We are really close we hug tell each other we love you,and we lye next to each other we both say how good it feels to be so close ,but sex is like he is only worried about himself,i don't understan this he has been single 45 yrs and we met and have been together for 3 yrs he even put a 2 ct diamond ring and got on his knees toask me to marry him.he says i am hard to please or to you know but it is not emotional like when we were first together,but i must say one thing he cheated on me after he gave me the engagement ring,i feel lost i want to be pleased too I forgive him but i give up on this plz any advice will help i am sure............v:(
2006-07-22 08:39:59 · 13 answers · asked by dirtdobber1964 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
nice Guy!!....Time too move on...I,m afraid to say!!!
2006-07-22 08:42:19 · answer #1 · answered by outback 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This is a tough one. A man's sexual prowess is a very touchy area for him. You need to choose your words carefully or all he will remember is your hurting his feelings. At the same time you need to be clear in expressing your desire or your relationship is doomed to fail, at least in the intimacy department.
Before bringing it up with him again I recommend trying to assess his motives. Is he just being lazy/selfish since he's getting what he wants anyway? Or could there be something else that is holding him back. Maybe he's not confident is his ability to satisfy you to the point that he is afraid to try. With him having cheated on you I would also worry that perhaps he's not as attracted to you as he once was. With a better understanding of what specifically is holding him back it will be much easier to move forward.
Some people might recommend trying to 'spice' things up through experimenting. However this can be awkward and even disastrous in the healthiest of relationships. Often times one partner reluctantly agrees to fulfill the others fantasy. In such a case either the reluctant partner is so obviously not pleased about it that neither of you can enjoy yourselves or perhaps the person whose fantasy gets fulfilled will enjoy it so much that they want to indulge that particular kink all the time much to their partner's frustration.
A better bet would be to step up the intimacy in day to day life. Talk about sex more. Not about him not pleasing you but about sex in general. He's bound to learn something through these discussions and if nothing else it will serve as a reminder that you are a sexual being. Just keep it flirty and fun. You don't want him to feel like he's being lectured.
Of course he is the one who needs to change his attitude and satisfy you and you ideally shouldn't have to do anything, however you might also try upgrading your appearance in some manner. You've been together a few years so it's a safe bet you've let some things go in terms of what you wear when you see him or make-up, or maybe you've put on a little weight. It's not fair, I know, but working on your appearance will put both of you in a more romantic mood and it will serve as further evidence that getting satisfied is important to you.
If nothing else seems to work and you can't get him to budge from his position you should work on pleasing yourself. I don't mean just as a manner of giving up and getting what you need elsewhere. Getting to know yourself, so to speak, will make it much more satisfying when you're with him. Women often have trouble achieving a state of ecstasy due to feeling uncomfortable with their own bodies. So the most direct action you can take to improve things would be learning to love your body literally and/or figuratively.
2006-07-22 09:38:10 · answer #2 · answered by du_robot 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a problem and I am glad you are not blindly heading forward with no thought for your own well-being. You know he has not always been honest, he has been single for 45 yrs, but, what jumps out glaringly for me is : I do not know of ANY man who does not want to satisfy his partner, if he is emotionally/mentally healthy. I have run into only 2 people in my lifetime that might be the exceptions. Please, read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder and read all of it. If there is any part of it that sets off an alarm for you, you need to see a counselor. I wish you the best.
2006-07-22 08:57:31 · answer #3 · answered by SpongebobRoundpants 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He cheated on you and since then the sex if blah? Take a hint girl, he's probably still stepping out on you. I don't understand how a guy can have sex with someone and just get themselves off and not worry about pleasing his woman. I think he doesn't love you as he claims to.
2006-07-22 08:45:02 · answer #4 · answered by Cheryl K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you really need to talk to him , event though you are engaged if there are already concerns with pleasure and pleasing get it out in the open now. if he cheated once whos not to say he is not cheating now. if he loved and respected you he will consider your feelings first
2006-07-22 08:43:19 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get lanjaray, and be more aggressive, show him what you want. If all else false then sit down with him and tell him your problems and tell him what it is you want out of your sex life. It's more personal and private face to face.
2006-07-22 08:47:09 · answer #6 · answered by teresa l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he cheated on you after he proposed and before you were married? You are going to get cheated on a lot more down the road if you do get married.....anyways, about your question, tell him what you want.
2006-07-22 08:47:10 · answer #7 · answered by morgan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to him about it. my fiance was like that and now i just found out he's been cheating on me for the past two months.
2006-07-22 08:45:49 · answer #8 · answered by larissacory 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i think this guy lost intersest in you and especiallyley when he wont please you in bed there is some thing diffentley wrong with this pic like he only think of him self so i were you i would move on.
2006-07-22 08:48:08 · answer #9 · answered by little ace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell him how you feel and tell him exactly what you want so he'll have no doubt when you two get intimate.
2006-07-22 08:42:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he's no longer interested in you.
2006-07-22 08:42:37 · answer #11 · answered by trafficer21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