The thing is, me and my girlfriend have been dating for four months and we are very much in love. However, we hid it from her mom because we knew about her mom's race issue. After two months, we decided to try to tell her mom that we wanted to start dating, not that we were dating, but she flipped a lid at even the thought of us starting to date. She has a bit of a racial purity issue. Now, as of yesterday, she knows we have been dating. Lord knows what will happen now. Me and my girlfriend really want to stay together. We are both 19. She still lives with her parents. Her parents are getting a divorce, and she will probably live with her dad, who supports our multicultural relationship. I am half hispanic/half white, she is full white. How do you think we should get the message to her mom that my girlfriend is going to stay with me and there is nothing she can do about it? Perhaps offer an ultimatum? Because we want her mom to realize that she can't have one without the other.
2006-07-22 15:48:42 · 13 answers · asked by jlnajera 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The ultimatum that my girlfriend suggested: "Mother, you need to get over your racist beliefs and change your ways and let me be happy with this man, or our mother-daughter relationship will be in jeopardy. If you accept him, everything will be fine between us, but if you don't, I will still love you as my mother, but I can't promise more that that. Choose me, or your racism. What do you love more, me or racism? Out of me or racism, which one do you want to be out of your life first?"
2006-07-22 15:51:55 · update #1
Do not issue any ultimatums. Just continue with your plans, & be polite and conscientious with her mother. Over time she may soften her attitude, or she may not, but do not be the ones who burn the bridges. If she has rigid views she will need time and space to change them. This will not happen overnight.
2006-07-22 15:53:58 · answer #1 · answered by suzanne 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Invite her mother out to dinner, just the two of you so that she can get to know you. Racism is ignorance and ignorance is not knowing. If you spend some time with her mother she may understand you and your love for her daughter a little better. If she doesn't at least you tried...her loss will be your gain. Just don't stoop to her level and become racist yourself. Chances are Mom isn't as racist as she seems, right now she's going through a divorce and she's bitter. Misery loves company. She's unhappy and wants you two to be unhappy as well.
Just remember that love conquers all. And...no ultimatums please. Forcing someone to make a choice between their children and their beliefs is unfair. Do unto others...ever heard of that one? It'll come back to bite you in the *** in the end. Good luck and lots of love to you all. I'll say a prayer for you tonight.
2006-07-22 23:01:31 · answer #2 · answered by gmommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's tricky because she still lives with her rmother. You should definitely respect your parents, especially while living under their roof, but at some point you have to lead your own life, and your parents don't get a say in how you do that.
I'd have the daughter go to talk with her mother about it in love, and try and talk it out. Just have a very open and honest conversation. I realize this is easier said than done. Worst case, ya'll just deal with her until your girlfriend moves out of her mother's house.
Only use an ultimatum unless you want to alienate her mother and push her further away... that's all ultimatums are good for.
2006-07-22 22:59:52 · answer #3 · answered by A Tiger in Athens 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is really nothing you can do to change her mind. Some people have been raised to have "issues" about interacial couple/ or relationships. (I should know I have been there done that) my best advise to you and your girlfriend, if the LOVE is truely there and she is willing to make the choice between you or her mother then the both of you should just continue to build your love and let the mother see that the love is there between the two of you. The mother will either except it or she won't .
2006-07-22 22:52:53 · answer #4 · answered by tweeterbird73 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ultimatiums backfire! they are very dangerous becareful. dont plot against her mother with her, it could possibly make her resent you later - and what if you two break up later?! (then she has to go crawling back to her mother) I'd say stay out of it, completely out of it. dont insult her mother, respect her. her mother is ignorant but has raised her all these years and when someone is ignorant like that it takes time to get over it! You knew she had an issue. Support your girlfriend, be there for her, but dont be part of a decision that makes her lose her mom - cause no matter what happeneds in the world you always have your mommy! anyways when you're around her mom just thicken your skin, dont let her get to you and take over your relationship with drama. anything her mother says, just let it roll right off your back -you got it! stay with your girlfriend, support her, stay out of what's between her and her mother and hopefully move on with your gf!
2006-07-22 22:59:26 · answer #5 · answered by smartynikki 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just sit her down and tell her that no matter what she wants for her daughter, she's gonna do what she wants. "I can teach you everything under the sun, but I can't be a man for you. You have to do that on your own" --T.I. ATL haha. yeah. I know it's a quote from a movie, but it's true. She can tell her daughter time and time again what she wants for her, but only her daughter knows what she wants and what she'll do to get it. She'll just have to get over the fact that her baby is grown. <3.
2006-07-22 22:54:50 · answer #6 · answered by country_comfort16 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately there are people out there that cannot see through the color of someones skin,some people are just set in their ways.Let your g-friend talk to her and let her know how much you care about her.if you care enough about your girl you'll let her mother slide right off your shoulder.Good Luck!
2006-07-22 22:54:04 · answer #7 · answered by nani 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
either rationaly talk to her and get her out of her little bubble or do like romeo and juliette (except the dying part) or just keep dating who cares man at this point in life people should know there is only 1 race : HUMANS!!
2006-07-22 22:52:26 · answer #8 · answered by Snow surfer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't even worry about what she thinks. You told her you guys were together and she can either learn to like it and get over it or just not like it and lose her daughter...It's her choice. There is nothing you can do.
2006-07-22 22:52:19 · answer #9 · answered by Truth Hurts 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
XXXXXXXXX her parents relationship is proof that just because you are of the same race doen't mean your marriage will last. My husband and I have been married 13 years and as far as we are concerned it's til death due us part. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
2006-07-22 22:53:53 · answer #10 · answered by asoldierswife 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