I was asked 3 mos ago to escort my neighbor to her daughter's wedding at a United Methodist Church. I have known the family about 5 years and the Mom - so I accepted. The Mom has been divorced for 19 years, and I am not involved with the Mom - simply a friend. The day of the wedding, in fact 65 minutes before the event, I received a text message from the Mom saying there was change of plans, and that her two sons were to escort her to the pew, but that I could walk behind them. I wrote back and said that wasn't acceptable. I choose not to attend. Subsequent to the event, the Mom claims that her daughter, the son in law - or the son in laws family had no say in the matter, but that the ministers wife said it was not customary for a friend to escort the Mom. The Mom is irritated with me for "not supporting her" on her daughter's wedding day - but I say "sorry, my committment was to escort you." Personally, I have never heard of such a thing. Any takers?
2006-07-22 16:46:07 · 17 answers · asked by Orca 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Why would the mother NEED to be escorted in the first place?
What happens when you're a widow?
If she WANTED an escort SHE can invite someone to be so, HERSELF......
I could just see my mother being forced to be accompanied at
my wedding... (She was a widow...)
My mother would either show up on her own or simply not attend at all...
If a person cannot be respected in their own choice, what kind
of religion would that be?
Knowing my mother she would have simply changed religion...
Sorry, for the Methodist....
2006-07-22 17:58:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The minister's wife was absolutely wrong and someone should take her and the minister to task for it. It's absolutely none of their business if the mother wanted to be escorted to her seat by a drag queen.
Please don't be too hard on the mother or her kids. They found out an hour before the wedding that some nut job who had the power to stop her husband or at least make a huge spectacle was at play and probably had no idea what to do. Yes, she should have put her foot down and had you escort her, but one hour before the biggest day in her daughter's life doesn't leave a lot of time for clear thinking.
Chalk it up to a nosy busy body with nothing else to do and a nervous mom who just wanted her daughter's day to go well. I hope you both get past this. It would be a shame to let a five year friendship go down the drain because a minister's wife was on a power trip. Good luck.
2006-07-22 17:23:54 · answer #2 · answered by stseukn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What ever happened to a rehearsal?? Maybe that would have helped??
You should have gone to the wedding just to be there for your friend and her daughter. However, it does sound a bit ridiculous for you to have had to walk in behind the mother and her two sons. What the point in that?!?! And I understand that you were probably peeved that she just sent you a text message instead of calling. However, I stand firm in my opinion that you should apologize for not attending the wedding at all. Your "commitment" should have been to be a good friend, not to be an escort.
My mother has been divorced for 10 years and I will be getting married in a year. I can tell you if my mother's escort ever acted like that on my wedding day I would be disgusted, not to mention irrate with the SOB.
That said...No, I don't believe the minister or the minister's wife should be able to tell a bride of the mother of the bride how to conduct their wedding. It's not her wedding. What does she care?
2006-07-22 17:35:13 · answer #3 · answered by Beth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your disappointment, but I am more baffled that you didn't go to the wedding. And that you are makiing such a big deal over it.
It really doesn't matter who made the change, but it is possible that someone suggested the change of plans.
In the sceme of the universe was it so important for you to swallow your disappointment and go with the flow. If every human acted out on their disappointments can you imagine how disconnected the world would be?
Our lives are full of disappintments and let downs. Others will and do fail us. There are times we have to let something slide off our backs and just swallow our pride for the better of a situation.
A wedding is all about who is getting married. It was very nice for you to agree to walk your friend down the isle but obvious somene said, 'what if you have your son's esscort you" and everyone said...."oh that would be nice"
it is a minor detail compared to the troubles of the world.
You are blowing this way out of perportion.Is it worth all the stress you will go through with your neighbors over the years.
There have been people who have swallowed a bigger pill and have surrived worse things.
If the issues is brought up again, just say. "it's ok, I am over it, the important thing is that it was a good day for your daughter. I really should of been there"
What is your other option? Neighborhood tension.
.
2006-07-22 17:23:47 · answer #4 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. I personally believe that the mother had the right to choose her escort. On the other hand, mothers are customarily escorted by a family member.
Mom "caved" under pressure to keep up appearances. I understand your disappointment, but if I were you, I'd take the high road and put it behind me. It's not worth losing a friendship over.
2006-07-22 16:53:34 · answer #5 · answered by freedomnow1950 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but to let you know an hour before the start of the ceremony was tacky. They all had to have known this at least the day before at the rehearsal. Every detail is gone through, and practiced over and over. I don't blame you for being irritated.
2006-07-22 19:10:01 · answer #6 · answered by mightymite1957 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
neither have i thats becomming a problem with todays churches the minister wife wants to run the church the minister is the head as far as the mom it was her daughters wedding she should have spoke up
2006-07-22 16:53:00 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No way, it just can't be! I think they said something to her about evening things out with a male escort but she just agreed rather than confront anyone, ya know?
I don't think you should let your relationship with the family fall apart over this but you should tell them you were very hurt and offended...write a letter and edit it over and over until you get a clean yet poignant letter to her, establishing your pain.
I'm sorry sweetie!
2006-07-22 18:45:12 · answer #8 · answered by pixiebdg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not up to you to criticize someone else's wedding. Yeah, it was crappy of them to tell you that you're not needed an hour before the wedding, but it's their choice to do so. You sound self-centered - it's not your day, it's the family's/bride's day and they have enough drama going on otherwise - why did you decide to contribute to it?
2006-07-22 17:16:46 · answer #9 · answered by slinkey_1616 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have found out through searching for a church to marry in that the pastors can pretty much make any ridiculous rule they want to and you have to abide if you want them to do your wedding. It is always up to the pastor/priest/rev. to decide if they will marry someone...so you can combat what they ask of you but if you want them to marry you, you pretty much have to stick with what they want. It sucks and is ridiculous...but that is how it works from what I have seen.
2006-07-22 17:20:33 · answer #10 · answered by pinkslippers00 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