My husband wants me to have an abortion.?

Question

I am married, 37 and have 2 children. Recently, I have become pregnant, accidentally. Our first two labor and deliverys were agonizing. Both were c-sections, one was an emergency. My daughter suffered a damaged eye. My son was in the NICU for 4 days. Now 11 and 9 they are happy, healthy kids. My husband was very traumatized by these events and vowed after our second child that that was IT. No more kids! So this pregnancy has come as a huge surprise. Although I didn't want any more kids, I feel that we could manage a 3rd. My husband on the other hand is adament about not having a 3rd and has asked me to have an abortion. He feels that the pregnancy and all the worries that go with it (possible birth defects, etc) will put him over the edge. If he goes down we all go down as he puts it. I am confused and could use some advice. I don't think I can go through with an abortion. But I don't want to jeopordize my family either.

Answer 1

An abortion would be hard to go through, I think. Personally, I'm pro-choice, but it's not MY choice, you know?

If you want the child, and your husband fears what the child will bring health wise, it's good to listen and talk, but remember- your body, your baby.

If you two don't agree, there WILL be resentment down the road, no matter which path you choose. You might be best off going to a doctor first and trying to figure out what sort of problems a pregnancy might cause you and the baby after the past two.

There are leaps and bounds all the time in the medical community, so perhaps what happened before is something that won't have to happen this time.

Answer 2

I am no expert on these types of situations.

And, I am not trying to say that your husband's feelings don't matter, or that the situation is not incredibly hard on him.

But, isn't the reason he cites for an abortion just a little bit selfish? He does not want the stress of another child birth, so he is willing to stop a person from happening (even though he was ready to have intercourse with all of the responsibilities that can come from it).

For his feelings he is willing to forbid a human to be born.

I think that is an action he will regret for the rest of his life, once the initial emotions settle down.

Now, you made it seem like the third child could be financially and emotionally supported. If you can afford to have a third child, you have the energy to have a child, and you are pregnant... I don't really think there is any question. You made a decision to have sex, whether protected or not, and now you are pregnant. Either stand strong and face the responsibility that is developing into a human life, or back down and regret it. I highly doubt that once the child is born and you look into his or her eyes you will regret going through the emotional anxiety with your husband. If you both approach the issue with love and kindness, it will only make you closer and more prepared for the child. If the child is born with a defect of some type, you are capable of loving them just the same, correct? They are still just as valid as your child, right? And if they are born healthy, what was there to worry about? If some complication happens and for some reason they do not make it, it was fate. At least in that scenario, you guys did not end it without giving it a chance.

You said your other two kids are healthy. Now, if you had had two stillbirths or miscarriages, that would be different.

Look, everything I have just said... think about it and realize that I am only a stranger. This is really up to you and your husband. Make a decision together- the last thing you want to do is let this tear you two apart. But, as a secondary goal, don't let worries get in the way of a miracle.

Good luck, God bless.

Answer 3

Ultimately, the decision is yours! You are the one who will carry the baby, go through delivery and do most of the care for the baby. If your husband was so sure he didn't want more children, he should have had a vasectomy. I suggest he get one now so that there is no further worry over another pregnancy. Since the baby was a surprise, I think the baby was meant to be. This baby will be a joy.

If your husband is adamant and you are going to give in to him, see if you can reach a compromise..that you will have the baby but give it up for adoption...make it clear that you don't want an abortion. It buys time as once the baby is born and your husband sees it is normal, he may change his mind about not keeping it.

I can tell you don't want the abortion and, if you have it, I think you will have guilt the rest of your life. The question is, can you live with that guilt and the feelings of loss? Answering that question will help you make your decision. Good luck!

Answer 4

The unborn baby is already part of your family. To ask you to kill it and live with the guilt is wrong. Can you look at one of the 2 you have and immagine what it would be like to have aborted one. If your doctor thinks you can do it I'd go with the medical professional . I had 2 bad pregnancies and 2 difficult deliveries. Our 2nd was in the NICU for 28 days and almost died. We said no more kids after that but God had other plans and so we now have 3. The pregnancy wasn't a walk in the park but I managed. I had to have a C section but at least she made it to term. Katie is now 3 and I feel like she completed our family. We do not always know what God's plans are for us but sometimes we just have to trust that things will be okay and if they aren't then you stick together and lean on each other. I had a tubal ligation after Katie b/c my doctor felt it would be best if I didn't risk my health or any future babies. I am still glad we had her and I can not immagine our lives with out her.

