my children's father is an idiot and i need advice...?

Question

i have 2 kids with this guy. i feel like i have bent over backward for him. he begged me to abort our son and i said no, so he treated me like garbage the whole time i was pregnant, but i was determined to make out realtionship work. i got pregnant with our daughter and he begged me to abort her too. he even offered to marry me if i did!! what is wrong with him?? he thinks all i am intersted in is his money, but am i wrong to want him to be there for them and help financially also? he blames me everytime i get pregnant and complains i wasn't on birth control, but shaked it off when i said he didn't offer to wear a condom and didn't bother pulling out. getting pregnant with our daughter was his selfish act, not to say i had nothing to do with it, but he didn't want another baby and he didn't pull out. i feel like i am doing my part by raising and loving these kids but all he does is complain about everything and make me feel bad about the way i live. we've been together 6 yrs.

i was on welfare for the first year of my son's life so he could save money for US to move out and he moved by himself. he expected me to wait a year to do child support again with our daughter, and i am glad it was filed for me by our medicaid worker because i didn't know how i was going to break it to him that i wasnt waiting again and screwing our children over. i have an electric bill and rent to pay. he was wanting to pay off his car first. i just feel like he should have thought about it when he was having sex with me a year ago. she is almost 3 months old and he only gives me like $20 a week aside from the ordered support for our son. he isn't consistant about it either and acts annoyed when i ask him if he has any money so i can take the kids to the newport aquarium or because i need gas or clothes for the kids. i had to take them to get the cheap package at walmart because i was so broke this week.

i think you're right, i already know what to do. i do remember mostly bad. everytime i am going to just leave him he does something really nice and i forget all about it. sometimes i think i am crazy and think it isn't as bad as i make it to be, but right now i can't take it anymore. my son asked me to call daddy because he was mad at him. so i called and put it on speaker phone and he told him "daddy i tell mommy call you so i can tell you that i'm mad at you because you don't come play with me now." it broke my heart that he thinks his daddy doesn't want to play with him anymore. it's always the last straw. it's like he thinks i am just going to sit here and wait forever for him.

we don't live together and i refuse to sleep with him...the rest of the drama is too much to list on here, but i do know i need to leave him...i just don't know how. i want my kids to have a father...

Answer 1

honey, enough is enough. he sounds like a loser. sorry to be blunt, but, that's as real as it gets.

i don't know all of your details, aside from what all you wrote... but perhaps you feel as if you are "stuck" -- as in, you have to have this guy in your life to make anything work. girl, you have done well so far, and if he's been "Abort" since day 1 -- is he really concerned about the well-being of this family?

it is not easy. it is not all fun. but you CAN make it work without him. fight for child support. it will cost you for dna testing, unless he admitted to being the father when you gave birth. but the money would help you tremendously. don't rely on his payments for everything. if all that happens and he ducks out of payments - you are stuck, again. see what you can do to make ends meet without him - period. any money that he does pay - put in savings. live as if he's not paying it. that way if he does duck out one day, you'll have a nest egg to fall back on. if he NEVER pays anything, continue to fight it, if you can, and work your hiney off in the meantime. it sucks to miss time with your children. but be open and communicate with them that it is important that you provide the best for them and that requires that you work for money and that money is what provides them the roof over their heads, food, clothes, etc. children are often very bright and understand more than adults give them credit for. when you are with them, love them. love them hard. love them well. it will make them better people when they grow up. and hopefully they will not repeat the cycle of neglect their father has done.

you are ok. these things happen. that is life. roll with the punches. you are not alone. many women endure the very same thing.

only based on what you've said... this guy has no interest in the family unit. do you really want that type guy to be around your children? a "father figure?" he will hopefully one day realize how wrong he is... in the meantime, move on. you are getting nothing from him except more babies. good sex is good sex. but you have more to worry about now. your children are more important than a ****. put them first, yourself second, and a man third. the rest will fall into place. prioritize your life.

best of luck. and remember, if times get tough, there are community help centers and government outreach programs to help women in need with families. do your research. you don't have to rely on this non-father to help you in any way.

Answer 2

Congratulations. You've figured out that the father of your 2 children is an idiot. He has no desire to raise a family, (wanted to abort both children), blames you for getting pregnant, (where exactly was his johnson?), and complains about everything and makes you feel bad about the way you live. Should you feel bad about the way you live? That depends. Are you a responsible person? Don't sleep around and squander money? Get drunk all the time?
That doesn't sound like you, judging by the tone of your question. You do sound like a responsible person trying to do the best for her kids. Unfortunately, you're also trying to change your man into a responsible partner, and I don't think he's too motivated to become one.
Tell him get a vasectomy or you'll leave him. Then pursue child support. If he thinks you're only after his money, show him what that's all about. He'll change his tune in a hurry.
As it is, what is he contributing to your family's well being? Mostly confusion and grief, it sounds like. Don't allow him to be irresponsible. But don't keep chasing rainbows either. It may be time to send him packing and get somebody new in your life who appreciates all that you do.

