pls help! why is my mum so difficult?

Question

my mum rules everything in the house and she is always right even tho she is wrong most of the time. she never listens to no one and is really really stubborn. i am angry at her for being like that all my life. me and my dad and sis have to deal with it 24/7. we have to wake up when she says, we have to eat when she says, we have to sleep when she says. what kind of life is this. she has brought us up wrongly and taught us hw not to be normal just coz she aint. it is sooooo unfair and i cant cope no more. my dad cant niether can her own mum (my grandma). she is always right and never wrong. she says she is perfect and no1 in this world is except her. i h8 the attitude and how do i bring her back to earth. her head seems to be up high in the sky. she has her own life in her head and its weird. she aint normal and she stobborn and wont go see doc about her menapause and M.E. its been going on since 16 yrs and enough is enough. we need to stamp down on her ruling behaviour but how?

i dont go to school, im at uni! and she aint the one putting food on table coz she dunt work and its all lout of boredom, nothing bbetter to do than scream her head off at ppl.she wants everyone to leave home inc my dad and wants to be 'left alone' so how *** she screams for help everytime she wants something, get this for me and do this for me.she gt ME i think but docs aint diagnosed her with it. SHE says she got it but she'll deny that she gt depression and the doc diagnosed her with depression so what does that tell u?she has it her way all the time. she does stuff bt u gt told off for doing it i.e. accidently dropping plate on floor. she does it and its ok, we do it and its world war 3.

Answer 1

She sounds like my mom used to be! It goes much deeper than just menopause. Perhaps in her childhood she never told you about! Seriously! Try to persuade her to talk to a professional. She may need meds. (not meant for laughs!)
You yourself may need someone to talk to for this kind of emotional abuse. It's worth it. No one has to know. Believe me...I know the kind of mom!!

Answer 2

It does sound like your mum has a problem and consequently you all do. At least you are now old enough to be out of the domestic situation. Have you thought of leaving home and getting some space?

The only person who can really help your mum is your mum. No amount of arguing and pleading will work as this is obviously what she wants - it will just play into her game. She obviously has issues with being in control and is probably suffering from depression. The best thing you and your family can do is change your own behaviour - don't join in with her mind games and if she is determined to live alone and try to torture you all that way then you must let her get on with it. If you have been traumatised over the years by her behaviour get some counselling yourself and try to get some perspective on your own feelings. Otherwise you can only try to support her to be happy and mentally sound if she wants to do something about it.

Answer 3

honey your mum is having a serious mental problem which is qute ok and very normal for many many other women on the world. your grandma or your grandgranma or someone of your mums parents as she was yoyng was surley treating her like that. the same way she is treating everyone now. so she was teached to be a queen of her own home and perhaps she have something in her which is another drap oil in the fire so everything you need is make her feel that she still is going to be perfect and have you all in order if she just stop yelling. so let her do the trik her self. you tell her she is bying the right stuff when you go shopping you tell her you thing she have a good way of making things and ask her would she like to teach you to try to be in that order too. try to get to her by the things she like and make her thing that you are all supporting her. people can be stubborn when there is nothing to be stubborn for. when there is no wall they get tot calm. and then if she continye to yell ( after you convinse her you like the way she live ) you tell her very very carefully that she might be a little more pation. try it and if it dont work then try to find some pills like B6 or something which a special proffesional help will recomend and try to give them to her so that at least she dont yell any more ! if you need anything else write me on my email [e-mail] and good luck !

Answer 4

Hang on a minute.... isn't your mum supposed to be in charge? What would happen if she didn't get you up? Would you get up yourself and head off to school without a fuss?
It sounds to me like she wants you (and herself) to have a routine, which is usually a good thing. Ok, you can let is slip a bit in the holidays - does she get you up then too?
If she has ME and is going through the menopause then she is having a very tough time. The least you could do is to cut her some slack and be a bit nicer to her.
If you want to eat at a different time, why not suggest that you make the meal. Does she insist on doing your family's shopping, washing, cooking, cleaning and ironing too? Maybe YOU could insist that you do more to help. I'm sure she would take more notice of your opinions then.

