a thought from my mom about a certain wedding ritual?

Question

so my mom and i were talking about wedding traditions, and she seems to think that the individual candles should remain lit, along with the candle that represents the bride and groom becoming one. her theory is that although they are now joined in marriage, they still also remain individuals- they both remain their own person. i think it's worth considering; i just needed some other opinions. thanks!

Answer 1

The Bride’s Bouquet
Bridal bouquets have evolved through the ages. Saracen brides carried bouquets of orange blossoms to symbolize fertility, and Roman brides carried sheaves of wheat to symbolize prosperity for their husbands. In the eighteenth century, the practice of carrying a bouquet of flowers or herbs became a popular tradition which symbolized fragility, purity, and new life. Bouquets of dill were among the most popular herb carried. After the ceremony the dill was eaten to “provoke lust.” Today, the bridal bouquets are tosses to assembled single women to symbolize new life and to pass on the bride’s good fortune.

The Special Meaning of the Bride’s Veil
The veil represents modesty and respect. It symbolizes the sanctity and exclusiveness of the marriage covenant and reminds the couple and the witnesses that the physical relationship is to be entered into only after the vows are completed.

Rice and Petals
In the Middle Ages, handfuls of wheat were thrown over the married couples to symbolize the hope for fertility. In modern times, rice is thrown instead of wheat to symbolize fertility. In recent years, flower petals have become another alternative, symbolizing beauty, happiness, and prosperity.

Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue
Old and new items jointly symbolize the passage from the old unmarried state to that of the new married union. The wearing of a borrowed belonging demonstrates community participation and approval of the wedding. Blue is worn because it is the color that signifies purity, love, and fidelity.

White Aisle Runner
A white aisle runner symbolizes walking on holy ground. A marriage covenant is not made merely between two people and their witnesses. It is made in the presence of God and He is actively involved in the agreement. The white aisle runner symbolizes God’s holiness.

Special Seating for the Parents
The parents of the bride and groom are part of the marriage covenant. The commitments they make during the ceremony are just as binding as the vows of the couple. The final responsibility of parents for their children is to determine with them God’s will for a life partner. Thereafter, they serve in a chain of counsel for them and their children. Parents enter in the line of authority and leave in the line of counsel.

The Groom Entering First
By this action the groom signifies that he is the covenant initiator. This is important because whoever initiates the covenant assumes greater responsibility for seeing it fulfilled.

The Father of the Bride Walking Down the Aisle
This action has two meanings. By doing so, the father says to the bride, “I am endorsing this young man as God’s very best choice of a husband for you, and I am now bringing you to him.” In addition, the father is saying to the young man, “I am presenting you a daughter who I have earnestly endeavored to raise as a pure bride.”

The Bride and Groom Taking Each Other’s Right Hand During the Ceremony
The open right hand offered by each party symbolizes their strength, resources and purpose. By clasping each other’s right hand, they pledge these qualities to each other so that each partner can depend on all the resources that the other brings into the covenant relationship. The handclasp goes far beyond sealing the contract. It symbolizes the cleaving together of lives which is to be accomplished in the marriage covenant.

The Groom Making the First Marriage Vow
The groom must be the leader and assume greater responsibility for fulfilling the marriage covenant. As covenant initiator, he must commit himself to the purposes of marriage which God established in the beginning, and these must be reflected in his vows.

The Symbolism of the Wedding Rings
The wedding rings symbolize the promise between two people together in marriage. The unbroken circle of the wedding band represents the continuity of undying love. Greek theory believed the fourth finger of the left hand to be connected to the heart, making this the appropriate finger to be “bound” in romantic attachment.

Kissing the Bride
During the Roman empire, the kiss between a couple symbolized a legal bond. Continued use of the kiss to seal the marriage bond is based on the deeply rooted idea of the kiss as a vehicle for transference of power and souls.

The Couple Being Pronounced “Husband and Wife”
This establishes their change of names and a definite point in time for the beginning of the marriage. These words are to remove any doubt in the minds of the couple or their witnesses concerning the validity of the marriage.

Signing the Wedding Papers
The newlywed couple signs the wedding papers to establish a public document and a continuing public record of the covenant.

Signing the Guest Book
Your wedding guests are official witness to the covenant. By signing the guest book, they are saying, “I have witnessed the vows, and I will testify to the reality of the marriage.” Because of this significance, the guest book should be signed after the wedding rather than before it.

The Purpose of the Receiving Line
The receiving line is for guests to give their blessings to the couple and their parents.

The Meaning of Serving Food at the Reception
Food is part of the covenant celebration. It further symbolizes the unity of the couple. Entering into a meal itself is a form of covenant.

The Bride and Groom Feeding Wedding Cake to Each Other
This represents the sharing of their bodies to become one. A New Testament illustration of this symbolism is The Lord’s Supper.

