How can I get over the death of my Mom?

Question

She died 9/28/05 and I still cry for her

She asked me to do something with her a week before she died and I keep saying to myself why didn't I do it.The nite before she died I never told her I love her and I talked to her before I went to bed,but I never told her I loved her.I feel so guilty.

Answer 1

First I am so Sorry for your loss. I've been thru the death of a parent and it is painful.

Stop beating yourself up for your self generated perception of having mistreated her and know...just know deep in your heart that she knew you loved her. She did know this and you know she loved you. That is part of why it hurts so much. The one person who always loved you is gone from sight but not from memory.

When you find yourself beating yourself up for not saying ILY stop and remind yourself that SHE KNEW...she already knew you loved her... and that being hard on yourself now won't bring her back nor does it "prove" you loved her... I have been to grief groups and there seems to be a stage some of us get stuck in where we think that if we punish ourselves for not being a better child it will somehow make ammends for the past. It makes no sense but it happens...
You could try to nurture yourself and reassure yourself that your mom is still with you in spirit and she would not want you to stay stuck in the big SAD sad sad...so get a photo out of her and talk to it. Tell her all the things you want to and know and believe she heard you... then say to yourself the kind of things she would have said back...
try to honor her memory and make yourself get out among the living. maybe go to the place she wanted to go with you.
Its been less than a year so much of what you feel is normal
Maybe you could plan some event to mark the first anniversary of her passing...from now on that day will be just as important as her birthday to you... you may want to try and avoid the landmark day but I know from experience that it doesn't work.

Gradually you will start to feel better. Be gentle with yourself. You don't have to beat yourself up as penance to 'prove' anything.
I hope you understand what I am trying to say here... remember the good things. If you are having problems with grief popping up at inoportune times try assigning yourself a specific time to grieve each day...as in "I will only grieve at 4pm to 4:30pm" and try to stick to it...at other times of the day say. "No not now I will grieve at___pm not now" I know it comes in waves but you can get control of it and celebrate the best things the two of you shared.

Answer 2

My mom died when I was ten. I cried almost everyday for the next ten years. I met a ten year old girl who was living with her brother because her mom just died. I was able to console her.

Getting over the death of a mother is like the most difficult thing to do. I've learned not to attempt to get over it, but embrace it. It is a reality that I must face and found a silver lining when I helped someone else through the pain of their lost.

Every now and then, I wonder how she would have intereacted with her grandchildren. My life has been even more motivated because I felt that if I did things to make her proud somehow, life would be better. Now, after thrity-one years, I can do things for me and thank God for giving me someone who had that much influence over my life that although she died, I did not want to disgrace her.

I empathize with you in your time of grief. But if I may quote a cliche' "Earth holds no hurt that heaven cannot heal."

Answer 3

I've gone through this my mother died in 97 and it took 3years for me to speak of her without crying never mind all the time spent crying when I was alone. But it will take time and you will heal. Just stop thinking of the negative and remember all the positive moments you've had. Because if there's one thing I learned it's you can not change the past no matter how hard you try. But trust me she knows how you feel. So just think how much happier she will be if she sees you moving forward and being happy. Good Luck.

Answer 4

First of all I am very sorry for you loss. And secondly its too soon for you to start feeling better and not to cry. Its takes a lot time and support from your family for you to be able to overcome this. But, you can do it. You can even consider going to therapy, it will help believe me. As time pass by you will start feeling better. Only time can heal when someone has hurt you or someone you love has been taken away.And don't feel guilty for not telling her that you love her I am more then 100% positive that she knows how much you love her. I hope that you get better and remember your mom is in a better place. Good Luck and God bless you!

Answer 5

I'm really sorry you lost your mom. She loved you and knows that you loved her.

Here's the thing. You will never "get over" or "deal with" your mothers death. All you can do is to accept it as a fact of life. It will hurt less as time passes, but it will always hurt. My closest brother died in 1976 and I can still cry about it from time to time.

The people who say things like "get over" and "deal with" are people who have never lost anyone close, IMHO.

Answer 6

She knows you love her. I lost my mom 8 year ago. I still cry every once in awhile. I miss being held by her when I'm hurting. She'll never meet my son. (atleast not in this world). Just remember she's in a better place, whether there's a heaven or nothing, either way no more pain. Do you think she would want you to be sad for her? Probably not she was your mommy.

Answer 7

my mum died 9 yrs ago of cancer
i was with her when she died
i look after her
and she never knew how bad she was
we was like sisters always laughing
i loved her to bits
as i know she loved me
my mother never had to say it
i could see it in her eyes
i made mistakes too
i went through a guilty stage too
right after she died
but now
9 yrs later i remember the good times
i still feel her precence in everything i do
i know she is with me
and also i know the state i was in when she died
i was deppressed to for a long time
but now i think a time will come
when
youll say
my mam wouldnt want me to be like this
she would want me to be happy
remember she is with you too
saying come on girl im fine
pick yourself up
and be happy for me
and i love you she knew you loved her
your her daughter

Answer 8

You never get over it, you do learn to live with it and to take comfort in the wonderful memories, i lost my beloved father in 04 and i still think of him everyday with smiles and a chuckle, and yes still with tears, there were many things that i left unsaid to him too, don't let that keep you from moving on. she doesn't care anymore and is at peace and im sure she would wish you to let the guilt go.

Answer 9

Make sure you talk with your family and definitly your Best Friend. The true friends are the ones that will always be there for you !!! Talk about it !!! Its also ok to cry about it and to be sad !!! It will make you stronger in the end ! Also if she knew Jesus then she is in a much better place !

Answer 10

You'll never get over the death of your mom. It never goes away. She will always be in your heart. Your feelings of guilt are very normal. I highly suggest some counseling for yourself just to help you cope with your feelings of loss and guilt. I'm very sorry for your loss.