What is the funniest joke you've heard this week?-make me laugh, & you get 10 pts!?

Answer 1

WHAT DOES A KISS TASTE LIKE?
>
>One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a
>little boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey
>kiss in his mouth and asked, "Do you know what it is?" "No, I
>don't," said the little boy. "Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing
>your daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work."
>Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it
>out!
>It's a piece of ***!"

Answer 2

There’s a drunk in a bar and he notices that this sharp dressed guy is getting some startling looks from some attractive women. The drunk approaches him and asked him how does he get all the pretty women to look at ‘em like that.
The guy says …I don’t usually share my come on line but I’m in an especially good mood so I’ll tell ya. I go up to a young lady that I find attractive and whisper in her ear … tickle your a s s with a feather. If she gives me the OK sign I know I’m set for the evening … if she looks offended and says WHAT?! I say something that sounds just like it …particularly nasty weather.

The drunk thinks this is the neatest thing he’s ever heard …and right then the most beautiful women of all time walks into the bar ….an absolute dreamboat. The drunk stumbles on over to her and says …Stick a feather up your a s s? The women says WHAT?!?! He says … pretty phucking cold outside ain’t it.

Answer 3

Lawyer And The Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom, "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back
to me.

Husband #3 was from field services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing, even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-
the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration, he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing, although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist, all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist, all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector, all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Answer 4

1) There are these two blondes that are sitting by the campfier . The one Blonde said what is closer Floda or the moon. The other one said can you see Floda?
2) There is this Fual Dresser and a student,. The Fual Dresser said I am going to go to bed do not call me only if it is in a exmerces (really inportent). The stuent said ok.. He went to the inpaming room and he pull a corck (the thing that is in a wine bottle that you have to take out) outof the prosens butt and it sang hello dolly hello dolly then the stuent put it back in the butt and called up the boss and shad oh my god you have to get down here. He came down. The student pull the corck out aging and it sang hello Dolly Hello Dolly. The boss said you wroke me up at 2:00 in the morigng to hear some *** sing Hello Dolly. I

I hope you like this

Answer 5

A cowboy walks into a bar, a few miles West of
Brokeback Mountain, and, after two steps in, he
realizes it's a gay bar.
"What the hell," he says to himself, "I really want a
drink."
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy,
"What's the name of your 'willy'?"
The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All
I want is a drink."
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you
until you tell me the name of your 'willy'. Mine for
instance is called NIKE, for the slogan 'Just Do It.'
That guy down at the end of the bar calls his
SNICKERS, because 'It really Satisfies."
The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells
him he will give him a second to think it over.
So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is
sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of
yours?"
The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX." The
thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly
replies, " 'Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on
tickin!'"
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on
his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita
and says, "So, what do you guys call yours?"
The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims,
"FORD, because "'Quality is Job One." Then he adds,
"Have you driven a Ford lately?"
The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY,
'Like a Rock!' And gives a wink!
Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment
before he comes up with a name for his manhood.
Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The
name of my 'willy' is SECRET. Now give me a beer."
The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but
with a puzzled look
asks, "Why Secret?"
The cowboy says, "Because it's 'STRONG ENOUGH FOR A
MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN

Answer 6

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things.

One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and
I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."

The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed,
and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!"

The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory's just as good as it's always been, knock wood."

She raps the table. With a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"

Answer 7

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night, and led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

"What's that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Yup," replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You asshole ... it's three-fifteen in the morning!"

Answer 8

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address,

and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow

decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found

his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that

everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

Answer 9

Q> What is every blondes asperation?
A< To be like vanna white and learn the alphabet!


A duck walked into a bar a jump up onto one of the bar stools and the bartender asked him wat he wanted and the duck said"got any crackers?"
The Bartender said no so the duck walked out the bar.
The next day the same duck came in and said got any crackers and the bartender said no just like yesterday we dont sell crackers.
The next day the same duck came in asked the same question and the bartender said if u ask me that question one more time im going nail ur feet to this bar.
So the next day the duck came in and said got any nails the bartender said no-got any crackers?

Answer 10

a young ventriloquist is touring clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in arkansas. with his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands up and starts shouting.

" i've heard enough of your stupid jokes. what makes you think you can stereotype woman like that? what does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being. it's guys like you that can keep women like me from being respected in the community."

the ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize when the blonde yells, " you stay out of this mister! i'm talking to that little jerk on your knee.