Rather complicated, but how do I ask this girl to play tennis with me?

Question

This is not another "how can I get this girl to like me" question. Here is the situation.

I went to high school with this girl, but I never had any classes or even talked to her till just about graduation day. She's friends with one of my guy friends from high school, and we played doubles once like 3 or 4 years ago. The next day she called me to play 1 on 1, but I was really tired and after we played when I went in her house and was like half asleep and overstayed my welcome by just standing there in the kitchen and I even stuttered a little bit (which I don't do anymore).

Since then I saw her for a few seconds at a high school reunion, and she was kind of cold, and saw her once at a store.

I don't have a crush on her or anything, I just want to play tennis. What makes this complicated is that my mom is friends w/her mom, so I don't want to do anything foolish.

Is it rude to call her up out of blue to play, or would it be better to have my mom ask her mom to play?

One other detail I didn't have space to add before. After I played doubles every time I played tennis with my guy friend I asked about her, and then he finally told me he stopeed being friends with her. I still keep in touch with him.

Another thing is that when I saw her those 2 times (the last time was about a year go) I don't know why but I was kind of nervous and she didn't seem that all interested.

The reason I really want to play with her is that we both play at a pretty high level and there aren't that many people that live around us (we live about a mile away) that can well. I asked her where she plays and she said she drives 20 minutes away, even though she has a court right by her house.

From a lot of the answers here it appears I've given the impression I just want to use her for her tennis abilities. I am actually a bit better than her, but she's still good enough to make it fun and challenging.

The 2 times I played tennis with herI was very nervous around any girl somewhat attractive, and I think that rubbed off negatively on her. We actually have a lot in common besides tennis (work in same industry, some political views, both still live at home, other activities like biking and skiing etc). I don't really know her well enough to know if I'd want to date her, but at the very least I wouldn't mind being "just friends" with her.

My fear in calling her directly would be that that she'd think I was romantically interested in her, because of the way I acted before. Until I read some of the answers I didn't even think she'd think I'm trying to use her just for tennis.

Let's say I call her. What's the right thing to say if she or her parents answer?

Answer 1

Well, assuming that you want to be able to have a conversation with this girl instead of just play tennis and cold stare at each other, I would say it would be best to consider asking her yourself. There's no problem calling her out of the blue to ask her to play, but I wouldn't just pick up the phone going, "Yeah, you want to play tennis?" - You need to act interested in her as a person (yes, this goes for friendly relationships too if you don't want anything else) because otherwise it's like you're using her just because she can swing her arm and hit a tennis ball. Nobody wants to be called up just to hear that someone else wants to utilize them for what they're good at and nothing more.

Now, if for some reason you really don't think you could do that and your mom is your absolute last choice, it's still doable. But, especially since it's through another person, you still have to keep that aspect of sincereness. You would need to tell your mom to maybe mention to either the girl or her mom that you were just remembering years back when you two played and would be interested in maybe meeting up for a match or two. It will be pretty easy to have her mistake your interest in playing tennis as a "date" offer though, so you need to be nice but casual. More like, "Hey, I remember when we used to hit around the ball, we should do it again sometime," rather than "I loved that game we played back in high school and I really want to play you again".

The bottom line, just let her know the truth but also make sure that you're not completely selfish about the proposal. She'll need to get something out of it too so if all you care about is the satisfaction of getting a game with her, it'll show and more than likely it won't work.

If, in the end, things don't work out, I guess you two just don't click as acquaintances anymore. It might be kind of disappointing, but I'm sure you can find other tennis opponents.

Answer 2

Ok. If you don't have interest in her that way, that will come off. All you should do is call her up and give her something that everyone loves, a little flattery!

"Hi XX. I was sitting here thinking about how nice a great game of tennis would be and out of all the people I could play with, I thought of you because you're one of the best players around here. I'd really like to have a little competition if you're willing to give some."

Easy. You make her feel as though a) you already thought of other people and she's one of the last to come up - thus it isn't a matter of you liking her, and b) you DO just want to play some tennis with her, nothing more.

Absolutely nothing wrong with approaching her for her playing abilities. Just treat it as you would a guy. Hey, you're really good and I want competition.

As far as your friend goes, well, you're not looking to go out with her, nor are you looking to invite him to play. He shouldn't be concerned and neither should you.

So, flatter her and get her to play!

Answer 3

The trouble is, she's almost sure to think it's like a date and that you like her. It sounds like there isn't much possibility of even a good friendship developing there, can you not find other people to play tennis with? If not maybe put out a personal ad, out or just go if there's a wall you can hit the ball off for practise, at least you might meet new people that way.

Answer 4

Just like some of the answers above ^^ I think you should chat to her, slowly get to know her without trying to hard (asking her simple questions, getting to know what she likes is a good start) Try not to flirt with her too soon or she'll just think you're a jerk. Then, you can ask to meet up and hang together and become good friends. That way when she finds out you like her, she knows you mean it because you know each other well enough. Make sure you confess your feelings in person, that's always the best. Then, go for it :) Good luck x

Answer 5

I've been played for a few years and it's really hard to find a good hitting partner...anyone who plays tennis knows this. If you find some one that's a good match....just go for it. Explain to her everything you just told everyone on Yahoo Questions. Just don't make a big deal out of it.

Answer 6

here you go, just plain ask her to play tennis like you would our buddy, but if you dont want to get involved with her take the atitude that you are playing a gay guy that you want to be nice to, only obviously shes a chick, if you dont get it then you dont get it but its good advice. no matter what anyone says you dont need to talk to the person you are playing a sport with if you dont want to. just play your game until the score gets a little lopsided then back off, repeat until done.

Answer 7

don't hide behind your mom's friendship with the young lady's mom. i don't see anything prohibiting you from calling her simply for a tennis date. give her call, set a date and match point (i don't understand a thing about tennis).

have fun...i hope the call works out.

Answer 8

keep the moms out of it. just call her up, and tell her that you were just wondering if she would like to play tennis for old time's sake.

Answer 9

Call her up and ask her! Nothing ventured nothing gained! I wouldn't ask your mom to get involved. After all, you are an adult. You should do your own asking! Good Luck!

Answer 10

it would be better for you to call her, getting your mom to ask is a lil' weird and she might think you were afraid of her and if SHE thinks you did something wrong then getting your mom to ask would be like you admitting guilt in something you honestly didn't mean to do.