Answer 5

Honestly your mom is trying to hard. She has this idea of a perfect family in her head because she loves you all so much. She thinks she is doing the right thing by controlling to much. Most the time its a fear of something going wrong in the family ( which is one of a mothers biggest fears), such as, she might think that if she lets go of you a little bit then you might slip and get into some kind of trouble. A lot of mothers don't realize that other family members need freedom to learn things on there own and learn from there mistakes. Sometimes they do realize that but they are just to scard because they don't think you can handle it on your own. Another thing about your mom is that shes going through monopause. Its a huge hormonal change that is very hard to handle and its very stressfull for her. She is going to get even more complicated then you think. She absolutely needs to see a doctor, I dont care what anybody says you and your family need to get together and make her go, before things get ugly. She can get on the right meds and learn how to deal with her minopause in more positive ways. Other then that do not try to change her. Your mother is who she is and its mostly because she cares so much. Now you are over 16 years old and your going to be on your own soon. You need to sit down and have some tea with her and explain to her that you need to get out more and start doing things on your own. You need to learn what life is all about without having a parent tell you when to eat or to sleep. BUT be responsible about it , show her you can do things responsibly by not getting carried away. Such as If she normaly has you go to bed by 9:00 Dont over do it and wait until the next day to go to bed. The best way to start is finding a small job with minimum wage. Show her and your boss that you can handle it and then you will make your way up. You can do it. Just tell her.

Answer 6

Mum seems to have a control issue. Perhaps your whole family could sit down with her and tell her how you feel, one at a time.
Is everyone pulling their weight around the house? Does anyone ever ask her how she is feeling today? Over controlling people usually are scared that things will get 'out of control' & awful things will happen & they are the only ones that know what to do.
If possible, have a mental health professional set all this up for you & be there at the time.

Answer 7

Its a difficult one. My mum used to be the same and i would be in tears. My dad and my sister all knew what she could be like sometimes. I think you mum simply likes to feel in control because maybe she does not feel in control in other parts of her life. When you are young, there is not much you can do about it. I got my distance and went away to uni. Its the best thing you can do when you are old enough. Your mum will chill out a bit as you get older and as you mature too. In the meantime, try not to let it worry you too much. Its hard to believe but you'll probably be laughing with her about this one day.

Hope it helps.

Answer 8

aw the teenage years. you may not see any reason in the free world for your mother behavior , but later on in life you will about ten years from now you will . Your grandmother is acting like a typical grandmother and her telling you things against your mother is a little game that grandmothers like to play . Kinda like payback for when your mother was a teen. Don't believe it when everyone says your mom is cruel. They all have thier own personal reasons for siding with you . Don't believe me ? Ask grandma if she would rather that you live with her . I bet you she says ' no".

Answer 9

Maybe you should try getting you, your dad, and any siblings together and coming up with a p.o.a. on how you can address her. I don't mean for you to gang up on her, only tell her how she's negatively affected you, and just criticize her, but maybe just sitting down and talking to and with her can help her realize what's been going. Maybe start by saying positive things and memories then slowly transitioning into the core of the conversation. Hope this helps!!


And question, was your mom in on of the branches in the military? My friend's mom is very similar to that and she was in one of the branches of the military.

Answer 10

it sounds like your mum leads a very territorial stance in how the house is run and I believe this has very much to do with her needing to feel in control constantly which apart from anything else must be very tiring for her especially as she is suffering fom ME which is dibilitating in itself! I certainly do feel for you as a family and i'm wondering why your dad allows your mum to control everybodys life in this way!? I feel maybe the best way forward is for all of you to sit down with your mum and tell her exactly what you have told us and that things need to change -tell her how unhappy your all feeling as i'm sure she wouldn't want to intentionally make you all unhappy!

Answer 11

Ah. Sounds more like You're at that age. You know, when you wish someone else was your mum cos they're so cool and yours isnt. You'll see her in a different way in a couple of years when you've got through your own little hormone madness. I bet she still loves you though doesnt she.