Answer 5

Personally, I don't believe in abortions. It's murder, and if you didn't want a baby, I'm sorry, but you could've been more careful. If you choose to get an abortion, you are taking away a life that could have been... Why would you want to do that? The more kids you have, the better, right? They are blessings, not curses, so why would you want kill them, you get me? Don't let your husband force you to do something you don't want to do... It is YOUR body. Have your baby, you'll be sooo happy to see what that child can be... I saw some pictures of real abortions, and it was one of the worse things I've ever seen. For some reason, I didn't think they looked like dead babies, but they did. It was very gruesome, and I think it should be illegal. One day, people are going to look back at America today, and think "How the hell could they kill babie?", just like we think about stuff people did a long time ago. I guarantee you do not want to go through the pain of an abortion, and I am glad to see that you care enough about your family to ask this... Good luck, and don't let anything else think for you. Use your heart...

Remember, it's God's decision who should live and who should die at what time, not any man's decision. Harsh as it is, abortion is legalized murder..

Answer 6

I have had an abortion. DON"T DO IT!!!!! I wanted my baby and let others talk me into thinking it was 'for the best' to abort. If you want that baby, don't let anyone tell you to abort! If you do, your marriage will fall apart anyway because you will have a grudge against him for 'making' you lose your baby. I still have nightmares and it's been almost seven years. I now have a two year old boy and another on the way, and think everyday of how that first child would have looked, acted, smiled...and soo much more. I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself. Seek marriage counselling to help your hubby cope and be supportive. After this one, get a tubal ligation and have him get a vasectomy. Although sometimes a pregnancy can occur after one of these procedures, it is pretty darn close to impossible to get pregnant after both. Good luck to you sweetie. I hope all works out for you. And if you need to talk, just let me know. I've been there too.

Answer 7

It's a sad thing that this sort of "decision" is even necessary. It isn't like picking out a new car or what color of drapes to put in the living room. This is the life of human beings!! I say that plural because 5 lives will be affected by this, not just 1. I don't know whether your present children know about this or not, but just think how vulnerable they would feel if they did. Knowing that their parents might have considered getting rid of them before they were born? Perhaps thinking they were too much of a risk, or an emotional burden?

I think this is a horrible thing for your husband to ask/demand of you. I don't blame him for being afraid, or nervous, or whatever, but to insist that you, and you alone, go through such a procedure is deplorable! It isn't as if he is asking you to dye your hair a new color...he wants you to take the entire "blame" for the "surprise" that the both of you produced. If something like this is going to make him "go down"...how would he react if you got terminal cancer, or you became paralyzed?? Would he stand up and be a man and take care of his responsibilities or would he run away from the problem? How dedicated to this relationship is he, anyway?

Answer 8

It is not up to your husband it is up to you and if you can live with taking a childs life and your husband is aware that abortion can be very harmful to you such as killing you?

My mothers first two pregnancies were a nightmare but her 3rd went very smoothly...

Your husband needs to stop looking at this as a bad thing because you never know, everything could be 100% fine and you may end up having the baby naturally.

If you and your husband feel as if you can not care for a child then do open adoption so you know the child is being took care of and being treated right. It is better then making a mistake that you will have to live with for life

Answer 9

Follow your heart. The baby is inside of your body, so I say go for it. Don't put yourself thru the guilt of an abortion.
I feel like your husband has another motive and he is lying to you. Is your marriage on solid ground? Are you having financial problems? Are you sure your husband is not having an extra marital affair?
I am not trying to freak you out or anything, but he sounds so suspicious. Who in their right mind would not want a child which is already growing in your womb. He just sounds so cold and calculating.
I had very difficult pregnancies and emergency c sections and raised 2 kids alone after my husband took off and had an affair. If I found out I were pregnant tommorrow, it would not prevent me from having another child. I am also very pro abortion under the right circumstances, but this is not one of them circumstances.
He is a flake. Get to the end of it.

Answer 10

wow - this is a very difficult situation. Are you or your husband religious? If you are I would seek the councle of a church leader. They will be able to help you see the religious implications of an abortion. If you are not - I would say you should go talk to your OB. Where your first two labors difficult because you have some health problems that contributed, or where they just accidents? This could effect your decision.
Once you have talked to the OB on your own, and explain the situation with your husband, he may be able to guide you according to your health on how the pregnancy would go.

I will be praying for you. This must be a very difficult situation.

God Bless