For women and young women only...?

Question

I have a daughter who is about to turn 12.

We have a great relationship and I have always been very ‘present’ (by ‘present’ I mean, aware of her, loving her, respecting her, guiding her), but as she gets into what everyone says are difficult times for young women, is there any advice you could give me?

In particular, what are some of the things your dad did?

Or, maybe more importantly, what are some of the things that he *did not* do that deep down, you were kind of expecting/wanting him to do?

Thank you!

Answer 1

First--make sure that she knows that she can come to you with whatever and you are not going to go "postal" on her. Kids have to feel trusted all the time even if you do not always trust them. Second--spend as much time doing things that you both love to do,that will help to keep her out of the stuff that nobody wants there kids to get into
Alot of dads are not in turn with their daughters, but maybe he should pick up early from school one day and take her to lunch and maybe a movie just the two of them-let her know that her dad loves her and is trying to understand her.

Answer 2

Getting into the teenage years, boys are going to become very prominent in your daughter's life. If she's around a boy try not to do anything that will embarrass her such as calling her sweetie, etc. or bringing up stories about when she was little. Talk to her about how boys can be, even though she isn't going to want to hear it. She'll remember it later on. Don't feel bad if she doesn't come to you with problems. A girl usually wants to talk to another woman and will typically go to her mother because she can relate better. Just make sure that she knows that you are always there for her. That she can call you with a problem or for help.

Answer 3

I'm glad that you and your daughter have a good relationship. My dad and I were, and still are, very different and don't see eye-to-eye on many, many things. When I got to that age and wasn't close to my dad, I was glad that he didn't really talk to me about it. As I became older and more comfortable with myself, he would tease me a little about it and that was okay with me. He knew me and how uncomfortable I would be with talking about it and respected me for it and I absolutely adore him for that. Since you and your daughter are so close, you can just tell her that you'll be there for her if she ever needs to talk or anything like that, but don't pressure her because young women at that age are often very uncomfortable with themselves. Just let her know that you love and are there for her. That will make her feel like the most special girl in the whole world.

Answer 4

Honestly my father was never there for me, so for you to be that "present" as you say must mean ALOT to her, just continue to be that way with her, continue asking her like, what's going on in her life, I'm sure that by always being there for her she'll be more than fine. You're a great father keep it up! Now that soon she'll be going to High School she'll need lot's of help and support from you! Best of Luck! ~V.J.~

Answer 5

My Dad and I had a great relationship. He always made time for me, listened to my questions and problems and gave me advice. He was highly involved in my education and stressed it's importance. He treated all my friends like they were his own kids, giving them advice, reassurance and sometimes a roof over their heads and a couple bucks to tide them over.

He was never an overly demonstrative (huggy kissy) Dad, but I knew he loved me. I adored him and I miss him desperately. (he died when I was 19). Just be there and let your daughter know you'll do anything for her. Actions speak louder than words.

Answer 6

My dad is hardly ever home, but when he is, we don't usually talk because everytime I try talking to him, he pretends to listen to me. I know he doesn't pay attention to me all the time. And my dad is really overprotective. He doesn't like letting me out, and he's puts too much emphasis on my grades and school. So, if your daughter wants to go out, let her go out, within reasonable limits. And just try and make sure she knows you're not restricting her or suffocating her because at one point in her teenage years, she'll want to hang out with her friends more so than her father.

Answer 7

My father wasn't around for most of my life. I was raised by my grandparents, and my grandfather was pretty distant most of the time. He did well providing for me, and I appreciate him, but he never went out of his way to actually have a relationship with me or get to know who I really was. So here's some advice I can give you based on what I would have liked to have when I was that age.
First, make sure you know her. Talk to her, do things with her, spend time with her, and make sure that you never assume anything about her. She is at the age where a lot of things about her will change, and one of the best things you can do is recognize that she is growing up and that her interests, feelings, and thoughts are not going to stay the same. Keep up with her changing personality, so that you don't offend her by thinking she still likes ponies when in reality she's grown out of that (just an example).
Second, make sure she's well educated about sex. I know most parents would like to hide this from their daughters, thinking that the less they know, the less likely they are to do it, but that's completely wrong. The better informed she is, the more likely she will be to make wise choices. If you're not comfortable talking to her about sex and protection, then have her mom do it or ask the family doctor to discuss it with her. If you believe in abstinence til marriage, make sure she knows that, but my honest advice is, don't force it on her. Let her know what you believe and prefer, but also let her know that as a young woman, she is entitled to make her own choices. Also let her know that you trust her to make wise decisions. Your confidence in her will translate to her as confidence in herself, and confident young women are less likely to make a hasty or unwise decision about sex.
Third, make sure your daughter is comfortable with who she is. She is at the age where fitting in is very important, and those girls who don't fit in can and will get teased mercilessly. I know, because I was the social outcast of my school. Your daughter will probably want all the right clothes, all the right stuff, so she can fit in. My honest advice is, let her have some of it, but encourage her to develop her own personality and with it, her own style. Make sure to let her know that who she is is much more important than what she looks like, and that she doesn't have to look and act like the other girls to be special and worthwhile. Encourage her to get involved in activities she's interested in- music, sports, drama, whatever. Being involved will boost her confidence and give her a sense of belonging to something.
Fourth, don't be overbearing. These are years when your daughter will need a LOT of guidance. But that's just it- she needs guidance, not rigidity. As a parent, you should have rules for yoru daughter, but don't go overboard. The surest way to produce a rebellious child is to be overly rigid with them. Let your daughter make some of her own choices, and increase the number of choices you allow her to make for herself as she gets older. Letting her make her own decisions will let her know that you think that she is a capable young lady, and if you let her make her own choices with your guidance and advice, she is more likely to make wise ones. If you always tell her exactly what to do and don't give her any say in her own life, then she won't have the experience that she needs to make wise choices in the future. Talk to her about curfews, clothing, etc., and be willing to be flexible. Ask her what she thinks is fair- her answers might be more reasonable than you'd expect, and if you're willing to discuss it and come to an agreement together, than you're both going to be happier with the situation.
Finally, if she wants to wear makeup, let her. Make sure she knows that she doesn't have to wear it to be beautiful, but that it's ok if she does wear it. If you want her to really think you're a cool parent, than have somebody with good taste help her pick out some makeup that works well with her skin tone, and help her learn how to apply it. Throw a Mary Kay or Avon party for her 13th birthday or something like that. Some girls really like to feel pretty and pampered. And if she doesn't like makeup or isn't comfortable with it, let her know that that's ok too. It's way cool to be comfortable in your own skin. Don't force her into a typical "girly" role if that isn't what she wants, and never, ever tell her that she either has to or can't do a particular thing just because she's a girl. That is one of the most limiting and confidence-bashing things you can do to a young woman.
All that said, make sure she knows she's loved. It sounds like you're doing a great job so far, so keep up the good work.

Answer 8

money ,, money ,,, money ,,, give her lots of money anytime ,,all time ;)))))))))))