how can i get my daughter to listen to me?

Question

my 13 yr old daughter never listens to me. it's hard to even get her attention these days. when she returns from school she usually engage in endless conversation phone conversations while using the computer she tells me mom can't u see i'm busy all the time!! whenever i want her to do stuff like help out with house chores or go to the mall with me she'll always push everything to my 7 year old son. lately, i suspect shes taken up smoking and her spending habits are Atrocious!! she took like almost a thousand from my husband claiming its for her hair and shopping for clothes to wear to school. i'd NEver give her that amount of money myself! shes also given me a nickname pie face and calls her brother a dirtbag or turd since he gets kinda dirty after playing soccer.. i hope my son won't turn out a disaster like her! when my husband is not around, i have literally no control over her. how should i get her to listen to me?!

Answer 1

I have a major question for you. My kids are grown so I've got some experience in this. HOW did she get almost $1,000 from your husband? No teenager should have that kind of money to just "spend" -- what the hell do you or he expect out of her? That is total irresponsibility. I don't have that kind of money and I feel bad that I can't give my son what I had growing up (my parents still never would have handed me $1,000.00)....yet he is so totally thankful (and has been through his teen years) for what he does have. OMG --- I am astounded by this. You want to know why she doesn't respect you two? Because NOW she knows she can just get the money and run with it.
She IS growing up but at that age, no freakin way should she be spoiled like that. You are hurting HER by doing that. She is going to be on her own and wondering how come all this cash isn't falling in her lap and THEN she'll be back with you again (possibly with a child because she needs to feel love from someone instead of money). You all made yoiur bed. If you don't fix it now, you are in for a REAL RUDE AWAKENING.

Answer 2

Coming from a 16-year old girl (me), I'd like to first emphasize that all teenagers feel the need to rebel. I also picked up smoking a while back. I felt angry a lot of the time that my parents were what I thought 'overprotective' and I honestly hated them. My mom took me to a family counselor, we discussed many things, and worked out a lot of issues. I realized I was rebelling because it was what everyone else did, and I wanted to just plain fit in. My mother realized she was being a little too overbearing. Now her and I are not only friends, but I also respect her enough to listen to her. I would say try to work out things between you and your daughter, but also give it time. She may just be at a rebellious stage. However, if she has picked up smoking, she may turn to drugs next. No matter how badly she treats you, make sure you talk to her about how much you care and how you don't want her messing up her life like that. If she has any sense, she'll listen. Also check out her group of friends, it sounds like they might be a bad influence. However, there's not really much you can do if they are except encourage her to find new ones.

One more thing, hopefully you are not favoring one child over another. Make sure you continue to nurture your 7 year old, but also let your daughter know she is loved as well. Hopefully soon she will come to you for more than just money. Last but not least, it sounds like her father is also spoiling her. If there is any way you could suggest him to ease up a little bit, that would help a lot. Every respectful child I've met was one who was not spoiled.

Sorry if I sounded stupid, I'm only sixteen! Oh, and good luck. :]

Answer 3

You get your daughter to listen to you by taking control. A child at 13 should not be in control of the family and that is exactly what is going on. Her computer time, phone time and friend time should be limited. She should have to spend family time with you everyday. She should receive no money unless she helps out with chores and is a part of the family. You need to know all of her friends and their parents and know where she is at all times. The name calling and everything she does against your rules should have consequences such as grounding from the computer, friends, phone, etc. Tell her what you expect from her and if you have to follow her to see what she is doing or if she is smoking, then do it. You will have a major problem in your hands if you do not take control. Hang in there because teenagers are a real challenge, but it can be done!

Answer 4

Tell her you want to speak with her about maturity and love, about boys and whatever else. As a 13 year-old, she will be almost compelled to agree to listen. Now, this will prove to be a nice interlude into discussing smoking with her, i.e. You know, most men can't stand cigarette smoke... etc., but it can even get you to things completely off topic, like money management.

You can't be too strict when trying to talk to her; you should be strict when enforcing, not when explaining. After all, you must assume she doesn't know what it is you are trying to explain. Also, be friendly enough for her to feel that she can connect with you. However, you are the mother; show some authority! You deserve respect, which you aren't receiving!

The most important part is hooking her into the conversation; once she agrees to listen, the rest should be easier.

Wish you all the best, and hope I was of some help!

