My 9 year old son does not know that his father is not his biological father;should we tell him?

Question

This is a serious question. Please do not judge. My husband was there at his birth and has raised him as if he were his own blood. We don't know if or when we should tell him. Anybody can make a baby but it takes a special person to be a father. Any thoughts?

Answer 1

Yes, a child should always know their true biological parentage. He will always feel that your husband is his father but he still needs to know that his birth father is someone different. You also never know what health issues may arise later in life that will necessitate the knowledge that he is not of your husband's DNA.

We have faced this but in a different way. Our oldest is adopted....so he knows that while my husband and I are his parents, he also has "birth parents:. We have told him from the time he was a toddler. He has no desire to even meet his birth parents but I think that is because we have always been honest with him and answered all his questions to the best of our abilities.

Answer 2

I think you should wait until a time where it is just you and your child alone so you can talk. Also i think that he should be older. Not to old to where he thinks you have been hiding information, but old enough to understand and take it seriously. Just becuase his biological dad is not there to be his father does not mean that the man you are married to now cant be a better father. Just becuase he was there in the process of making your son doenst make him a father. I agree with you. Anyone can be a dad but it takes a special someone to be a daddy. Is this man a good father? Then i would talk to your son later on and never look back :)

Answer 3

I would. You don't want is biological father showing up one day and saying "Hi, I am your father." or a family member could let it slip out by mistake when they have been drinking. Explain to your son exactly what you wrote here. Anybody can make a baby but it takes a special person to be a father.

Answer 4

As the "Father" of a beautiful young woman who I was not the biological father of. I can say that your son has a good man in his life to accept him as his own and to raise him as his own. By all meanshe needs to know but when to tell him is up to you and your Husband. When you Finally decide to tell him you need to tell him and not push him to accept it just let him accept that their was another man who was their when he was conceived and that the Man who he Knows as his father is his Father. I have a better way of see ing you last statement. Anyone can be a father or even a mother but it takes special people to be a Dad or A Mom.

Answer 5

Personally, I think you should tell him. I'm adopted, and I don't ever remember NOT knowing. I think you might tell them younger, and they are more likely to be accepting (children usually are), but if they grow up thinking they are your biological child, then they might be put off and think you 'lied' to them. ((Do you teach your children that they can also lie by NOT telling you something? I don't know.. but some kids might have that mentality.))

I understand about the father thing. My father was the man who raised me. At 9 I imagine it being a shock... him being older it might be more of a shock? But maybe he will be more mature. I'll just say I was young when I was told (I don't even remember when--- So I'm assuming I was told before I understood words, or at 3 or 4 years)) and I"m happy.

But, if he wants to find out about his biological father, don't take it as an insult. It's just curiosity. (I think my dad was a little scared/sad when I wanted to know about my biological parents.)

Just something to think about. Good luck with whatever decision you make! : )

Answer 6

I think you should tell him at some point, but be cautious as to when. Realize that this could be a huge upheaval for all of you. It could also just be a 'oh okay' sort of situation. I would decide if your son is mature enough to handle it. Also, take into consideration your son may want to contact his biological father. Be ready to answer what maybe some difficult questions as well.

Answer 7

I wouldn't say anything unless he asks, Or the real father comes into play would be the only other way I would say anything. My 9 year old son didn't know that his step dad wasn't his real dad until he started asking questions like I don't look like him so we sat him down and talked to him about it. But he looked at both of us and said any man can be a father but it takes one hell of a man to be a dad and I love you dad and has never brought it up again. In my sons eyes his step dad is his real father nothing more nothing less and they love each other.

Answer 8

Your husband is his father, a sperm donor does not make a father. The man that there when he hurts his knee, when he wakes up it the middle of the night because he wet his pants, the man thats there to hold him when he has a bad dream , to throw the ball with, show him how to drive, the man who will give him advice on girls and friends, That what makes a father!! Your son does not need to know any different.

Answer 9

Most definitely, you should tell your son the truth. It is so important to always be honest with your children. Once they realize that you have lied to them, they will always doubt what you say. Children need to know that they can rely on their parents for all their needs. Honesty is a serious need. Somewhere along the line he will find out that your husband is not his biological father. Isn't it better that both of you tell him first?

Answer 10

Truth is your friend. You are very right that it takes a special person to raise a child. But, someday, your son will need to know, have a right to know, and it will be much less a shock earlier rather than later. It doesn't need to be a big deal when you tell him. You can deal with a small problem now or a bigger one later.