Answer 3

Why do women ask questions that they know the answer to? Come on, be real, you have two kids, time for you to grow up before you subject a third one to your drama. You can't run around doing the wrong thing with the wrong person and ever expect it to work out. You need to just work and take care of your kids and be a mom. You can't change him, you never will, you can only change yourself. You are being selfish by subjecting your children to a man that doesn't want them. And don't think for a second that your children do not know what is going on. If you think that, than you are fooling yourself. One day, your kids will grow up and ask you why you continued to live with or be with such a jerk. Why did you put us in that situation mom? Why did we have to listen to the fights, MOM. Why didn't you keep us safe from this emotional torture, MOM? Didn't you love us, MOM? Why was this man's penis more important that us, MOM?

But hey, go ahead and find out on your own.

Answer 4

Well, he has made it pretty plain what he thinks- every time he tells you to abort your baby, treats you like garbage, etc. You can't just feel good about the good things he does and ignore the rest, because the rest, no matter how bad, is also a part of him. It will not change unless HE CHANGES IT... and you can't make him do that.

You need to decide what is important to you, and ask what is important to him. It doesn't matter what you or he says if he can't support you and you can't support him- if you can't, the relationship needs to end. You need to respect each other. If not, you are setting yourself up because you already know how each of you feels, and that won't change unless YOU BOTH change.

I am not saying he is worthless, I am not saying its your fault. You need to be honest with each other, and if you find that you can't support and respect each other, BOTH OF YOU, than it should end.

Remember, When things get heated or you discuss a touchy issue, things can be said by both of you that hurt the other, even if they are not meant. WHat matters is that you go back, help each other realize that it is hurting each other, and work to change that, without making accusations.

If he can't handle it, than you should go, because if someone REALLY LOVES YOU they WILL do anything to make it right.
If you ever question that, ask yourself this-
"Would I do that to someone I love?" and that should put it in perspective.

Good Luck to you...

Answer 5

Well, it takes two to tango, if you know what I mean. You are both responsible for your children.
If this guy didn't want them in the first place, and acts now like they are a pain, and so are you for that matter....then do you and your kids a favor and leave him. Yes, it is ideal for a child to have both parents..but when one of them will wreck the child's emotional health..it's best to bite the bullet and move on. Chances are you will find someoe better for you...and better for your kids too. You don't want them growing up thinking they were unwanted, or are an inconvenience...think of the issues they will have as an adult. Your guy sounds like an immature control freak...and I know you have a lot of baggage with him...think about the last six years...do you mostly think of good things? or bad? If you answer the latter....start packing. Good luck...you all deserve someone better.

Answer 6

First things first. This man is a user and a loser. If you continue to let him control you he will continue to control you. Learn the word no and use it around him. He doesn't love you. And he doesn't want you. Tell yourself what you need to, but it's the truth. This is coming from a very long and very hard learned lesson.
My ex convinced me to put a stop on the court ordered support and then ended up in jail. I have 7 year old twins and I have not received a dime from their dad in 4 years.
I loved that guy so much that I did almost anything he wanted me to do. He would come around when he wanted and leave when he was done. I cried too many nights, lost too many other good guys and ended up suffering before I finally got my **** together.
You need to decide if it is your kids or your man. That's the bottom line. He will use them to get to you. And it will only work as long as you let it.

Answer 7

You should go around to high schools and tell everyone about your pathetic life. You live with a guy that doesn't care for you. You have sex like an animal would and get pregnant...you are a breeder, nothing more. Now you want money from him and he won't give it to you. You've made a bed for yourself. You might as well be a prostitute. Help other people learn from your mistakes and for them not to become a Loser like you. The kids would be better off in foster care!

Answer 8

YOU BOTH NEED TO GROW UP...but without each other!
Where do you live, do you live in alberta?
I do, having the same kinda same issue, like my bf thinks I am with him for his money!
Leave him and move on, you WILL be better off, and dont believe the insecurities that come out of his mouth like "you will never find a guy like me" or" who wants a womenwith 2 kids" Lots of men dont mind, but remember I said men, like over 35!
I wish you the best of luck!
Plus you are a good person because you didnt abort (murder) your baby, this man is a devil!

Answer 9

girl i know exactly what you are going through i have a 5 year old and his dad has done nothing he only acts like he wants in his life to try to get me back then i just found out i'm preg again with another jack@ss this guy has no other kids and he's 26 so you think he would be happy that i'm preg but he just says he don't wanna talk about it and at first he was telling me i should get an abortion but i exploded thats out of the question but i got news for him i can't force him to see his baby but the good ol state of ohio can force his @ss to pay child support or sit in jail whichever he prefers i am so sick of these deadbeats they get us knocked up and just expect us to deal with it well i'm not and you shouldn't either so rake his @ss for support and move on who cares about his needs put your kids first they are helpless and defenseless good luck and wish me luck also

Answer 10

Sweetheart, divorce him. He is an asshole and you should not let him break your little children hearts. They will grow and have a very disturbing life if you keep on living with that man. Take care and good luck. You are a woman and deserve respect. Don't be scared. Just listen to what is best for your kids.