strangers, but he just doesn't get it.

Answer 1

I had the same concern, still do for my 9 year old son. He is an only child so he is very comfortable around adults, and speaks at a level that defies his age.

I found this goofy video that helped give me ideas about situations to help describe who safe people are. And most molestations occur from someone the child knows, so the stranger danger angle is only one element to consider. I taught him the private parts bit when he was young (the parts bathing suits cover) and taught him about the stranger danger - don't fall for the "can you help me find my puppy".

This video goes nicely, without being scary, into avoiding situations with people that you don't know and "kinda know". It can be ordered at www.thesafeside.com. It was fun, wacky, and a really cool way to deal with this overly friendly child of mine in this scary world!

Good luck!

Answer 2

Amber, some kids simply don't have fears....or at least fears that will keep them safe from harms way. So what do we do as mom's? We create contracts. Thats right, contracts! I know your child is only 5 years old, but a contract can be understood in many ways, even by this age. Before he's off to school, you create this document with clip art and all sorts of stickers to spell out what you want the agreement to say. For example, the wording in this case, should include a deal or bargain: You say, this child (name) may attend his new school, with his new teacher, however, if he breaks the rules (such as talks to strangers) it may be necessary to take him out of the school until he's old enough to go back and be trusted. He has to sign this agreement as well as his parents. Two other thoughts that come to mind: One, have him "teach" the rules about strangers to another, preferabley younger child. Sometimes repeating what has already been said can reassure the parent as well as the child who needs to get the message. Two, find a school, or a library that will be addressing this issue in a group format. Seeing his peers respond in agreement with a speaker who captivates 5 year olds attention spans, might put your little boy into a "learning social" environment. In other words, he will learn by their responses, or maybe what he already has learned by his momma who obviously cares so much about him, will be reinforced! Good luck to you! And I know what you are going through! I have a 5 year old boy who has a history of actions that proves he is not afraid of anything!

Answer 3

To keep your son safe, tell him it is okay to talk to strangers when you or someone he trusts is with him. For example, you want him to be able to order food at a restaurant for himself, even though the server is a "stranger". However, if he is by himself, which hopefully he never is, then he should not talk to strangers. Go over basics, such as if he was to get lost, he can look for a worker to help him, that is, someone wearing a uniform and a name tag, or another mommy. I think the private parts is important too. Teach him to respect his own privacy, like when dressing and using the restroom, and that he also must respect others.

Answer 4

My son is also 5 and going to start kindergarten. He is also very friendly. One thing that my mom did with me and I will do it with my son is teach him that he cannot go with anyone even police officers unless they know the passcode. I have been hearing on the news in Dallas that some people are posing as police officers. Only the child and parent(s) should know the password. If you want someone to p/u your child then give them the password. Then change with password with your child and start over.

Answer 5

You could scare the crap out of him by having a friend or yours that he does not know "fake" tempt or kidnap him. They could scare him for fifteen minutes, and then bring him back so you could have a talk about strangers. It sounds extreme, but if you are really concerned - it might be worth a little trauma

Answer 6

You teach him that people are strangers UNLESS you say they are not and that it is ok to talk to them if you are there but not if you are not. You don't want a paranoid child just a safe one. Good luck. I live in a rural area where there is less worry about this but sympathize with those of you who live in more suburban areas.

Answer 7

why don't you homeschool and keep an eye on him a little longer.
5 is typically way too young for boys to leave their mommies and do well in a structured environment anyway.

he sounds delightful. i wouldn't screw up his mind with worry about strangers. you are supposed to keep him safe, not scare him into trying to stay safe.

dr. brazleton even said don't tell little kids this sick stuff about their bathing suit areas, etc. just don't.

Answer 8

you could try and work something out with a friend of yours that he may not know..have your friend go to him and talk to him..lets say at a library..you be there too by the desk..have your friend try and take your son to another part of the library....if you son calls out for you go to him if your son goes with your friened, go get your son and you must call your local mental health clinic....it will be for your son's safety. Good luck..be sure to keep a very close eye on him

Answer 9

have the talk about people not touching you under your bathing suit lines, do not get in a car with anyone you don't know, do not help find puppies, do not take candy etc. above all, don't give him the opportunity...watch him and pick him up at school. I did this with my kids. It was hard but do-able.

Answer 10

Buy a stranger Danger DVD and have a talk about weirdos.