Answer 5

Cut her off. Do not giver her ANY spending money until she actually contributes to the household. Make a list of daily duties. Put a lock on her bedroom door and keep the key on your person. Unlock the door only when she has completed a satisfactory amount of her duties. She may cry or call you cruel or threaten you, but you must remember that in doing so you instill a sense of discipline and perseverence. So many young people are used to having things handed to them. The do not know discipline, they do not know self control. Restrict her leisure time to one hour per day. She has one hour to use the phone and computer for socialising. I'm sure you or your husband can restrict network access to her room. If she becomes ever more defiant, institute harsher policies. Random room searches are very demoralising and very effective at detecting contraband materials. You can also confiscate her phone, her cell phone, her computer, here tele, DVD player, or whatever other entertainment items she has in her room as punishment. Limiting her choices of clothing is another way to punish her. You can take out anything from her wardrobe that you find distasteful. You can make her earn it back through good behaviour. Taking away her music discs and holding them as rewards for good behaviour can also be done. Lastly you could resort to corporal punishment. Everytime she calls you a rude name, you slap her. Just keep in mind, that the tighter you squeeze, the more that slips through your fingers. Discipline, punishment, reward, these things must be carefully balanced to achieve a favourable effect.

Answer 6

Lay down the rules. You are the parent, she is the child. She is NOT to smoke in your home, take the computer away, take the phone away if need be. Give her chores to do around the house that must be done before she's allowed to spend time with friends. Make her do jobs to repay the money she took. Tell her certain language is not allowed in your home, and she is not allowed to call people names. Make the rules, and enforce them.

When I was a teen, I had to make my bed and pick up my room before I left for school for the day. Well, after not doing this for several weeks, my mother took matters into her own hands. She showed up at school (I was in 9th grade) wearing the most hideous bathrobe ever, her hair was in curlers, and she was dragging my youngest brother and sister behind her (they were a baby and 2 years old). She walked into the classroom where I was, apologized to the teacher for disrupting the class, and said that I needed to come with her. I remember asking the teacher to tell her no, and she just told me that my mother needed me, and to go. My mom took me home, and made me do my chores. I guarantee I never again left w/an unmade bed again!!!

Answer 7

Sit her down. Talk to her about all of this. Take the phone and computer away. If this don't work, rediscover the BELT. Whip her *** a few times. She's 13, she's not your damn boss. Tell your husband not to give her money for a while, 'till you get her back under control. Tell him what's going on, have him help punish her. Don't let her talk to her friends except at school. Show her what punishment is. I'm not saying abuse your power, just use some of it to show her it's not ok to act like a god. And have your son stop being her slave, that's just boosting her superiority complex. If this don't work try therepy(counceling), because it'll get worse as she gets older. Hope I help. If there's anything else contact me, I'll see if I can be more use.

Answer 8

well I'm sorry 2 say this but most likely she's the boos in that house and you need to show her who's the adult in there or else they're gonna run all over you and husband ur son sees that she can get away with what ever and she's a girl so he'll be albe to do anything he wants and the road she's taking only leads one way drugs, sex, and alcohol so you need to step up and let her know that your the boss and no phone no computer no friends no money unlil the rules are followed you can't be soft at this age because by giving them everything you'll lead them to destuction A spank on the *** or a slap on da face never hurt no one step un now or you will regeat leter.....

Answer 9

How did this child ever get to the point where she knew this type of behavior was ACCEPTABLE. Stop being a wimp...take away the computer. Stop the money flow. GROUND HER. Only allow her at the mall when you are there to supervise...be a parent! She's only 13. I have a great-niece that age. I know for a fact, she is not allowed to act like that. Her Father takes her in hand(literally!)He is raising her alone! She has a bit of a stubborn streak(inherited:-) but she knows better than to "smart off".

Answer 10

This is a teen age problem.
its been very late n nw u will have take harsh steps.
Only beating hre wont help n dont expect her 2 leave all her wrong habits at once. When it comes 2 beating give the charge 2 ur husband. Make a record of all her frnds n contact their parents. Meet her teachers regularly.

Apart 4m all these incline her towards a bit of spirituality 4 the fear of god will save her 4m going on furter wrong paths.

And best would be that u help her make frnds with students in INDIA coz they r very sincere, dedicatd n focussd students.