I have done the therapy thing for a long time on & off, read every freaking book known to man on the subject of relationships. There have been times I have cut it off for a while. When I break it off, he eventually comes back around and I sooner or later give in to him, because the reality is, is that I do care very much for him, have known him for a long time and love him very much. He will only let me get so close. Oh & did I mention the drinking problem, the lying, and the cheating? I realize I have serious issues to be caught up in this drama. There have been times I have been able to pull myself out of it, not so much latley though.
2006-07-22 15:40:59 · 23 answers · asked by lynn 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
XXXXXXXXXXXXX how many times do you want to be kicked before you get up and go. RUN FOREST RUNNNNNN!!!!!!!
2006-07-22 15:43:49 · answer #1 · answered by asoldierswife 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The reality is that you are in love with the ILLUSION of him being great. He's not, and you admit that. You need to realize that it's not just "drama". This isn't just a little rough patch that you can get through. The therapy thing apparently hasn't gotten to the core of why you believe this is OK or good enough to go back to. He is an abuser. Yes, he will be charming and persuasive enough to convince you he's really sorry and this time it'll be good. That's his loose screw. But yours is in believing him and going back. Respect yourself, you are worth more than he will ever be able to give you. Break from him and turn your back. No "just being friends". The relationship is toxic enough to you that you can't be friends yet, and maybe never. Get back in therapy if you need to and put your life in a direction OTHER than right back to him. Good Luck!
2006-07-22 15:53:28 · answer #2 · answered by peachyone 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really understand your situation. I was dating a correction officer and at first everything seemed good, then his true nature started to come out. He would yell at me for no reason....if i went to the bathroom he would time how long i was in there and get angry if I seemed to take too long. One night I went over and he was so drunk he couldn't walk. Later he started an argument and then threatened to get his gun and kill himself. He would get many phone calls and he never answered the phone in front of me. He would grab the phone and go into the other room. He was paranoid and talked to me like I was one of the prisoners he worked around. Sometimes he could be very sweet and my heart would be happy and full of love for him, but I soon made up my mind I no longer wanted to be in that type of relationship. I deserved better and I knew I had to cut off the relationship and just be strong. He would call and beg me nicely to come back and when i would refuse he would turn real nasty and slam down the phone , only to call again and act like a brand new person. You need to break it off and stay away from him. His emotional state sounds unstable and soon that will affect yours. I know it is hard , but you deserve to be treated better and life is too short for the drama. Move out, change your number and do what you must to be free. I will pray God gives you the strength to do it and not go back. Good luck.
2006-07-22 15:55:25 · answer #3 · answered by softlyinspired 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend w/ a similar problem.. and what i told her was that she's just to nice of a person.. that sometimes she just cares about other people never about herself.. and I'm not saying you should just be thinking of "only you" because that's the thing... you have to think about yourself "sometimes" because once you discover how GREAT of a person you are.. you'll come to realize that you deserve much BETTER!! So get to know yourself.. what you like and what you love.. then just find some one who likes and loves the same things about you as you do...Good Luck!!
2006-07-22 15:47:55 · answer #4 · answered by smartstuff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be able to love him for him and he needs to love you as much as you love him. If he truly loves you, he wouldnt cheat. If he truly loves you, he wouldnt drink if it bothers you.
I know my boyfriend stopped drinking becuase i gave him quite a scolding when we were friends. He hasnt touched a drop since.
But besides that, you need a man who is willing to put in as much as you are giving him.
In a sense, your the one in control. You can leave him, move on, and hes the one whos gonna wanna come back to you. And you'll see, that there are other fish in the sea. And once you move on, you'll realize that you deserve better. Someone out there is waiting to spoil and love you. Hard part is finding him. lol
You just need to distance yourself from him, and keep your eyes open for Mr. Right.
2006-07-22 15:49:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
(said with concern) Are you a glutton for punishment? You love him(you will always care about him and want to help him he will always have these issues if he does not decide to change and taking in the fact whether he loves you enough or not to stop is a whole other issue especially if you are always there for him) ..OK fine.... but love is true and it hurts....be TRUE to yourself and him...you need to leave him....it will HURT but you and him but did you ever think you both will be better off eventually!
2006-07-22 15:49:00 · answer #6 · answered by Rain S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that feeling may never go away. You may always want to be with him, but try to realize that no matter what you do, you can never change him. Please try to do what you have done in the past to "pull yourself out of it". You've done it before, you can do it again. Remember, you are very important and deserve respect. Good luck. I'll be thinking of you.
2006-07-22 16:02:47 · answer #7 · answered by christa s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Neither of you are perfect. Not saying that you should keep going back to him, but you should tell him exactly how you feel. Talk to him. Let him know that some of the things that he does, you don't want to put up with.
2006-07-22 15:45:17 · answer #8 · answered by bg2somalts 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like u like being a doormat. If u truly love your self , then get rid of him forever & find someone who is sober & loves u.Only u canbreak this cycle of abuse. If u do not make a clean break then what happens to u will be your fault, It is up to you//
2006-07-22 15:57:32 · answer #9 · answered by BUTCH 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you don't need to be in that kind of relationship, its not healthy for you. you need to move on. hes not going to change, you are a strong person. and you can do it again. love is blind when it comes to drinking, lying, cheating. you need to put a lid on it. and get out. he not worth it. he's a pig.
2006-07-22 15:54:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said you really do care for him but how much do you care about yourself? You need to see a different therapist the one you have is doing a p*** poor job.
2006-07-22 15:45:16 · answer #11 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