The Bride and Groom Smashing Cake into Each Other's Faces
Only brides and groom with pent-up hostilities and twisted ideas about what is funny will do this. It is crude and rude and NO ONE is laughing. The only laughs you hear are of giggles of embarrassment coming from the guests who feel uncomfortable and unhappy for the couple. Do you know a groom who enjoyed having to clean up his face and tuxedo of icing, or a bride who loved having her nice makeup, hairdo and special dress ruined for the remainder of the reception? (And most cake cutting events happen early in the reception, prior to the toasts, meal and dancing.)

Cultural Wedding Traditions
Borne from different cultures and passed down through the generations, traditions can add a unique touch to your special day. Incorporate one of the following for a future of good fortune.
African
Bride and groom "jump the broom", a custom that symbolizes jumping from a carefree single life into the responsibilities of domestic life and a future together.
American

Bride carries something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.
Austrian

Brides crown their veils with myrtle, which is the flower of life.
Belgian

Bride embroiders her name on a handkerchief and carries it on her wedding day, then frames it until the next family bride marries.
Chinese

Bride dresses in red, which symbolizes love and joy.
Dutch

After the wedding, the couple plants lily-of-the-valley in their garden so they can renew their love for one another every year when plant blooms.
English

Bride sews a good luck charm, such as a silver horseshoe, into the hem of her wedding gown.
German

During the ceremony when the bride kneels, the groom may kneel on the bride's hem to show that he will keep her in line. The bride may then step on his foot when she rises to reassert herself.
Greek

To be sure of a "sweet life", the bride carries a lump of sugar in her glove.
Hungarian

Guests dance with the bride and give her a few pence in exchange for a kiss.
Indian

To banish all evil spirits, a coconut is circled around the couple's heads three times.
Irish

The couple toasts each other as their "Anam Cara", or soul mate.

Italian

Ribbons signify the tying together of two lives. A ribbon is tied to the front of the church door to symbolize the wedding bond.
Jewish

Groom breaks a napkin-wrapped wine glass underfoot in remembrance of the destruction of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem.
Korean

Ducks are included in the wedding procession because ducks mate for life.
Mexican

A large rosary "lasso‚" is wound around the couples' shoulders and hands during the ceremony to show the union and protection of marriage.
Native American

Bride and groom wash their hands to symbolically rid themselves of evil and loves from their past.
Polish

The parents of the bride and groom feed them salted bread to symbolize their wishes for the couple to always have good health, food to eat, and money to spend.

Russian

After the couple is crowned, they race to stand on a white rug...whoever steps on it first will be the master of the household.
Scottish

Friends wash the couple's feet preparing them to set off on a new path.

Answer 2

I agree with your mom. I have been giving this some thought because I am planning my wedding, and I think we are going to leave the candles lit. I think the individual candles represent each person - all of their past experiences, the things that make them who they are. When you get married, you don't forget those things, they are still what made you who you are and what brought you two together. I have been to a lot of weddings where the bride and groom blow out the candles, maybe that's the traditional way, I'm not sure. Just make sure you feel good about whatever your choice is.

Answer 3

It is up to the individual bride and groom. I got married 13 yrs. ago. The individual candles were extinquished after the unity candle was lit. You are separate lives, committed to each other, putting the other first over others. Yes, you are individuals in what you think, do, etc., but you are married.

Answer 4

I think we left ours lit, but honestly, I can't remember now. I'd have to go back and look at the video.

If I did it over again, I wouldn't have a unity candle. I'd have a vase with two smaller vases (or champagne flutes) on either side filled with sand or salt. Rather than lighting a candle, we'd pour the sand/salt into the larger vase. Just as you can't separate the grains of sand or salt, nothing would be able to separate us. It's the same principle as a unity candle, but not as common.

Answer 5

This is true. When my husband and I were married all of the candles stayed lit. She is right, you are bring two lives together but the two people still exist as individuals. I agree with Mom.

Answer 6

I got married in January and our individual candles kept burning just like the unity candle. Some people blow them out. I guess it really depends on what you want to do.

Answer 7

At my nephew's, brother in law's, and neice's wedding, they all had the indvidual candles, then used them to light the one representing unity. In one of them the mothers of the bride and groom lit it, in the others, the couple did it themselves.

Answer 8

that is what we did at our wedding. my husbands mother placed his in the stand lit and my mother brought mine and when we lit the unity candle we left ours burning instead of blowing them out because although you are considered now "one" you are still two separate individuals who are now married.

you might consider a hand blessing ceremony instead of the unity candle recited by your mothers I saw this recently at a wedding and it was very sweet. there is a religious and a non-religious version.

Answer 9

I agree. I didn't have this at my wedding, but it was at a friend's and I thought it was very touching.

Answer 10

I ay go with ur heart!