I'm scared of loving again! my first & last relationship left me heart broken!! he was breaking up with his ex when i first knew him. i kept my distant untill i knew they finally left each other. athough i was'nt planning on loving him. we both just fell for each other. after a few month, i began sensing that he still have feelings for her, then i found out that they r still in touch. by then i was totaling in love with him. it was hurting like hell knowing that he is still thinking of her. we talked about it & he told me it's just a phase in forgetting her & he assured me that he loved me. this stayed for long & i couldn't bare it anymore. so i stopped calling him & disappeared of his life. Now that more than 3 years passed, i get really scared of falling for a guy again. maybe scared of having another broken heart!!! when dealing with guys that i like. i somehow block them when i feel they r interested! after that i start blame myself that it could have been something. what do i do?
2006-07-22 09:59:42 · 7 answers · asked by moon 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
That's all part of dating until you find the "one". I know this is probably going to sound corney, but each time you fall you need to brush yourself off and get back on the horse until you do find the "one".
2006-07-22 10:03:42 · answer #1 · answered by Jason 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be careful of guys in relationships for fear of getting hurt as the pain is not any thing easy to deal with. What i remember is a saying of" Good People have a hard time in finding any one decent."
You are right in thinking that the guys are only after one thing and once they get it they move to some one else. I have been hurt a lot in relationships and if it were not for my past experiences i would have collapese from the pain and grief.
There is no formula that you can use to figure out if the guy is genuine or not. There are genuine people out there, it is just hard to find them. You will blame your self when some one show interest in you, and you don't act on that interest.
Base on your past ineptitude, any guy that you meet that is interested in you. You get to know him and ask him a lot of questions about himself from the beginning. Later on as the relationship progress you ask him things base on what he told you some time ago and you use this as a guide to know your next move.
Remember this and you will never go wrong. Relationship is like playing a game of chess. If you don't belive me learn about chess and you will see that there is truth to this.
What you can do is to ask God in prayer to send some one for you and to be specific as to what you want. You are not the first or the last to be hurt in relationships, and remember no matter how much you are hurt. There are people in a worse case scenario than you and me.
Some times people that hurt us in relationships are happy when they realize, that we are alone and they are happy with some one else in their lives. What hurts is to see them at the mall or else were with a new girlfriend or boyfriend and they do like they don't know you.
Don't give anyone that hurt you in a past relatiobnship the satisfaction of seeing you down and don't have male friends.
Be cautious as always and put your new love interest to the test just as gold is tested in fire. If he ask why you are being so cautious tell them of your past ineptitude and move from there.
What i'm getting at is this. Some guy is going to come around and this one is going to be different. You use your new found knowledge and keep testing him to see how he stands out.
The American Military have a saying of ( Preparing for the worse and hoping for the best ) this is a maxim we can use in relationships
I hope the above will be like a Road Map of help for you.
2006-07-22 20:56:19 · answer #2 · answered by Premio 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think other guys should be scared of you falling in love with them.
This guy clearly showed signs that he was not over his ex, but you were forcing him to make a decision about your relationship by being clingy and demanding. Try being confident in yourself before you get in another relationship, if you're looking for a boost to your self-esteem, you're not going to get it from a guy who is still dealing with his own problems.
2006-07-22 17:05:43 · answer #3 · answered by Steve S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah sometimes it's hurtful when the person you love doesn't love you in return. I just consider it's a risk that we all need to take if we want true love. Also, if you haven't been hurt before, you won't know how to appreciate a loving relationship.
2006-07-22 17:07:26 · answer #4 · answered by musi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be afraid. You just gotta be more careful who you open your heart to. Actually, I believe you open your heart to quick, which you instantly fall for them. Don't be the one who has to give all in the relationship. In order for you to be loved, he has to show you that he loves you, too (vise versa). Don't blame yourself for something he wasn't sure about. You keep thinking about this, you are just gonna bring your self -esteem down. In other words, don't bring yourself down. You don't want to hurt yourself. Next time you have this situation, make sure the guy is ready to start a relationship with forgetting about his ex for sure. Tell him that he must take his time on it, before you can give your fragile heart to him. Make him realize that you are not just any girl. You are a lady that wants a real guy and who is serious about relationships. Don't let them little boys take advantage of you. YOu don't really need this. What you need is to find yourself a real man, and not opening your heart to fast to and for them. He has to win your heart in order for you to give it. In other words, he has to show you he trully cares for you, loves/likes you, and other thing that demonstrates he really likes/loves you. In your part, you must do the same in order to win his (real guy, or course). This is the way to achieve love. It will take time, but hey, you'll see it. As he demonstrates it, you then think about giving him your heart. Be carefull next time. You will find him. Date them, but don't give it right away. You shouldn't do this. He has to prove he is worthy of winning your heart (vise versa, with a real guy). You take care of yourself and your heart. I hope this is helpfull. I wish you my very best on finding that special one that honestly and trully deserve it. Good Luck, Girl!
2006-07-22 17:24:29 · answer #5 · answered by Drivliam 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so glad I'm not alone. Well its scary as hell but just try to get back out there and flirt. There are so many single people out there.... Its a good confidence builder too. Screw him! You can do so much better :o)
GOOD LUCK!
2006-07-22 17:07:02 · answer #6 · answered by D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this happens to the best of us. we learn with this sort of heart ache. you will find someone and love someone again in yr own time
2006-07-22 17:04:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